SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

@Brokenhearted11 Thank you. Is there somewhere I can message you privately with his name and what I know about him so far? I have phone records showing their phone calls/dates/durations, and I have my wife's boarding pass she used to fly out to see him (which he paid for). Not sure if that is enough.

Do you know what base he is on?

Talk to a lawyer about all of this. Don’t agree to her taking your child out of the house until you talk to a lawyer.

That boarding pass can most definitely be tracked back to him! The military can and will pull any financial records they need to during an investigation. There is no privacy.

Casey, you are taking the bull by the horns. Keep marching forward and listen to the good people on this board. Stay strong

Yes, initially we said we both agreed to be fair and didn't want to give the lawyers to have a piece of our assets (we don't have very much to begin with). But now I am thinking I need to talk to an attorney for at least an initial consultation, so I know my rights.

Yes, he is at Fort Hood, Texas, part of the CA Army National Guard's 40th Combat Aviation Brigade.

I would consider bargaining that you get primary custody for you not blasting her infidelity in the custody papers. Papers which have to be turned in to every daycare and school.

I am glad to see you are now standing up for yourself. Nothing sadder than a BS who is shattered by infidelity, get further abused by a spouse who is doing what your WS is doing.

You are getting it....you need to get out of infidelity.

Expose the affair to his wife/girlfriend.

Expose to family/friends.

Beat her to the punch by consulting with several attorneys. Know your rights. Do not let her call the shots.

Notify his command.

No more Mr. Nice Guy. She has blown up your world.

You are getting it....you need to get out of infidelity.

Expose the affair to his wife/girlfriend.

Expose to family/friends.

Beat her to the punch by consulting with several attorneys. Know your rights. Do not let her call the shots.

Notify his command.

No more Mr. Nice Guy. She has blown up your world.

You are getting lots of good advice from people with a lot of experience.

Summary -

-- Get out of infidelity (& also do the right thing) --

1 - Tell AP's command

2 - Tell AP's partner

-- Legal things --

3 - Check with an attorney on ALL financial and moving matters

4 - File for Divorce -edit- or separation based partially on attorney's recommendations - (this can always be discontinued later if you deem it an option)

-- Your own health --

5 - Drink fluids (not alcohol), Eat, and Sleep - even if it seems you have to force yourself.

6 - Check the Healing Library here

7 - Execute the 180 to help you detach

8 - Make a plan (you've already started this - don't worry, it can change as needed)

9 - Get checked for STD's

- - (10 - If necessary - also talk to a doctor if you're having trouble with depression or sleeping)

These are categorized, but not in any particular order that they need to be done. But they are all important, I'd suggest looking at it as a 'to do' list.

[This message edited by c24j at 6:11 PM, November 29th (Wednesday)]

Casey,

I audibly cheered when I read your 3:43pm post. I LOVE SEEING BETRAYEDS DECIDE ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!

You are doing GREAT!!!!

Also, worry more about reporting to his wife. Reporting to the military will be a few week process so it’s not like it has to happen this very instant (though don’t delay)

As a teacher, I'm disgusted by your WW’s actions. Teachers are not paid to destroy their students’ families. As a parent, I would not want your wife teaching my child. Teachers are held to a high standard of behaviour because of the trust parents place in them. They leave their most valued people in our care...entrust their futures to us - this just boggles my mind.

Please tell the other betrayed spouse. The violation of entrusting your child to the cOW...damn - I hope she doesn’t buy a teacher’s gift from her child...

[This message edited by sassylee at 6:53 PM, November 28th (Tuesday)]

Right now you feel like your heart has been torn out. You are getting a lot of advice about burning everything to the ground. Yet your replies have been level headed. You will not get her back by destroying her career. You will not get her back by destroying his career. You may get some short term advantage but it won't solve much in the long run.

You need to have a good talk with a good divorce lawyer. You will be told that the sooner you file the court will prevent her from spending assets stupidly. Taking her off your insurance is a no go.

Your story is so depressingly familiar to the old hands. If she is out of the house she will continue the affair and be all in. Look at dostl s posts for how this goes.

You need to think long game. To do that you need a plan and your lawyer can help. Keep doing what you are doing and keep your head clear.

Two other things. The chances that this affairs is only a month old and just now consummated is very low so get yourself to a doc for stds. The other is that her actions are more likely in character than out of character so DNA now. If nothing else it could ease your mind.

[This message edited by longsadstory1952 at 7:25 PM, November 28th (Tuesday)]

Also, be sure that you do not let her discover your use of this forum, otherwise she will be ready for anything you throw at her.

For your own protection, I highly advise that you go to Best Buy and get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and keep it on your person and running whenever she is home with you, as a safeguard against any false DV claims...and yes she can do this, it happens all the time.

The best way to protect your daughter is to protect yourself.

Two other things. The chances that this affairs is only a month old and just now consummated is very low so get yourself to a doc for stds. The other is that her actions are more likely in character than out of character so DNA now. If nothing else it could ease your mind.

I have to agree here, get yourself a comprehensive STD screening, and DNA test your child to be sure she is actually yours. This is to protect you from any surprises down the line.

My kids are now grown, but I still intend to DNA test them both because my wife's activities predates them.

The reason to tell the disclose the affair is not to get even but to put an end to it.

Once you tell the obs and his employer he will throw your wife under the bus. She will not only see who om is but also who she is too.

((Casey))

You are getting solid advice. c24J laid it out very clearly. Reread his post.

Going 180 will be your best friend. You were quick to learn that you can't nice her back. The best gift you can give yourself this Christmas is to take control of this situation.

Be firm and be decisive. If it wakes her up from her selfish ways, great, however, if she continues to pursue the AP, then show her to the door and know that you saved yourself a lot of heartache down the road trying to stay with someone who has no interest in being married.

Keep posting

Hope

You are doing well and taking charge of your life. That is good. You said that he is serving in Fort Hood, Texas, part of the CA Army National Guard's 40th Combat Aviation Brigade. That CA is California, right? With a quick google I got their phone number and a couple of emails. Everything is on Facebook . If you like I can send it to you.

As for your wife. You have to make her face the consequences. You don't have to be mean. But be direct and to the point. Remain calm. Did you share a computer? If so there is probably information there that can be added to the evidence you already have. Emails between the two might be able to be undeleted.