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burninghouse ( member #63308) posted at 6:26 AM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019
Thank you for the update. Relieved you are ok. Stay safe and hugs to you!
BW (me)
WH (him)
D-day 3/2018
Divorcing
Reminding myself often, "The last of the human freedoms: to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor Frankl
Scoobydoo (original poster member #70007) posted at 7:11 AM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019
Thank you everyone,
We had a liaison officer that's trained in this sort of thing so we have had some FAMILY counselling, it will continue when we're back from the coast.
After a long talk with the kids last night we have decided we're going to the coast today, we have hired some caravans on a camp site so we can spend some time together & try to make sense of this mess 'he' has created.
Thank you again for your support & kindness in my hour of need I truly am very grateful to each & everyone of you.
Also thank you for all my PM's, your advice & support is unbelievable.
Scooby
Toooo many Dday's over 27 yrs,
Separated from Scooby 'Dum' 19/08/2019
Before you diagnose yourself with depression, or low self esteem,
First make sure you are not surrounded by an Asshole/s.
JBWD ( member #70276) posted at 7:28 AM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019
So glad you’re safe!
I’m sure this is too much to process, wishing you peace and some rest on the heels of this chaos.
Me: WH (Multiple OEA/PA, culminating in 4 month EA/PA. D-Day 20 Oct 2018 41 y/o)Married 14 years Her: BS 37 y/o at D-Day13 y/o son, 10 y/o daughter6 months HB, broken NC, TT Divorced
OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 9:24 AM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019
Scoobydoo, I have followed your story and been so impressed by your awakening and assertiveness. Your genuine goodness comes across in your posts, and I wish you and your kids the peace and happiness you deserve.
But, my heart is heavy with worry. Abusers with these kinds of control issues do not get better or change their minds. They lie in wait until the right moment comes. I wish there was some way you could go into hiding permanently, go somewhere he would never find you.
Take care of yourself.
((((((((Scoobydoo))))))))
me: BS/WS h: WS/BS
Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.
Charlee ( member #50386) posted at 10:45 AM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019
((((Scooby)))) prayers for continued strength and courage for you and your family!
ME: BS, 67
HIM:62
MARRIED: 45 years
DDay: #1 9/19/15
Dday #2 2/28/18
nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 1:22 PM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019
But, my heart is heavy with worry. Abusers with these kinds of control issues do not get better or change their minds. They lie in wait until the right moment comes. I wish there was some way you could go into hiding permanently, go somewhere he would never find you.
I worry about this too. I hope that he spends enough time in jail to want to leave you alone when he gets out. Be very careful and don't let him back into your life ever again. He's a dangerous person, has no problems hurting you for standing up for yourself, and can probably hold one hell of a grudge.
Odonna ( member #38401) posted at 1:53 PM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019
I was so scared for you! I am glad you have such a close family with your kids, and the trip to the coast sounds perfect!
Also, I am always astonished here that no matter what the situation someone always seems to have experienced something similar. Hugs in this case to Hellfire for sharing her terrible story of her father as a warning for you.
I will send some practical advice in PM.
alsdaboss ( new member #60126) posted at 4:02 PM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019
Never mind.
I put a whole diatribe in your JFO thread.
May still be relevant.
The gist of it,
Run like hell.
Glad you are safe.
[This message edited by alsdaboss at 10:04 AM, August 24th (Saturday)]
I am not well at all, but I am getting there.
SerJR ( member #14993) posted at 6:32 PM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019
Glad to hear that you're safe. He is a very dangerous man and you need to protect yourself and your family. No further contact with him - ever.
Make sure you continue to seek counseling for you and the kids. You all deserve better and to not live in fear.
Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.
rambler ( member #43747) posted at 7:53 PM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019
SD
Glad you are safe. You really have become aa incredible and brave woman. Your story is nothing short of amazing due to how you handled things.
A lot of people will give you advise but we are not experts, listen to the experts.
What you are dealing with is not who he was. You need to protect yourself and your family. Use an legal remedy available. Do not fall for what he tells you.
You need to end this relationship for everyone's benefit including (or especially) his
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 11:48 PM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019
I haven't read all of the posts on the thread, only yours. I wonder if anyone has suggested you get a name change on SI that is totally unrelated to anything he can identify. I understand the Scooby was one of your dogs names so he found that easy. Just a suggestion.
Be very, very careful. You and your children.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
sillyoldsod ( member #43649) posted at 9:16 AM on Sunday, August 25th, 2019
Hi Scoobydoo. I'm so glad you're safe. Please accept my apologies for suggesting your (hopefully) stbxh's thread was a wind up. I wasn't aware of your posts and was incredulous as to what he was writing. Stay safe! The police have a duty of care to you after he's released..maybe a safe house. At the very least cameras, personal alarm linked directly to the local station etc etc. Strength to you!
(((Scoobydoo)))
I've never met a sociopath I didn't like.
Carissima ( member #66330) posted at 10:51 AM on Sunday, August 25th, 2019
Hi Scooby
Hope you and your family are enjoying your stay at the coast, you've certainly got a great weekend for it.
Hopefully the court will award you sole residency of the home but please get your solicitor working on this as hard possible.
Those of us who live in the UK are unfortunately aware that the court system is slow and even when it comes to sentencing, the ones given can be so slight as to be non-prohibitive.
Have fun but stay strong x
Wool94 ( member #53300) posted at 2:39 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2019
Enjoy the coast as much as you can.
D-Day #1: April 7, 2016
D-Day #2: May 21, 2016
D-Day #3: June 7, 2016
Me: 1975
Her:WW (amn8r) 1981
Son 2006
Daughter 2009
"God not only loves you, but He actually likes you. "-Stephen Hooks
"My faith is mine now."
tikismom ( member #60546) posted at 2:59 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2019
So glad to see an update & that you are safe.
Me: 39
Him: 43 (NPD)
DDay #1: Sept 2017; Lots of TT & DDays since. EA & PA with an EX. Last known contact with OW: end of December 2017.
Married 10 years, together 15 at time of dday. 2 very young children.
Status: Working daily toward R.
OneInTwenty ( new member #71175) posted at 9:45 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2019
Bloody hell Scooby that was a nightmare, stay safe treasure. Thinking and worrying about you.
10 years ago a friend of my wife's was murdered by her husband, he killed himself later that same day, leaving 2 children (under 8) orphaned and left with a grandmother in poor health.
The friend was having an affair with her husband's best friend but it was out in the open, they were separated and they were more concerned about her husband's suicidal mental state until he knocked on her door one morning shortly after she'd taken the kids to school... 
Be very careful Scooby.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 11:43 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2019
(((Scoobydoo))) wow I am happy you are safe. Please stay far away from him!
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
Carissima ( member #66330) posted at 5:12 PM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2019
It was your WHs court appearance today wasn't it? Just checking in to see how it all went.
Hopefully you didn't have to appear and your lawyer was able to handle everything for you.
Keep staying safe, I hope you have people in real life supporting you through this.
((Scooby))
Scoobydoo (original poster member #70007) posted at 7:30 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019
Hi Everyone,
Just checking in,
Had a pretty great weekend considering the circumstances, I relaxed (externally) so the kids were able to chill out & enjoy their time away with all their babies.
We swam, we walked, we ate & we talked,
Even if I do say it myself I have some bloody awesome kids.
My eldest son rang my Dad, he then came to join us.
He was absolutely devastated, my heart broke for him, he was in complete shock as he knew nothing of what my life had been like.
Update on the WH,
He's still locked up in a cell at the police station,
his court appearance has been delayed till tomorrow for them to get a Psych Evaluation done first. Its scheduled for today at some point.
I have to say he has NEVER shown this behaviour before, he has been controlling & violent in the early years but not to this level of craziness, Due to the Toxicology Report done on his arrest showing high levels of alcohol & Drug use he may be sent to a Rehab Centre instead of prison.
The liaison officer has been fantastic keeping me up to date, we have more counselling set up for us all.
I couldn't get today off work as I'm a supervisor at my work place, (no-one to cover my job) but I have got the rest of the week off to sort some things out.
I have read all of your messages (here, my JFO thread, & all of my PM's) toooo many to reply individually today but I will respond & acknowledge when I have more time.
I'm being guarded by friends & loved ones so time & privacy doesn't seem to be my friend at the moment so I'm actually looking forward to some normalcy at work today.
Thank you for all of your kind words & advice, I will update & check in when I can.
Eternally Grateful
Scooby
(((()))))
[This message edited by Scoobydoo at 1:31 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]
Toooo many Dday's over 27 yrs,
Separated from Scooby 'Dum' 19/08/2019
Before you diagnose yourself with depression, or low self esteem,
First make sure you are not surrounded by an Asshole/s.
Dragonfly123 ( member #62802) posted at 7:57 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2019
So glad to read your update Scooby. Your family are just wonderful to pull together the way you all have these past few days. Your poor dad, doesn’t matter how old we are we’re still their babies. I should imagine it’ll take weeks for you all to really process the scale of all of this. We’re all thinking of you.
When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where the power is.
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