SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

For both of them.

I wish them each other.

I had a chance to sleep with my WW's sexting partner. She was begging me to meet her, then started sending me videos of her. I blocked her and never met her. I struggle with revenge cheating. If I end up D I might contact her but honestly doubt it.

There is one guy she was sexting that I lay awake at night thinking of ways to pay him back. Neither he or his long time girlfriend have social media. I can't find her last name or I would at the least let her know what was going on. I know I will never give this one up until I have my chance at revenge. He took it upon himself to contact me and chat with me all the while I had no idea he was sexting with my wife. He had some fun at my expense so its more than just about the sexting with him.

Edit: This second guy and my wife slept together in 2007 before we were married and while we were broken up. I knew about it but never knew who he was really. I thought about the classic trying to whip his ass but he is a marine and teaches close quarters combat. I would imagine I would do just fine against most men but talk about insult to injury if I got my ass kicked by the guy.

[This message edited by SumofOne at 12:39 PM, October 31st (Thursday)]

I considered getting two bumper stickers made.

One -I cheat on my husband

Another - I cheat on my wife.

They both worked at a small business. It wouldn't have been long before everyone had it figured out.

In the end, I kept my silence. Exs behavior outed him and OW and her husband. they all got fired or forced to quit.

Ex worked for the company for 25 years.

My WH bought a pair of pants while he was away on « business » with OW. After DDay he tore up the pants and threw them away in the laundry room trash can. I fished them out after he went to work and used them to clean out the cat box. All the while I thought about throwing the turds and horrible clumps of urine into a shipping box, throwing the pants on top of the whole mess and mailing it all to AP. At work.

Didn’t do it, but enjoyed the fantasy.

Anyone who says revenge is not worth it simply hasn't pulled the trigger. It most certainly can be.

I really did not think about revenge for my X or the AP. I simply warned him to keep his distance, which he did for the most part. Of course one day he was with his friends and had a dose of liquid courage. He said the wrong thing at the wrong time and received a straight right down the middle.

[This message edited by 66charger at 9:43 AM, November 1st (Friday)]

Charlotte - your revenge fantasies are tame compared to the shit I dreamed up in the year after dday. One was so bad - I started to type it out and chickened out for fear everyone would think me a psychopath.

I used to read here “Don’t give her head space” and “AP isn’t worth your time” or “stop making her important” and it was like reading mandarin - WTF! How the hell was it even possible? I used to say my hate for her (and my vengeance scenarios) kept me warm at night. And yet here I am...7 years out and sometimes I forget her name. I no longer need my maniacal thoughts to keep warm. I’m in a mindset where I can finally understand what all those wise experienced members used to say.

It will come for you too one day. But until you're in a space where you can see her insignificance and trust fate will ensure she’ll reap what she sows - use the vengeance scenarios to help you get to the next stage of healing. I think I did it to regain my sense of power, control - my strength. Or maybe I’m full of shit lol. Just know these thoughts won’t always consume you and it’s completely normal.

The two sided nature of responses is fascinating. The high road.... the AP is not important. The "low" road... the POS AP needs to pay, at least in fantasy but better still in reality.

I think all should be done to hold the pos ap accountable within (mostly) legal means. There are a lot of helpful BS here. Why not help our dear friend Karma out if the chance arises?

I told AP that if he ever contacted my wife again that the only way I wasn't telling his wife was if he started sending me nudes of his wife. I told him to only reply with a yes if he understood. He did. I then screen shot it for safe keeping. I tried to tell his wife anyway but either she or he had blocked me from her account. I will tell her at some point. All I can come up with right now is to send her a letter at work. I'd rather not do it that way.

For the record I would never have involved the other man's wife like that. I did get satisfaction out of watching him squirm and try to block me on ever social media format.

Once I got a name on the prick AP and found out everything about him, I found out he was a bartender. I was drinking with some buddies and we thought up this plan for all my buds to go in first and grab some seats. Get all friendly and buddy buddy with the bartender. They would start talking about banging other dudes wives with him. Get him all primed up. All these guys are big dudes with a big presence. Then enters J707, like Cheers, Hey J707 how the hell are ya, get over here. Then just eyeball the prick and watch him shake his coward little ass out of there. Whatever happened in the parking lot, well who knows.

It was a good laugh and thought but I'm not going to jail or risking custody of my kids over some turd like him. Even though being a betrayed is now part of me (sucks, I hate it but its reality), he did me a favor in getting me out of a toxic NPD marriage. So I think a Thank You card is in order now.

Charlotte and Brennan, TY.... It came REALLY close to happening. I struggled with it TBH. In the end, after reading a lot of advice here and REALLY thinking about what I wanted out of our M or R I decided against it.

WW is gonna do what she's gonna do and if she has another EA or does literally ANYTHING inappropriate there isn't going to be a warning. Just paperwork flying fast and furious.

It was fun entertaining the idea, and I had even written an email to POSOM telling him what was coming. I never sent it but would have loved to see him squirm if I had.

My dream - send her a lovely decorated cake at work. One of her sexting pics under it, as each slice is cut more and more of the pic shows.

Work place affairs are her thing

I told the AP if he ever contacted my wife again, his two sons would receive a copy of the sex video my WW and the AP made, for their 18th birthdays.

I then told him the dates of his kid's birthdays (gotta love the Internet). I mentioned that he was stupid enough to talk in the video.

The way I figured out who the OM was by calling his employer and asking to switchboard operator to transfer my call to his voicemail. Once I heard his voicemail message, I knew it was him.

I have two revenge fantasies::

1) I would send her a sexual photo of me and WH. She doesn’t know my phone number, so if she replied I’d say “oops! Wrong number. Pleas delete” them not engage with her. I have a perfect photo where it’s obvious it’s WH.

2) I’ve actually researched this-I’d send a gift wrapped box of animal poo to her at work. I love this one, but what stops me is the cost plus the fact that I’d never know for sure she’d received it nor see her reaction.

But I don’t plan on doing anything really. I need to rise above it and move on with my life, making her a part of my past, not present. Oh, I also fantasise about bumping into her when out with WH. We always hold hands, and these days he’s consistently loving. I know he told her we live like brother and sister 😡 So I imagine it’d piss her off to see us as we really are. But although I enjoy that fantasy I hope it’ll never happen because I’m a wimp and I’d probably get really upset if I did meet her.

I have a friend who’s a counsellor and she feels it’s probably very healthy to have these fantasies.

This reminds me of another thread. Take a read for some good ideas and or chuckles:

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=607874&AP=1&HL=

I had several revenge thoughts about the AP. I never once, though, transferred blame from my WW to him. She was the one supposed to protect our marriage. There are all kinds of shit like him out there and she was to protect the marriage as I was from my side.

He was a vile low life, however. As far as I could tell he was going to get off scot free and just move on. My WW has paid a lot of consequences. She had to quit (retire) or she would have been fired plus all the family and friends finding out.

I did call his father a couple of times and explained to him what a vile person his son was. I also told him that if I could ever figure out a way to speed up his exit from the world without going to jail it could happen (shouldn't have done that). His Dad said "you have to do what you have to do".

I thought of a billboard on the back of my truck about him and my WW and parking across from the exit of the parking lot at noon and quitting time. Full page ad in the local newspaper (they probably wouldn't print it). And a bunch of other things.

It is possible to hold your WS fully responsible and detest the AP at the same time and want them to suffer as well. It isn't one or the other. The problem is when all the "blame" gets transferred to the AP. All of the blame in my marriage and yours is on the WS.

High road or low road?

Well… I took the low road and although it gave me a warm feeling at the time then it’s been the one thing I regretted doing since d-day.

I have shared my d-day story several times, but basically, I walked in on her and OM one day short of five weeks to our wedding. I ended that relationship there and then. Walked out of our apartment and never entered it again.

Yes, I had my doubts and ups and downs and crying and depressions and second-doubting everything I did. Just like we all have after d-day. But fortunately for me I stuck to my guns and managed to cut off all ties to her. For ME at THAT TIME and in THAT relationship, it was the correct path.

Since the wedding invites were already out and the RSVP’s nearly all inn then one thing that had to be done was cancel the wedding.

My revenge was a nasty card I had copied and sent to all the guests. The content was something like:

“I regret to inform you that I – Bigger – will not partake in the wedding. There might still be a wedding since EX-FIANCÉ has found a replacement, but I won’t be there!”

Now it felt good and I got a lot of high-fives and slaps on the back, But I also got the look from people that expected more from me – including a look I gave myself in the mirror. I also got to know of the pain my revenge caused her parents, siblings and her.

I also got the look her friends gave me. From being the cowboy with the white hat I was the guy with the black hat. I had given them a reason for why maybe she cheated. After all I wasn’t the good-guy they thought but someone capable of creating such pain. Yes – granted she caused the motherload of pain to me, but THEY were looking for justification and I spoon-fed it to them.

My encounter with infidelity – over 25 years ago – marked me deeply and has had a large part in making me what I am. I try to focus on the positives in every lesson, and I got a near perfect-score in how I dealt with my situation. Except for the revenge. That is the only thing I regret, and still causes me some pain. Long after the pain of what she did to me has gone. I let MYSELF down, and that is something that can be harder to deal with than when someone else lets you down.

My best revenge would have been simply sticking to getting out of infidelity and keeping the high-road.

I live a very good and fruitful life with a good wife, good family, great career and so on. There is nothing I would want to replace. I don’t really monitor my ex any more, but last time I heard of her (about 5 years ago) she was a single mother, twice divorced living on disability. If I was after revenge I would maybe think that it would be when she looks me up on social media and wonders where she would be now had she remained faithful. Not that it really matters and THAT is the REAL REVENGE I get: She no longer matters in any way or form in my life.

Warning. Might be TMI....Glad I read these today. I crave getting revenge but only on AP at the moment.

I want to send her our s** toys. In a box addressed to her boss at her workplace BUT inside put note on top from ‘STBXH’ to ‘her name’ .

Why does that seem so satisfying to me?

I also want to post on her caringbridge page (recent major illnesses) but I suppose the illnesses are karma enough?

((Hugs))

SP

..oh golly gosh...I just can't help posting on revenge threads about the scumbag 'best friend' for 25 years . You can read the whole story in my profile.

I told his second wife the story, then his first wife who was also our good friend before their divorce.

I told his parents as well, who I knew also for 25 years.

I contacted his other law partners and told them as well.

Unfortunately I had to wait a number of years before the Hand of God gave him a life ending brain tumour at the early age of 57.

He suffered a slow, horrible death while his family watched, helpless to do anything to save him.

I believe he died from guilt and shame for his actions. He got exactly what he deserved.

Revenge is mine sayeth the Lord.

smy

I daydream about getting two dead dogs off the side of the road, putting a collar and leash on each one and then crawling up underneath the cars of both of the twenty-something’s who KNEW that my husband is married, tying the leashes to the rear axles and stuffing the dead dogs loosely on top of the axles so that when the witches take off for work the dead dogs are dislodged and are subsequently dragged behind the cars.

Explain THAT to the cops!!!

Wow Skoochnski….

I think it would be better if you could explain that to your shrink…