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This..^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Sybo nailed it.

You must get clarification from lawyer that leaving isn't abandonment. You don't want to give her card blanche to start bring divorce douche to the house.

Also do not think that her parents will continue to side with you. Eventually they will take her side. They are blood.

You have to steel your heart and mind that it's OVER. Most relationships born of adultery have a very high failure rate but some do last. I would not be surprised if they quickly move in together.

[This message edited by Jsmart at 11:33 AM, January 24th (Tuesday)]

You must get clarification from lawyer that leaving isn't abandonment

Of course I agree. However I just don't see the issue if he has already filed, and there's no alimony or children in play. As long as he still pays his end of the bills...what could possibly be the issue? Hell...he's got all the texts proving she's cheating.

My concern is her using GTR's leaving as justification for bringing this guy in to the house. Something that I know he doesn't want.

Just like you said, she's looking to stick the shiv deep into GTR's heart because he blew her shit up.

Now the world knows the filthy foundation of her new relationship. That makes it that much harder to normalize it later on. It's bad enough she's getting with a divorce father but she committed adultery to be with him. No way for her to make GTR the bad guy.

[This message edited by Jsmart at 12:27 PM, January 24th (Tuesday)]

One option is to ask her to buy him out.

GTR said they bought that house for her. So since it's her dream house, try to get her to buy you out. She can move divorce douche and his kids and start her new family.

To clarify I told her I was moving forward with the divorce no matter what. She then restarted her affair with the OM. So he can enjoy being someone's second pick, I sure as hell won't be. I'm trying to stay out of the house as much as possible. Also I was only gonna talk MIL to convince her to let my stbxw stay at her house, she will not anyway. She will all regret this one day, blowing it up for that pos. Were looking at a few months of it being finalized, I feel as if she's going to drag her feet. I will ask her again to move in with the OM to make this as amicable as possible, or I will try my best to make this divorce tough for her. I also don't know why I keep reading the texts between them, I'm stopping today. I look at her and I'm not even able to tell if it's the same person. She seems to have a little bit of guilt and said she knows this divorce is her fault so she will make it easy for me. Maybe some female companionship might help me I'm not sure...

Stay away from the females until the divorce...then get your head on straight. Otherwise, you'll be bringing a lot of excess baggage onto an unsuspecting woman. You are handling this unbelievably well though.

GTR if you were to read as many threads as many of us have not only here but TAM and LS, you'd know she never stopped with OM.

Your bold action rocked her world but it was short lived because she was still with OM. All of the theatrics of her crying at your feet was panic induced but not based on where her heart was at. She was too far along with divorce douche. I imagine much further along than she admitted to or the texting reveals.

It is hard for a husband of many years to compete with the excitement of a new illicit relationship.

It has nothing to do about being a better looking, making more money, having a more muscular body, being better in bed. All of those things can't compare to the chemical release that happens in a waywards mind. The whole naughty nature of it is addicting. It completely changes them into another person.

You need to work on detaching from her. 14 years is not going to be erased by a couple of ONS. Continue to work on becoming a better man. Once the divorce is official, you can go out there with your head held high.

I also don't know why I keep reading the texts between them, I'm stopping today.

smart move...you really have your head on straight here...kudos.

I feel as if she's going to drag her feet.

She'll probably try to stall...especially if her next residence is currently a question mark. You never mentioned what the plan is for the house...are you selling or is one of you buying out the other? IF selling...I would get it on the market ASAP. Selling a house takes a while...and if you are lucky enough to sell before D is finalized than that solves your current cohabitation problem.

she knows this divorce is her fault so she will make it easy for me

Good then she will sign the listing agreement for the house to be sold. Now, does that also mean if you were to have a (divorce) settlement agreement in your hand this week she would sign it? I ask because your lawyer can have it written up in a day or two and get it in front of a judge without you having to wait months.

I feel as if she's going to drag her feet.

She will, for as long as she believes the door is somewhat ajar into seeing you in the house in passing and while communicating with you. cake eaters and fence sitters have miles of foot dragging trails around them. You are going to have to prod her forward. Hell, my XW was the one that filed first and yet she dragged her feet through the D process! Time to get a commitment from her in writing on the decision regarding the house. Who wants to keep it after the D? Discuss buyout, or division of home sale proceeds AFTER costs are paid.

I will ask her again to move in with the OM to make this as amicable as possible, or I will try my best to make this divorce tough for her.

Let me throw this out for you to take notice. Now that it is pretty much decided you are moving forward with the D and that your STBXW has accepted this, why hasn't the OM started making "room" for your STBXW? Yes, ever since you made it clear to her that your are going through with D she has been going to the OM's place. I'm curious, do you see ANY concern in those message from the OM as to why your STBXW is still going back to your house after he had his time with her? If the OM is that head over heals over your STBXW, why hasn't he already cleared out a dresser drawer, some closet space, some bathroom counter space for your STBXW to move in? Every time your STBXW enters your house she should be leaving with luggage and personal affects on every trip. Is all her crap still in your house? Didn't you say he didn't want her around when his kids were around?

Now, for some time I was a divorced dad of two boys. It never crossed my mind that I should stoop as low as the AP and fuck up another person's relationship like that. I couldn't ever bring that kind of pain and anguish to another man. Not even my worst enemy. A LOT of us BS have mentioned this same sentiment. I also had my two sons to think about and I didn't want them to see a carousel of women in and out of my life. This OM has no qualms about inserting himself into another relationship he had no business sticking his nose in. He has no problem being the "second pick" for your STBXW, the "settled" choice, the consolation prize. He has no problem with the facts that eventually his own kids will meet your cheater STBXW if they plan to take things longer term, and somehow explain how they got together. There's just not a whole lot of long term talk of preparation between them was there?

I'm remarried now to a younger, smarter, prettier woman. She still had to meet certain criteria of mine with how she would be accepted with my boys and I also had to meet her criteria with regard to her own son. We did a LOT of future planning between us and how to merge the families, not just how we were going to sip Mai Tai's and get all sexy on the beach for our honeymoon. We planned for life. Hell, we even planned how to do taxes together. You see any of that between your STBXW and that OM?

Just be prepared that as much as you are pushing your STBXW to move out and be with the OM, he might be pushing back to keep her in your house because he has other agendas. Concentrate on what you can control in regards to the house and property. You've already filed and served her so your process has already started. If you haven't already, ask your attorney if you can go ahead and get it agreed upon and in writing with your STBXW to settle that part of property division. I'm no lawyer but I can't see how deciding now what to do with the house then her or you moving out impacts the end result. My XW moved into her own apartment before my D finalized but I still had to pay her share of the equity. We just had it in writing in our MSA. If she won't contest the D then consider settling this through mediation and see if you can start the process with her now.

I don't know how many posts I have read where the WS leaves for the AP only to have the AP drag their feet and eventually break it off. Then, the WS "will do anything", "I've seek now you are the one for me" all that BS. Don't be surprised if your WW pulls this shit. Although, you sound committed to D and to be honest, given what she has done to you, I wouldn't even entertain that discussion. My WW and I were HS sweethearts too. 20+ years together, not "easy" to let all that go. You will find someone that actually cares about you.

She said all she wants is me and if she has to spend the rest of her life making it up to me she will.

And this was what 4 days before she is looking forward to the weekend tryst with OM? She is one messed up gal.

I'd try to buy her out or would sell the house. For her to get her dream house (even after buying you out) would be another non consequence of the affair and probably make her happy.

Once the mundane day to day stuff begins and they are not "pirates of love" in a sexy affair anymore, there will be bills to pay and chores to do and now she's the instant mommy to 2 kids she doesn't know, who already have a mom. At work most people will be somewhat "unimpressed" as to what she did to her marriage depending on what they think of OM.

They may work it out, but since marriages built on solid ground have a 50% divorce rate , one built on adultery has less. Once the fog clears and the unicorn is dead, I think she may realize what she did and check up on you. Could be months or years.

By then you will have moved on down the road.

awesome post by JDuff and yes, never be 'the other man' even though you were abused by OM

Once the mundane day to day stuff begins and they are not "pirates of love" in a sexy affair anymore, there will be bills to pay and chores to do and now she's the instant mommy to 2 kids she doesn't know, who already have a mom. At work most people will be somewhat "unimpressed" as to what she did to her marriage depending on what they think of OM.

This is something that will eventually hit her. That she blew up her marriage with her high school sweetheart that was also her 1st to play step mom?

I know GTR is all busted up on the inside but he's young and he needs to understand that a bright future awaits him.

Sorry to hear that your WW went back to the other man so quickly. You are much better off without her. This was going to happen eventually with your wife, so be thankful it happened now and not ten years pater with a couple of kids.

Keep the house if you can, build equity and the interest and property taxes will give you a nice tax deduction. Find a giod guy roommate to help with the mortgage payment. Good back to school do something to advance your career and incime producing capabilities. Do some diving or snow skiing, be a free fun bachelor. You have a bright future, embrace it.

I would put up a for sale sign in the yard and tell her she needs to move out. You can't make her but she may not know that.

Be sure to have a var on you at all times . He may coach her to get a restraining order on you and get you kicked out. Happens all the time.

Don't believe you know her. You don't.

She has told me she wants more time to look over the separation agreement and what we should do with the house. She needs to hurry the hell up, I told her she has 24 hours to make up her mind. I am also being stubborn, I don't want to leave the house. I've had so many memories here and our dogs are growing up here. If anyone has to leave it should be her. Something infuriated me/made me upset today. Wife and I usually had no problem drinking from the same cans/bottles. I had a Powerade and was drinking it after I came back from the gym and she took a sip while I was looking for something to cook to eat. It seemed like she did it subconsciously cause she apologized afterwards probably due to my facial expression. I just wanted to yell/cry. So many things we used to do together, I feel so empty. No way in hell I was drinking it afterwards.

GTR,

I'm sorry, but did you say separation agreement? Why are you bothering with that? Did your D plans change?

[This message edited by Walloped at 11:54 PM, January 24th (Tuesday)]

Divorce/separation thafs what I meant to say. We're definitely getting a divorce no question. The settlement is pretty equal so she's of course just dragging her feet I'm guessing. I wish I could just force her to agree, she is in another relationship for crying out loud. She needs to look out for herself too but I wouldn't even fuck her over anyway m.

Got it. Thanks for clarifying.

Re: D and her dragging her feet. You may want to post on the Divorce thread. I'm certain there are very knowledgeable folks there that can provide guidance.