SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I dated a woman a long time ago that had done this twice. Both times with her bf at the time and a stranger (female). She said it was just like playing pattie-cake...someone is always left out or out of sync! She never married either guy.

Another woman I worked with long ago said she had a lot of male "friends with benefits" and her and 2 guys would get together all the time. She didn't want to bring a woman into it because 'she was a dick hog' (that is a quote). She was batshit crazy though...for other reasons!

"dick hog"

I love it!!!!

I remember this MTV show-Loveline-there were a lot of guys that didn't seem to understand why their GF didn't want a 3some with a girl

Yeah -- what's up with our culture not understanding that many women are radically heterosexual? It's just a big "eew" for me. Not even any moral considerations involved, just the wrong parts and all that.

She said it was just like playing pattie-cake...someone is always left out or out of sync!

Well then they weren't using their imaginations enough. There are plenty of things a threesome can do without "leaving someone out".

Well then they weren't using their imaginations enough. There are plenty of things a threesome can do without "leaving someone out".

All it takes is for one person not to have imagination, then it becomes a twosome with a third wheel.

I hate being technical, but it's not a threesome for fmf if the guy is screwing one girl, and the other one just sits there and occasionally pinches the first girl's nipple or kisses her. Not a threesome. Three naked people all doing sexual things to each other makes it a threesome

Told WBf that I would be totally up for a fmf threesome, but after the cheating, no longer! I'm very much into women...I would never date a girl (too much *damn* drama and cattiness!) but hell ladies, we look damn good naked. So it WOULD have been as much for me as it would be him... however, I still would call the boundary of "You do not penetrate her. Ever."

I think the only way to guarantee that the experience would be for both partners is the ole sit and watch.

She's curious I guess. Still fairly young and their relationship is quite new. I think more so the reason for doing it is so that she gets to be try being with a girl, and he gets to watch... but also join in as well.

For this friend, maybe it's a good idea, if that's what she wants. But I don't think this thread really applies to most here who were/are presumably in committed relationships.

As for me and threesomes. As a male, I feel like I am supposed to want it. But I don't - not mff and definitely not mmf. I think it degrades marriage, kind of like affairs.

WH has asked for this since beginning of marriage...I always say no and always will...zero interest.

WH reason for 3some is he wants to see me with another woman. I think it is simply a way to get me to approve cheating.

I DO think the "homosexual" tendencies comment is spot on...just from the other angle.

WH had a "guy" encounter in college. He says he told the guy no, but I do not believe it...the rest of the story detail does not match.

I think he has always wanted to try it again...in fact I have one business trip in mind that I think he did and it caused some dormant "back door" problems to act up and required surgery.

I think if I carried through with mff WH would have said "now I will do mmf for you"...but it would really have been for him, I just would not have been able (in his logic) to say no.

I also know if I gave in he would have used it for blackmail somewhere down the road. Maybe to get me to agree again, maybe in divorce action or possibly by placing it on the internet...WH wants to film things.

All in all a risk I am not willing to take for something I don't want to do anyway.

I think that threesomes have no place in committed, monogamous relationships.

EXACTLY!!

This has nothing to do with being a BS either. It was my view before D-day, and it was only reinforced by that experience.

Committing to someone body and soul means just that. It's an exclusive relationship that has very defined boundaries for what belongs strictly between the couple. I don't judge other people for their experiences or views, but I could never see myself agreeing to or permitting a threesome- in whatever configuration anyone could imagine.

I don't believe this is reserved just for legal marriage either. Once someone commits to being exclusive, legally bound or otherwise, bringing another person into that sphere just seems to devalue the commitment- or it would for me. Plus, I think I would become violently physically ill during the process.

Isn't the worst part of cheating the lies, the betrayal, the tt? I swear I was ready to put a bullet through my brain. The pain was physical, and the trauma from the lies and tt vs. reality caused triggers for years.

Obviously group sex has some boundary questions, and trust and communications would be required. But years out, with the A issues resolved, it may not be bad.

The appeal isn't the third party (men are gross, I'm not sure how women or gays can be attracted to them). The appeal is the lust in your partner. Let's be frank - old relationship lust rarely matches that of new, and add in an illicit affair? Nope, you aren't going to replicate nor surpass that, honestly... Unless you take it further.

That is the appeal.

Would it be rewarding fww? No, I would never do this while reconciling, or until she atoned. At some point, you kinda take the affair off the table.

And dirty talk and fantasy? Um, my wife had sex, in real life. Fantasy no longer means much to me, you know?

The real fear, honestly, is if I could perform in front of an extra, especially if close...

But I would kill to know that until we both die, my fww would be able to honestly say her wildest time was with me.

WH reason for 3some is he wants to see me with another woman. I think it is simply a way to get me to approve cheating.

Not necessarily. Some guys think it's hot. I think in the area of exploring sexuality some of us experimented a bit. I know I did and found performing with another girl for a guy was erotic and exciting for all parties (he didn't participate other than well...)

I've never done that since nor would I interject someone into a relationship now but I think if people are solid with their boundaries and self esteem "trying things on for size" isn't always an unpleasant experience.