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Whore-a-celly was the pursuer. I knew that from the get go because of her past life that she told me all about when we were friends. My h knew of this also.

Post a, a friend of mine and ow's told me that ow had been talking him up for two years prior. HOWEVER, makes no difference who pursued who. I put the blame all on my h. He was 50 years old, he knew right from wrong. He did this knowing full well that if I found out I would be hurt and devastated. Did all that stop him from his six week a, hell no. So the blame is on him in my opinion.

"Forged1"…..well put. For me, 10 years out now and I could give a rats ass who pursued who. The fact is, the two of them didn't give a shit about anyone but themselves.

[This message edited by TICKED OFF at 12:24 PM, August 23rd (Saturday)]

OW was pursuer.

She made up excuses to contact him about a project she was working on.

She lied about a co-worker in order to get my WH to assist her.

She followed my WH (while she was pregnant with her BS child) to a training class he was teaching (she had to hop a plane to get there)just to get a glimpse of him for a few hours...wiggled her way into the classroom through another co-worker and the dinner that evening.

She emailed WH asking him to call her (ASS did) when he was at his father's funeral out-of-state FALSELY lying that there was something wrong with her unborn child. Could you freaking imagine using your unborn child to manipulate your way into WH life?

She again wiggled her way into his classroom when he was teaching a course at her site...again using another co-worker, which led her to be invited to their group dinners.

She jumped at the chance to get into his car when a group went out to lunch when he was visiting her site. She NEEDED a ride back to the office. That's where she made her move and kissed him.

She contacted my WH AFTER HER HUSBAND FOUND AN INCRIMINATING EMAIL BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM. WH ended it. She manipulated him once again by insisting her BH would not tell me, and she now wanted my WH more than ever. She persisted, he fell.

She asked to meet WH at his hotel when he traveled to her site. He didn't say no.

WH was enjoying the attention and validation.

[This message edited by annb at 12:39 PM, August 23rd (Saturday)]

WS is an internet predator, looking for 'marks', targets of opportunity, on various FB apps and dating or hookup websites. There were plenty out there. Of course, I have no idea if he was prepared for shrek to be a stalker, just my humble opinion, but they certainly deserve each other.

Interesting question, but I've never thought of it this way.

I always just imagined two selfish jerks who collided and stuck like Velcro dust-balls due to both of their low character traits.

"OutOfTheDeep"…. I ask my h from time to time, how is it that two pituful selfish assholes find each other." I tell him him that he and his bitch must have had that "I am a pathetic piece of shit and I am looking for the same." Funny how they find it.

My fWH answered a craigslist posting from a MOW looking to cheat. He hadnt cheated before and hesitated at certain points and so MOW drove things along more. MOW and he agreed to casual secret sex but MOW was the aggressor sexually and coached him on how to handle guilt. Fwh kept having ED with whore but once he came inside cumdumpster he said he felt so very bad and guilty and said he was done. He even saw his own dead mothers face on hers during that act and didnt finish as usual.

My fwh used a 30 year old condom which broke inside bitch haha. Then MOW said she was pregnant even though she claimed to be 48(turns out she lied was 46 and had 7kids by 4men). She wasnt pregnant in end but told him there would be no abortion etc. They had sex one time and she was claiming tube ties fail week after and pregnancy 2weeks after. Guess having 7 kids and trapping men for this was her norm but not my fWH. MOW told him she had a list of things she was going to do us. He was in a nightmare situation which taught him a lesson I guess. Sad after 30years of being faithful that he needed lesson. I think his cheating was related to ED.

Turns out MOW was looking for a mark for financial gain so it blackmailed and stalked him and me unbeknownst to me. It even deflated air in tires of my car while it was parked at our home. MOW was bunny boiler and did other scary things before it went away. I still cant believe my fWH was so stupid to reply to craigslist ho ads much less let them in our home when MOW showed up to surprisehim even when he never told MOW our address. Psycho bitch was stalking him from the beginning.

[This message edited by whattheh at 4:48 PM, August 23rd (Saturday)]

OW was initially the pursuer (the A started the month she got married) but my H was receptive, and was an equal participant over the years (LTA). Toward the end, he was the one most likely to contact her for their sporadic hookups.

OW admitted her role to me. After I contacted her BH, her story changed quite a bit to make herself look like a victim (smh). To my knowledge, she is still playing the poor, poor me role.

In the end though, it doesn't matter who pursued whom. Their behavior was despicable and hurtful beyond imagining.

Did your WS pursue affair or were they pursued?

Cheating husband crashed someone's birthday party, where the slunt was handing out her business cards (a cleaning service, which I think is a "cover" for her being a hooker) along with flirty, double entendres and I'm guessing some come-hither-aren't-you-interested-in-me? body language.

Cheating husband called her, and pursued her. After all, that's how hookers work--you call them, they don't call you.

He told me the ow sent him suggestive emails (she was a coworker). I found a letter he wrote her claiming he was "glad I pushed the dialog and I knew exactly what I was doing."

My husband and OW knew each other since they were pre-teens, always had a crush on each other. Ultimately, after 30 years of wanting her, my husbands drive to get in her pants was just too strong and I'm sure he pursued it full throttle as soon as she opened that door a crack. Jerk.

[This message edited by lilylilith at 6:22 AM, August 25th (Monday)]

It was all my WH. He opened up a chat account and went looking. As much as I love to hate on the whore - I know it was all him.

OW trolls for men at the gym where my daughter trains. But, it was wh who suggested they exchange numbers. That's what bothers me the most in all of this.

In the beginning I absolutely thought is was Op that pursued, seduced and otherwise Hypnotized and used some kind of voodoo mind control (or how he would have me believe), but, alas, the truth has a way of finally bringing us into reality!

So, It was totally my WS... Emails from him in the beginning were all "grooming" and "probing" and overtly "boosting" her ego, while her replies were cordial and appropriate (for a time).

A hard pill to swallow.

He was pursued. Originally I didn't believe it (he was mid thirties, she had just turned 20), the story was that co-worker/mutual friend told OW about FWH (and his problems at home, I'm sure), and OW initiated contact via social networking, asking him to "hang out" with her.

Then I got to read the messages they exchanged.

Then by a stroke of luck, I was privy to her account and was able to read the messages she was exchanging with numerous men (many married) with the same profile.

Both times my WS was pursued, depending on how you define "pursued". The first time, the OW used his KISA tendencies to request his help getting somewhere because she didn't have a car. (They were overseas and cars are rare). She had already been making sure she showed up to work at the bar he was working at whenever he was there and a group of people made plans to go out after working at the bar. She asked him to meet at her room and, surprise, wasn't finished getting ready when he got there. Needless to say, she had him looking at photo albums while she was getting ready and used that as an excuse to sit down next to him to show him photos. They ended up having sex instead of going out. Afterward, they showed up at the place where everyone was meeting and no one thought anything of it. From then on, she started showing up at his room and following him pretty much everywhere. She called him so much he never had minutes on his phone when I tried to call him from the states so we rarely were able to speak between the time difference, my schedule with full time college and three kids, and his phone always being turned off. I'm actually surprised we managed to work through it.

The second time, I don't know if I'd call it pursuit as much as just throwing herself at him. They met in a group. He, to this day, cannot tell me what signals he sent that led her to believe he was interested other than being his normal, complimentary self with everyone there. He said they were all sitting around talking and he was not any more attentive to her than anyone else. He brought her and some other people down some drinks from his room which was visible from where they were sitting. When he decided to head back to his room, he left the door open and his music on. After all her friends and his coworkers went back to their rooms, she showed up in his doorway asking for a drink. He went into his kitchen to get her one and he said when he turned back around, his room door was closed and she was coming across the room and started kissing him. They had sex that night and every time she showed up at his room (usually uninvited) after that. He said he thought it was going to be a one night thing that I'd never know about but he couldn't get her to stop showing up. He also said that he was angry with himself because he had made it a point not to go out to bars or hang out in places with a lot of women because he didn't want to open himself up to the possibility of cheating. He stayed at his room when everyone else was going out so the affair came to him. It took a lot of discussion for him to realize the issue was his boundaries with people and the fact that he has seriously lowered inhibitions with alcohol consumption.

In both cases, he was away from home for extended periods and he is the type of person who doesn't like to be alone. I've never had an inkling that he was cheating when we were together.

Love OutOfTheDeeps because it is spot on in our case as well!!

Well, since I have almost all of their correspondence...

-COW gave off the first signals that she was interested and willing

-WH sent the first text that crossed the line

-COW then went into crazy obsessive mode and sent a theme song, invited WH over to her apartment so they could makeout and discussed how to execute the affair, she called herself the mistress, wished that they could roll back the clock 10 years and/or that I wanted an open marriage, invited him over to her apartment for a lunch quickie, and offered for him to spend two nights at her apartment the following week

-WH seemed a bit taken back with the approach and told her that it seems like this is all she thinks about. She replied with "This is how I work."

-WH got over it quick because he was delusional and thought he was George Clooney of his work place, so although her actions seemed strong, they were still warranted, because he knew he was so desirable!

-After the lunch time quickie, it was cemented that he was George Clooney and stud to all women! He mowed our lawn without a shirt and texted her about how he just gave the soccer moms a show

Yep, this was all in one week folks! I think they both would have kept pursuing each other because she has dad abandonment issues and was hospitalized when her last BF broke up with her, so I think she needed to feel special. I think he would have continued because he had such low self esteem especially after he went on viagra that he needed to fill the black hole within him.

Sadly, it was way to easy to find a willing partner. WH says now they were both low hanging fruit. Before I went to meet her, I asked him if she would have been someone I liked. He said "No, because no one really likes her. She's bossy, can't take criticism, extremely competitive, needs approval and validation on how talented she is, and high maintenance." (Most sane and confident men would run in the other direction with that description, but not when you are broken. It is the perfect match of dysfunction.) When I challenged him and said I have the chat logs where you say how you are all into her and how hot she is. He just shakes his head and says, he didn't like her but needed her to like him. And it goes both ways, I don't think she really liked him either, but needed to feel that he liked her. It really is sad that they really do seek external validation, but what they really need is internal validation.