SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We weren't married. I should have made him leave my house the very first time I found out he cheated. But we were less than a year into owning an expensive business together. The business would have failed without my input (even he says so!) and I would have been bankrupted, since I mortgaged my house to buy the business. So I rugswept this and every other indiscretion until I'd finally had enough.

I would have gathered more info before confronting him. I also would have separated for awhile. It was terribly difficult to be under the same roof and maintain the façade of normalcy for our children/friends.

The only thing I would do differently would have been to put a var in our office and keyloggers on the computers after dd1. I would have caught the continued email and phone contact much more quickly. Hindsight is 20/20.

I'm glad we didn't d, I now have the m we should have always had. R has taught my h how to be an open, giving person. The fear of losing me has taught him more than all the years of conversations about meeting each other's needs ever did.

[This message edited by tl502 at 8:27 AM, February 6th (Friday)]

Not one BS is regretting leaving their Wayward. WOW!

I noticed that, too. The only regret I see is from those who stayed or stayed too long.

"Living In Limbo"……Exactly what I have been telling all new BS's. Gather ALL the info you can before the storm, and by all means, kick their asses to the curb so that YOU as the BS can have some time to think about what YOU really want.

" It was terribly difficult to be under the same roof and maintain the façade of normalcy for our children/friends." You hit it right on the head with this sentence. It was a charade at best when I allowed my h to stay instead of separating. It didn't give me the chance to really think it out in my mind and to really look at the disrespect and lack of love he should towards our marriage. And now 11 years later I am stuck with a roomie at best and YES, still living 2 houses down from the whore. And Yes I could move, but FUCK HER, I will not leave all my family and friends to ease either one ot the guilt they both have now.

I wouldn't have changed the fact that I stayed--no regrets at all. However, I would have been a lot more angry right away. I would have demanded him call her right in front of me and end it, instead of letting him have a private conversation to do it--I look back on that and think I must have been in shock to allow that. I also would have gone to the ends of the earth to find her husband and tell him right away. I never did that and she went on to have another affair immediately and left him 1.5 years later. To this day, that's the only thing that really bothers me. I have so much guilt about that still. I was a complete wussy in the beginning and I regret that. I wish I could go back and tell the scared, broken me at the time to be brave, fear NOTHING and take no prisoners!

Shoulda, coulda, woulda……..I guess it's never too late. I should listen to my own advice I guess.

Not accept being trickled truth.

x walked out on dday #1. I was totally crushed and devastated. He was a monster to me. I was barely functioning, so isolated, just a mess.

Then it didn't work out with ow, I think she dumped him but I never got the truth.

I was just beginning, barely beginning to function, put bills in my name, filed for d. Then there he was.

I was very cautious but not cautious enough. He was coming around, doing things at the house but I wouldn't let him have a key until he asked, I caved.

Then one day I asked him, "are you living here again?" Like I had no choice, no say! I gave up my power in that moment. I knew it too but was not strong enough yet to defend myself.

That is the one moment I would change. I would say no, you will not live here until I feel safe with you, until you prove yourself to me.

Yes, 20/20 hindsight.

I do not regret the

If it wasn't for my daughter I would curse the day I ever met the asshole. I regret putting my career on hold. I would have been better suited to leave him financially, but even then I wouldn't have been forced to move in with my brother and really decompress and re evaluate.

I filed for D last feb also, he convinced me he was going to change and I cancelled the file. Yeah he fooled me and destroyed me even more, didn't know that could have been possible. I would have gone through with the original divorce, I could be in such a great place now if I had instead of just getting it finalized. Also I confronted the whore dec 2013, I was too nice, I wish I'd told her to fucking leave my family alone and threatened her life now. Instead I became a huge joke to them, and still am

When I found that DC made a profile on the dating site and I found the movie tickets in his pocket, I would of packed his stuff up and put it outside my door, locked up everything and stayed the hell away from my house until the shit passed, I would of never mentioned the profile. I wouldn't have gone through this 2 more times with him and be in a panic wondering where the hell I am going to move in a few months. I guess he figured out how to pull at my heart strings, he looked so remorseful the first time, it looked like he died inside. It sucks I have a heart of gold.

But history repeats its self. Hes doing all the same things with old hag. Its only a matter of time before he gets bored.

Honestly? And I'm not proud of this, but I am being brutally honest.

I would have waited until the first time they had sex, and I would have snuck up behind him, and I would have beheaded him while he was inside of her. The way they did it would have made it easy (her on her hands and knees in the bathroom, him behind her, back to the door.

I feel so very much hatred for him, it's unreal. It really does scare me sometimes... but I know my reactions, and i know my weaknesses, and to know that it was going to happen, I couldn't let it.

If I was able to go back farther, I'd never have befriended that traitorous cur, and my wife may have had the urges, she may have had the thoughts, but I honestly believe that she wouldn't have acted on them if he hadn't made the push when she was in the mental place she was at the time.

((((TICKED OFF)))

I know that part of my reasoning was that I went through this with my own parents when I was in my teens. Much as our children are older than that, I vividly remember the intense pain and confusion. It led to a nervous breakdown and my being hospitalized for two months.

That's why I didn't separate as the kids would need to know why and I wanted to spare them the pain I dealt with.

I would have stayed at my mom's and never looked back.We would be divorced now. I would have avoided a great deal of drama and pain.

2 critical junctures I made bad decisions on, that I would change:

1. The wedding day. Our wedding was just the two of us in Hawaii. He showed up 2 days late. Then on the morning of the ceremony he told me he "can't go through with it". I was calm, we talked, and after an hour I realized it wasn't going to change; I needed to go to pay the priest and the florist (they were waiting at the place). So I packed my things, intending to go to the airport after I stopped by and told everyone it was off. When I arrived there, in T-shirt, they told me "no, he called; he is on his way" I should have bolted then. Or waited for him and still told him no. Even as we were saying our vows to each other, I clearly remember thinking "I hope I'm not marrying another asshole".

2. 18 months into our M I got pregnant. We had a fight one weekend, he left. And on the Monday he showed up with a moving van. And I was home, miscarrying. He was surprised and pissed that I was home. I showed him the embryo I had just expelled. He still moved. He never asked how I was doing during our separation, like the pregnancy never existed. 7 months later after much agony on my part he moved back. I should have left, and never reconciled.

I like the saying attributed to Maya Angelou: when a person shows you who they are, believe them. Wish I had heard it back then. These last 20 years were nothing more than a colossal waste of 2 precious decades of my life.

If I could go back, I would do nothing different.

You see, I believe that there are reasons for the experiences that I had and without them, I would not be who is walking the earth in my form now.

I don't know why all that happened did, but it changed who I am and I like me lately...I didn't know me before. All my effort and attention went to him.

Also, there's the factor of my kids. Though roughly ejected into single parenting, I do give thanks for my two kids.

Now that time has past and though it was awful, during strong moments I believe I knew and was married to that person in order that I become someone else... and to do more with my life than what that married life would have given myself and children. For he is very small minded and lives in a kind of box that I hope to never experience again. If the marriage lasted, he would have been too controlling to let us have experiences we now can.

I would have also gone the steps of the last three years just the same too. I can spend my life with certainty that I did all I could. And now I am free.

I would have left after the first d day ....4 years ago

I would have filed immediately.

I would have insisted that he leave the house and do some soul searching.

I don't know if it would have changed where we are now, but I would've had more peace.