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Dad made my wife apologize to my brother and says I need to man up and deal with it because my brother is trying to get into the union and can’t give that up or afford to take care of a kid ...

I gather your brother has always been the "golden" child with your sister the "scapegoat"...and you've been sitting in the middle clueless.

.. wife started threatening to call cops on me

You were quick with the phone but don't depend on being able to catch her next time. Pick up a Voice Activated Recorder from Best Buy or Staples and keep it with you all the times.

Your lawyer should be able to trace the $20K she's hidden. Either that or see that she gets nothing else.

my parents say I can’t do this, it would be too embarrassing for the family.

Having a family like this is what is embarrassing. Get your lawyer to file as soon as you can then go public with the whole mess.

Expose the affair and your parents behavior to everyone. And stay away from them.

Your wife won't go to jail for adultery but

If your wife lies to the judge about the $20,000 she can go to prison.

This actually is embarrassing for your family and they know it, that's why they want to keep it secret. If your brother is such a gem then he should have her and you should move far far away. What happened to you really is hard to stomach. Sorry, no advice from me just wanted to give you a virtual hug. Only this maybe be quick and decisive, you are on the right path.

Your father and brother should man up, not you! You already are way more man than they combined and then some.

[This message edited by bookworm19 at 7:38 AM, April 12th (Friday)]

Keep moving toward freeing yourself from the whore. Go total 'no contact' with all of them. Take everything that's yours and place it in storage or sell it. Communicate only through your lawyer. DO NOT over think your situation. Get free as quickly as possible. Don't second guess yourself and don't believe anything she, your brother, or your family say. Get copies of all bank records so you have proof of her taking money from your accounts. Secure proof of the affair and proof of anything else that will help you in divorce proceedings. Lastly, learn from this experience. Don't do it again and don't pick the same type of woman ever again.

WOW!

So your parents knew she was involved with your brother even before you married and did not say anything? Unbelievable.

Lay everything out for your lawyer. If they are any good, they can track the money she is hiding and get at least half of it back.

Don't talk to your parents about your plans. They obviously want you to be the one to eat this shit sandwich you have been served.

Get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and keep it on you anytime you think you may see her.

Get tested for STDs. Your brother sounds like an entitled jack ass. Your wife might not be the only one he is banging.

Be sure to remove your soon to be X-wife as beneficiary of any insurance policies you have. Change it to your sister since she is the only one who supports you.

Any word? Are you okay?

Please update us when you can. We're here for you.

Dad made my wife apologize to my brother and says I need to man up and deal with it

If my dad had said something to me like that he would have ended up on his back in a pool of his own blood spitting out teeth.

Your parents are despicable.

I too come from a bad family, and I distanced myself from them long ago. Funerals are the only time they ever see me.

Got the rest of my money out of our joint checking early this morning and opened a new account. Headed to meet with attorney now. My sister is flying in tonight and is going to help me get my stuff from my house over the next couple days. She doesn’t talk to my parents, can’t say I blame her now

I'm glad you have a sister who loves you. I have the same. My older sister was always the black sheep. After she left home she never came around and barely ever spoke to our parents. I was mad at her for a long time, until I got into my 20s and saw how despicable my parents and other siblings really were. I realized then and there that she was hip to all the things I was blind to, and that she was the emotionally healthy one...not us. She is my only close family member and the only one I really talk to anymore.

My sister came with me this morning to collect my clothes. I told her to start recording on her phone once we go inside because of what my lovely wife had already threatened so she did. We get inside and the house is trashed, my clothes are everywhere and looks like she poured cooking oil all over them!! She tried coming at me and my sister told her off pretty good. I just gave her the silent treatment as I collected my stuff. Then she throws a vase at our tv and my sister called the cops. Now wife is sitting in a jail cell Ha Ha Ha! Loser brother can bail her out or she can rot for all I care.

It's a really good thing you didn't go alone and that you remembered to take video evidence. I'm thinking that if you hadn't taken those precautions, she'd have probably gone through with her threats to accuse you of D/V.

Any news on seeing an attorney? It really sounds like you're going to need to stay a step ahead.

Then she throws a vase at our tv and my sister called the cops. Now wife is sitting in a jail cell Ha Ha Ha!

Bud that is the smartest thing to do. If you're you'll smart file a restraint order against her now.

You have a great sister btw.

The exposure in your case will be a good thing. You'll find the truth fixes a lot of things.

Take a page from your sister and move away from this calamity

Denny33, I'm so sorry, but having your sister by your side had to be a breath of fresh air during this hellish time.

Keep up the good work and keep checking in.

The saddest thing about all this is the danger to the health of the baby. From the sounds of the story, WW and brother are abusing one substance or another. In some states, women have been put in prison to complete their pregnancies in order to protect the health of the baby. Well, technically, they're charged with drug crimes and locked up.

This situation is beyond awful and my heart is breaking for you. I'm so glad your sister came.

Well, that was predictable. She was burned by her own strategy. Keep your sister or others close to you in order to avoid false accusations in the future. I hope you gave your sister a big hug for guarding your back in this. Perhaps the photos from the wrecked house and ruined clothing can be used to your benefit.

Don’t let the family blackmail you into dropping the charges. It will set a precedent for future issues. No contact with those willing to damage you. I’m sorry this is such an ugly mess.

Get a restraining order and stay in the house. Put her stuff in a storage unit pre paid for a month. She would have pinned all that damage on you if you hadn't been prepared. Great work and keep up the speedy progress.

I am so relieved you have ONE family member who has your back instead of has a knife in your back.

Please do spend a little money on legal help right now. File a restraining order against your wife, she has demonstrated that she will harm both your property and you.

If you rent notify your landlord immediately that you are no longer living on the premises. When I left I asked the landlord to release me from the rental agreement and to take me off the lease. I told him he could keep the whole amount of the deposit just so I could get the F out of there.

If you own, talk to your lawyer about what to do if she damages the property. Make sure you are insured, and that she cannot cancel the policy on you!

NOW, the hard part. You need to go NO CONTACT with her. This is absolutely essential for your well being. Let your lawyer handle the divorce. Let your lawyer notify her that if her pregnancy continues you will contest paternity and refuse to be named as the father of any child of hers, and you will further contest any attempts to collect child or spousal support.

OMG Denny33,

I'm in absolute shock for you, I wish I had some epic words of wisdom or advice for you but I don't I'm afraid.

however id really like to say hold on tight to that sister of yours she sounds like a real gem, Thankful you have 1 family member fighting for you.

Is there anyway you can stay with your sister in the near future just while crossing your t's & dotting your i's so you have the support you will need?

sending virtual hugs & strength to you & your awesome sis

Have you followed up with your lawyer about your wife's incarceration? Do not communicate with her, your brother, or your parents about the incident or your plans. Leave that to your lawyer.

Speaking of which, how did it go yesterday?

DO NOT GET NAMED ON ANY BIRTH CERTIFICATE WITHOUT A DNA TEST.

I cannot say this with enough emphasis.