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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 10:58 PM on Friday, January 3rd, 2020
I opted against STD testing for myself because my W got tested. HPV showed up in her results; there was no test for HPV in men at the time.
My objections to polygraphs are:
1) I had far too many questions for a poly, and I expect that the vast majority of BSes have, too.
2) I believe most human beings are more sensitive to indicators of truth/lies than machines are.
3) The operator can make or break a test, and I have no reliable way of evaluating an operator.
4) For many people, a gut sense that the WS is withholding critical info is enough to pull the plug on the M. For them, a poly is superfluous.
5) If the poly says '100% truthful,' and the gut says, 'She's holding something back,' the poly was a waste of time and money.
I could go on, but if more is needed, I'm the wrong person to be writing on this topic.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Westway ( member #71747) posted at 11:51 PM on Friday, January 3rd, 2020
Just read up on your story and my heart goes out to you. I cannot add anything to what these people have said, other that until she completely shuts the other man out of her life, there is no hope for reconciliation at all. You will just be spinning your wheels.
There is a term they use here called the "pick me dance". Please, whatever you do, do NOT do this. Don't compete for her affection. You would be better off telling her you are divorcing her and that she is free to go and be with the man she loves, and that you wish her the best. Seriously: file for divorce and tell her that you want her to be happy, and that if this new man is who makes her happy, then you will move on with your own life and find someone who is not a cheater and who will make YOU happy.
Me: 52;
XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater
Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.
Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 12:43 AM on Saturday, January 4th, 2020
Sorry double post
Buffer
[This message edited by Buffer at 6:46 PM, January 3rd (Friday)]
Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 12:45 AM on Saturday, January 4th, 2020
Hi Spaceman.
What Westway said word for word. It is about you and your happiness.
How can you feel safe in this relationship if WW and the POS are still being friends?
Also if she is financially supporting him and being in contact for a new abode.
She has to go NC Now not just for a week. Is she remorseful for her actions or for being caught? If they just kiss 💋 (bullshit) some STDs as well STIs can be passed in saliva. She and you need to be tested now!
Life some times sucks 
Exercise, drink water only healthy eating start 180 now ! Move into the LA home and let her remain in the primary residence.
Buffer
cannotforgive ( member #43367) posted at 11:55 AM on Saturday, January 4th, 2020
So, people spent their valuable time to give you advice and and help you and you remove your posts?
cannotforgive ( member #43367) posted at 11:55 AM on Saturday, January 4th, 2020
duplicate, slow internet
[This message edited by cannotforgive at 5:56 AM, January 4th (Saturday)]
Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 3:09 PM on Saturday, January 4th, 2020
Your WW taking an STD test Is not a surefire guarantee that she hasn’t passed something on to you. Get tested yourself.
A polygraph is just a tool, but a very strong one. It supplements other information, it serves as a psychic pressure point, and I recommend it
"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."
BH: 50, WW: 49 Wed: Feb.'96 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2: 12.23.19
beenthereinco ( member #56409) posted at 6:02 PM on Saturday, January 4th, 2020
JSpaceman,
Not sure where you went and why you took your posts with you. If you heard something here you didn't like I am sorry but having looked back over your thread I didn't see anyone say anything overly harsh. Perhaps Mrs. Spaceman found this site and you're covering it up?
We'll be here if you decide to come back. The people here are great and they give advice out of experience and compassion. We are all sorry when anyone shows up here and needs it.
DeWittle ( member #50857) posted at 2:58 AM on Sunday, January 5th, 2020
I must be missing something, all of his post are there, nothing has been deleted.
AFL1000 ( member #66483) posted at 5:54 AM on Sunday, January 5th, 2020
DeWittle
JSpaceman did delete his posts. The Guidelines state:
SI.com does not delete entire threads unless absolutely necessary, even at the original Author's request.
Not sure if JSpaceman had second thoughts or if the mods intervened and restored his deleted posts.
DeWittle ( member #50857) posted at 6:38 AM on Sunday, January 5th, 2020
Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 12:33 AM on Monday, January 6th, 2020
JSpaceman ... how are you doing?
You're not the first person to walk this painful path.
You are not alone.
[This message edited by Robert22205https at 6:33 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]
DBFool2019 ( member #72288) posted at 9:12 PM on Tuesday, February 4th, 2020
Sorry your here Spaceman, but you seem to have found the right place.
If her word is to believed, they stopped just short of sex (on several occasions, including in our house in LA... vomit.) Also, if her word is to believed, she broke it off with him ("let's just be friends") that same day she left Austin, and the day it all went down outside the shower. And third, if her word is to be believed, she started seeing a therapist about a month ago in an effort to figure out how to end that relationship, and how to tell me that it happened.
Her word is NOT to be believed. Grown ass adults don't ruin their lives for "almost". Hang in there and listen to the experienced members here and you will have your best chance of making it out of this mess in one piece!
EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 9:41 PM on Tuesday, February 4th, 2020
Hey Spaceman - I know how hard it it is to read responses in JFO. I remember when I first stumbled in here too. How are you holding up?
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
DBFool2019 ( member #72288) posted at 1:50 PM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2020
the major theme there is just that this was some one-in-a-million chemical reaction out of her control that would have never happened if she wasn't in that exact moment
So, in essence she is telling you that this "chemical reaction" out of her control can happen again at some point. Is this something you're willing to roll the dice on again after all of this hurt she has caused? She's not taking responsibility in any way, shape, or form.
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