SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

i really need to figure this site out...

anyway, sir, keep posting it here. you are going to want and need an outlet.

if your STBXW is tech savvy and you ever need to ghost her for a while to destress, reach out to a TIO. generally speaking, they are pretty spun up on such things.

or at least, if they are worth their salt, they are.

"She doesn't want a divorce".

"Yeah, well I didn't want another man's unit in my wife, in my own home/bed, and for the neighbors to all be privy to it".

Leave it to your atty.

Have a snack. Watch a movie.

She is a persona non grata.

A few more hours, you're gone.

She's working through the 5 stages of grief over her marriage. PO1 is doing the same for his life. I've linked to this before. Good instructional video.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Z3lmidmrY

Psychologically this is a very difficult situation to try to figure out from any direction when it’s a woman you have loved and trusted almost half your life. .. which I am sure is the greatest most painful mindfuck for you.... we get it,

1) Was the OM a player who preyed on her weakness because he knew she was lonely due to her husband being on 9 deployments in 13 years, and so he went after her like a bird dog after a sitting duck?

2) Was she looking for somebody that she thought would be a safe fuckbuddy to have an affair with? Because obviously a married man with two kids in the Navy wasn’t going to cause a fuss, so she could easily send him packing back to his family when you returned...

3) Was she madly in love with the other man and they were star-crossed lovers and she was willing to lose it all for him in an exit affair?

I am sorry, but from what I have seen. In the last few days it looks to be #2 😭🤯😡

Sometimes, unfortunately, the AP’s command does very little.....either there is too little evidence or it is deemed to not have an impact on unit order, or the CO simply isn’t interested in creating a scandal....

Unfortunately, I can say there is also another reason why so little happens after adultery is alleged. I am a 30/30/30 former spouse. Col. WX was a squadron commander & vice wing commander who had a problem with the zipper on his flight suit. When he sat on a Court Martial board - how hard do you think he was gonna come down on an offender? I found docs on my home computer where he wrote letters of defense for guys who had been caught putting Tab A in Slot B. In sooo many ways it is a good ol' boy network.

LtCdrLost- when the drama calms down, it is likely the trauma will surface. Revisiting ways you could have done things differently in the marriage is normal, expect those thoughts to surface, just try not to waste too much time dwelling there. Also expect thoughts reviewing her odd statements or actions over the years and wondering what was really going on back then. It is like wack-a-mole when you think you have settled your heart and mind on one issue, another pops up. Ride the waves, go thru the grieving process for what you thought you had, what you have lost, and heal. After your swim through shit creek take a long hot shower, (not a Navy shower!), wash off the shit and begin anew.

When your ready, consider joining us over in the Div/Sep pages.

Do not give her the house unless she has to refi.

My xh gave me the house and it was very hard for him to get qualified for his new home bc he was still on the mortgage.

Plus, if she starts missing payments to get back at you (you know, bc you divorced her ) it’s going to be on your credit report.

The house is paid off.

Do you need to screenshot those texts for more proof for JAG? That way they know POSOM contacted A. I am sure there was a no contact order.

I can't believe she's still in contact with the om!

What an idiot!

If she's defending and protecting a man who fucked her in her husband's house, she's clearly delusional.

The old grey mare ain't what she used to be.

If you have any further contact with her and/or her father, you should definitely mention that she has been in contact with the OM after she professed that "it was all mistake".

Not his monkey.

Not his circus.

He's done.

"Did you have to involve the Navy in this? His wife is divorcing him and going back to Texas with their kids"

On one hand she says that she wants you back but OTOH she is still in the contact with the OM, feeling sorry for him. Wow - isn't that special...

Give her 4 months to get on her feet (or to shack up with the newly divorced OL with a dead end career), then sell the house and split the $ if need be. Enjoy the good life in Sandy Eggo.

I can’t help but notice the similarity in your WW’s response to being served and the aftermath, and a similar shock and awe case in recent weeks involving the poster 2018MLMM. In both cases the WW’s were served D papers unexpectedly after carrying on secret sordid affairs. Similar to your WW, the WW in the earlier case was also defiant and said she would never take off her wedding ring even if divorced, and would never give up fighting to get her marriage and family back no matter how long it took. It is almost like when the WS is outed so dramatically and unexpectedly they can’t accept the reality of what has happened. Their world has been shattered. One second they had everything, their AP and their BS and a marriage, and then in a matter of a split second they have nothing. The shock of it seems to make them unbalanced as they try to grasp what has happened. Just my thought.

Yep, shock and awe is a bitch.

They'll never be the same.

Just a thought, but the POSOM's lawyer, will most likely position his defense by making you out to be the villain.

Something like, "My client was just helping out a friend. He was a shoulder to cry on for the poor wife of this physical and emotionally abusive, overly aggressive pipe fitter. They became close and one thing led to another. The heart wants what the heart wants." How I hate the expression.

Think about countering this narrative by securing everything that proves it's untrue. Cards and letters from your WW expressing love. That kind of stuff. Emails between the two of you as wells or emails from her to him where she defends you(if any). Anything to disrupt the re-writing of your marital history.

PS. Did you ever think you'd get advise from the Shore Patrol? (former MP here) You're doing great.

Where the hell did "A" go? This woman is no one I know.

This is the biggest mindfuck of all. EVERY ONE OF US here has asked the same about our WS. You'll go crazy trying to figure out if she's always been like this or if she turned into this new person. More than likely, she was this person all along, but you just couldn't see it.

This may have been said already but in Virginia you can file for an absolute divorce on grounds of adultery. She may contest the divorce but it will get pushed through.

She's still living in unicorn fart land where you get to fuck anyone you want without consequences. Reality sucks. Just ask all these betrayed spouses.

I need to learn how this can be handled if she just refuses to participate.

Sir, it won't matter, she will either file a response to your petition to divorce or accept a default judgement. I'm sure your lawyer will advise you the same. I hesitate to comment here as I am neither betrayed or a betrayer, I just read here to advise my betrayed son. (HT to all you lovely folks that make me look wise) She can make it take longer, she cannot refuse to participate.