SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She did mention the D to OP a while ago, the last time they talked on the phone (or at least the last time I heard and she said they talked). He didn't seem to bothered by it, but kept pushing her to get a seperate apartment, "so she could figure herself out".

Gee. And why might he want her to get her a separate apartment??? What was her response????

He didn't seem to bothered by it, but kept pushing her to get a seperate apartment, "so she could figure herself out".

And all of this time you thought her IC told her to separate for awhile?

She told him that she wasn't sure a separate apartment would help anything at this time.

Read Craigs post to you. matches up perfectly with what you said her IC told her to do when you were almost ready to rent her a hotel space. And if i remember right, she was all for it until you posted here and people went crazy telling you that was insane. Imagine where you would be if that had occurred.

McChercheur asked you if you had been able to match up bills with all the times she said she went to IC?

The bottom line here is that the fact that you are still uncomfortable with the situation means she is not doing what needs to be done. When you say youre fine, that hardly is a ringing endorsement of your situation.

She is NOT going through this with no outlet to talk to. And you apparently have no idea who that is or might be, so at this point you are in the dark i guess since you have heard no conversations with GF or anyone. You really think she is doing this alone in her thoughts.

The reason this is important is that if it is not OM she is talking to, and i think it is, then there is a GF here who is not a friend of your marriage.

You are getting advice here because you wanted help. She is "trapped" with all your work friends supposedly as her friends so who is advising her???? Could you have gone through all this alone???

[This message edited by Badhurt at 11:34 AM, June 16th (Monday)]

I agree with bad hurt. Could be toxic gf who obviously sees zero wrong with infidelity. Most women need to talk with somebody else about"issues", often some other woman. Or worse, she's essentially checked,out and the confidant is telling her to give it a try. That would explain the sexy texts the likes,of which shed never sent to you before.

Is she still in IC? And is she dealing with marriage issues or just her personal,feelings about herself? Maybe she'll open up on that topic in MC.

I agree with bad hurt. Could be toxic gf who obviously sees zero wrong with infidelity.

That brings up another question. Most if not all of the attention here has been on what your wife talks to the OM about via the VAR.

What do you hear her talking to this gf about via the VAR?

She def is in IC. the payments have been made with out card and the insurance records back it up as well.

I think she really had cut the other gf out mostly. She hasn't talked with her much (and the times they do, it's really short and more of my wife just trying to get off the phone.

IUH

Wasnt the original agreement that this GF was to be cut off completely. If she was remorseful she would be telling her GF that her GF was not honest with her by not telling her she had permission to cheat, and therefore was a major contributor to this affair. Yes you wife made the decision but the other friends got pissed so this one actually contributed to the thing.

So another agreement broken. And don't tell me her GF does not know what is going on and that they are not talking about it.She had to tell the girlfriend that the tryst was off because you caught her

And when you say you "think" that she has cut a lot of conversation that is worrisome that she has not been asked directly that question or refuses to answer it.

So now you know she still talks to her partner in crime willingly at all. This girl schemes with her to cheat on you . She is your enemy.

IUH , FYI, many open marriages start when one partner is caught cheating. I think even after you caught her her goal was to have you both. This gf may be giving her advice on how to bring you around to that. Next thing you might hear is that we didn't have sex and I feel trapped and I can at least be friends and talk to him. There is a lot of that crap on the board here. Just trying to help you be prepared for anything you might hear because you are still not hearing what you should be from her or you would feel like a new man . That would be a big mistake

[This message edited by Badhurt at 2:10 PM, June 16th (Monday)]

IUH, is WW talking to you about the upcoming MC appt at all?

Hi IUH,

Isn't your MC appt tomorrow?

I am guessing that your WW may have some anxiety about it---may even feel cornered to some degree. If I were her, I would need to talk to someone about it. Don't know if she is talking to her girlfriends, or if she is still talking to POSOM secretly, but today would be the day for a lot of talking---so as to get advice on how to proceed.

After MC, if I were her, I would definitely need to debrief, especially if I felt persecuted during the session ( which she will if you focus on her infidelity).

So be on the alert.

IUH

Listen to mcchercueur. You r wife , who says she feels trapped, is about to go to MC where I hope you have made it clear that the discussion is going to center on her affair and the fact that you do not a believe she has been totally truthful to you. That MUST be causing anxiety, and who would she want to talk to. Her special friend who she can talk about stuff with. She is going to break NC before and after this session. The question is will you catch her. ?

IUH

Someone just posted thread "Before You Reconcile". If you have not read it you should before tomorrow.

[This message edited by Badhurt at 10:50 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)]

Badhurt, do you have anything else going in your life besides this thread? You've been so obsessed with it that it's both; comical and disturbing.

The post quoted below, one of 135 you have made in this thread so far, is a classic example of it:

IUH

Listen to mcchercueur. You r wife , who says she feels trapped, is about to go to MC where I hope you have made it clear that the discussion is going to center on her affair and the fact that you do not a believe she has been totally truthful to you. That MUST be causing anxiety, and who would she want to talk to. Her special friend who she can talk about stuff with. She is going to break NC before and after this session. The question is will you catch her. ?

Dude, you need to relax a bit.

Adrianna

First of all you did not post anything to IUH , but chose to attack me

Second it's none of your business why I chose this thread to become a large posted to and not others but if you must know it started because I am also an Indiana grad and the way he was being crapped on bothered me.

Third , as far as my life is concerned, if you have what I have when you are my age you'll consider yourself in pretty good shape that you still do not have to work.

So why don't you do what others do and post your opinion on what he should do and stop worrying about me because when some have disagreed on some things the overwhelming number of posts here do not indicate everything I say is crazy.

So far you have said nothing to him

adriana1980...

If you can't be constructive and also polite to the members here, you can kindly find somewhere else on the internet to post.

I want everybody to know I appreciate all your comments and help! No really think I would be in a much worst place right now if I didn't have this forum and your experience to help. I know I'm still in Limbo and I know I can't trust anything she says or does. Tomorrow is our MC and I'm hoping to get a glimpse of if she is willing to do what it takes to start getting out of limbo. I am very close to my end here and won't be sticking around much longer if changes are not made by her.

Thank you for your help

You are very welcome. Just for kicks, check out your very first posting and think about how far you have come on this sad journey.

You are nearing the goal line. Don't fumble the ball tomorrow.

Let us know how it goes.

Remember, it could be a disappointing "get to know you" session for the most part. C needs to know what s/he is dealing with, meaning your POV and hers.

Duplicate posting deleted. Damn tablet.

[This message edited by Schadenfreude at 5:39 PM, June 17th (Tuesday)]