SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Stay the course LCL. Please trust me, thirty years of this crap sandwich. I would be so much better off if I had deployed shock and awe the first time.

He says she flat refuses to talk about a divorce, that she doesn't want a divorce.

LtCdrLost

Let me decipher your wife’s words and actions:

You don’t understand. You were never supposed to catch them. She had no intention of ever running away with him. He was married with young kids. That’s why he was the perfect short term affair partner.

What you didn’t know wouldn’t hurt you. Don’t take her affair personally. It was just a guilty pleasure that was just innocent fun.

Your marriage was fine and she never wanted it to end. She loves you so much. The proof of that is that she picked someone safe. She would never end her marriage for him and he would never end his marriage for her. There’s no reason to ruin his life over something so insignificant.

Why are you so upset?

[This message edited by Michigan at 10:02 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

Given her ease in defending posom, it's not a stretch to suggest that there were other 'handy' men during past deployments. Her mistake? She got comfortable.

Michigan absolutely nailed it on the head!

Just to let you know, while your phone account is active, I think you can get 2 years of phone records, in case you want to see when it started.

In my D, I was granted discovery, which meant I subpoenaed his work cell phone records. Ouch. 200 texts a day going back a year.

I could have dug thru his bank statements, too, and recovered the $$ he spent on OW, but I wasn’t thinking straight at the time.

In the end, I decided I had enough to know I couldn’t trust him ever again, and had everything I needed to make my decision to D. Digging any further was stopping me from moving on.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 10:43 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

Not defending her by any means but I imagine her head is still spinning also. It's only been 3 days since she's been exposed, her AP has been exposed, she's been served with divorce papers, has to move out of her home, etc. In most cases a WS deals with these consequences over weeks, months, and sometimes years and even then they usually see it coming ahead of time.

It might be several months or longer before she pulls her head out of her ass. Or maybe she never will. But based on her behavior, texts, and messages her head is still quite firmly planted in her ass.

Not saying she isn't reconciliation material, or at least won't be down the road, but if there are no kids in the picture I always say walk away. I think you're making the right decision for yourself. You'll find someone else who you can be happy with. You handled things the best way you could.

"Something about her texts [her wording] tells me this may not have been her first rodeo..."

Ditto that. Her texts read like a practiced manipulator.

"I know I can make you want to be with me again. Let's go to ****** on Saturday, remember that trip?"

Seriously? You don't think much of yourself do you? Manipulation and she's not humble at all. I vaguely remember a movie that had a similar line; I’m thinking that the husband ended up dead.

"Baby let's just keep this between us OK? Please?"

Manipulating on the OM’s behalf. I’m sorry but this woman is creeping me out.

She's racking her brain on ways to get a face-to-face. Good you'll be in SD.

Hmmm she’s so eager to keep you.....

1) She doesn’t want you digging any further into her phone records, bank accounts.

2) Plus in my state, if you have sex with the WS, adultery is off the table.

Keep strong.

Congrats on the below-zone select. FY19 O-5 URL? Board results must be running early this year. It's always a relief to get promotion news. Again, congrats!

[This message edited by Cromer at 10:52 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

Your journey to date, and how you are getting to your destination, is perfect. Reminiscent of Spaceghost's course of action.

Please be mindful of your mental and emotional status. You are probably self aware enough to know that you are on the roller coaster, and hopefully you are able to get the help you need from your Chaplain.

Your creed you live by is commendable, and you have shown that it has shaped you to what you are. Well done.

Wishing you all the best.

BTW, I commend you on your writing, it reads and flows very smoothly!

As much as I've been gone, she's had plentiful opportunities to carry on outside the marriage. With what I've known these past few months and what has played out since her affair was blown up, I'm certainly not going to speak up on her behalf. For all I know this has been her SOP whenever I'm gone. It is not just the actual deployments either. Since 2006 there have been any number of exercises, training cycles, workups for deployments, etc. So, maybe she just got sloppy and was observed by someone with the presence of mind to get a photo & get it to me. I owe that woman a debt of gratitude I can never repay.

It's moot though. If this was the first time she strayed and that could be proved to my satisfaction, I'd still be checked out of the marriage.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 12:10 AM, April 17th (Tuesday)]

Congrats on the below-zone select. FY19 O-5 URL? Board results must be running early this year. It's always a relief to get promotion news. Again, congrats!

I've seen nothing official, but thank you sir.

I've seen nothing official, but thank you sir.

If you were notified by your command then the Flag Officer early notification is out. Public results are just days behind. I know a couple of people, former students, waiting on that board. I'll be looking for the ALNAV. I'm excited for them! Enjoy your leave, you've earned it.

There was verbal congratulations offered by my Group CO on Saturday. Reliable I'd say but still nothing in the nature of a document.

There was verbal congratulations offered by my Group CO on Saturday. Reliable I'd say but still nothing in the nature of a document.

Right, that is how it works. You wouldn't see the FO early notification, it's close hold. But if you were notified, it's out and what matters is you're on it. It is a huge cut and you made it. Especially for such a small community. I know what you've gone through sucks, but this is a big deal and you should be proud.

I know the board met in Millington in mid-February. The date of promotion is 1 October. It is a nice backdrop to all that has happened and what I'm sure is still to come.

What breaks somebody like this? She's a highly intelligent woman, a 160+ IQ, a Masters level engineer with degrees from competitive and prestigious schools. I really thought I had a keeper in her.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 11:25 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

I thought I had a keeper too. My XWW is a stranger that I never really knew. I know how it feels and I sympathize.

I know the board met in Millington in mid-February. The date of promotion is 1 October. It is a nice backdrop to all that has happened and what I'm sure is still to come.

I used to be involved in officer promotions during one of my tours. For the Navy, you can track the progress here: removed in the interest of privacy Usually, the FO notification doesn't go out until approved by the President, that's why I remarked that it must be moving fast, hence a good thing for you!!

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:25 AM, April 17th (Tuesday)]

IQ has nothing to do with character or emotional regulation.

Totally different parts of the brain. I come from a large family of genius fuckups. Self-sabotage is our modus operandi. I have one sister whose smarts are matched with good self-care and integrity. The rest of my relatives can't get their shit together to save their lives. All in the 135-155 IQ range.

Sad to say....

But her intelligence and accomplishments probably helped lead her to a sense of entitlement.....

AND deluded her into thinking she was so smart you would never catch her.