SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

"they aren't objects to be passed around"

This makes me so angry for you because the only reason your children will be shuttled between households is because SHE left her family and household for another man!!!! GRRRRR for you, AAS

Passed around, doesn't she leave them with neighbors and her friends (or is that AbandonDad?).

Passed around, doesn't she leave them with neighbors and her friends (or is that AbandonDad?).

That would be me :-). Our stories (like so many on the site) merge and mirror at many points unfortunately.

And yes, of course the grand irony of all these WW's complaints is: "Uh, none of this would be happening if YOU hadn't committed YOUR actions."

The utter lack of responsibility for the horrible consequences of one's actions still never fails to astound...

Strength, AAS!

Any updates? Hope all is well.

As I pretty much predicted, I find out this morning that she's PREGNANT

She's 38 and Gru is 33. She hates using contraception. It was going to happen.

The boys are happy about the idea of having as sibling but don't know how it may affect the dynamic in the house once it arrives.

I have to say that I'm not as upset as I thought I would be. It further reinforces how fucked up she is.

She's not even divorced yet.

I predict she'll be married before it arrives.

She's classy, my wife (read: sarcasm)

Well.

That also helps explains her headstrong "commitment" to making it work with OM (and demonise/hurt you even more).

Doesn't it?

She probably realises that a baby with OM also drives home the no hope of going back option too.

Keep strong

((allatsea)) .....although that may not be surprising news to you, it's still major league messed up and it's only natural that you are going to feel upset by it. Probably more and more so as the news settles. You're right, it's going to cause massive changes in everyone's lives - including the ones most important to you - your boys.

I completely agree with you that your CSTBXWW has really shown how selfish and mucked up she really is. With your boys already trying to adjust to their new reality her allowing this to happen now is just mind-blowing to me. The boys are going to need the stability and love you have been providing them with more than ever once that baby arrives. They are excited now, and for their sakes, try to bite your tongue and let them be, but the reality is just as you say, the dynamic in that house is going to change big time once the new baby is here - and they are already dealing with massive changes in their young lives as it is. allatsea, just continue to be the parent they depend on for stability and love - it's the best thing you can do for them.

As for CSTBXWW and Gru? Well, in my opinion they are digging themselves into a very big hole. There's going to be no walking away from this easily for either of them now if it all comes crashing down around their ears. If I were Gru's mother I'd be more than a little worried. He's gone from being a single man in his early thirties with no responsibilities to all this in a very short time span. I'd love to know what his parents really think of your ex! I guarantee as a mother myself that what they really think won't be pretty. She's tied him in pretty quickly. He's still in the romantic phase of new love complete with rainbows and butterflies - well reality is heading his way now - he's tied into her for life now - and he so richly deserves it.

As for CSTBXWW well, I think she's shown just how unstable and irresponsible she really is too by letting this happen now. Talk about fast! Just as you say, she's not even divorced yet and if she moves as fast as you've predicted (and you've never been wrong about her so far) then she will have had an affair, left her husband, got divorced, got remarried, and be nearly full term on a pregnancy - all within one year. Oh yes, I think your CSTBXWW richly deserves that 'C' in her title.

Anyway, keep your chin up allatsea, keep your focus on you, your boys and your future. Leave her and Gru to their own.

Groan.

But somehow not surprised. She left all common sense behind and has no way of finding it again.

>>>shaking head<<<

All you can do is make sure you are the example of stability, routine, and calm.

I just woke up and read this. Oh, god, AAS. I am so very sorry. What a bitter pill and what shocking, horrid disregard for your children. I will write more later.

As much strength as you can muster in these dark days, AAS.

How unbelievably selfish of the stupid bitch; couldn't she have waited until the divorce is final? Since you are still married, but separated, I assume that legally the assumption that the child is is yours no longer applies? It would be a real annoying hassle to have to prove via DNA that it wasn't so. Might hold up the divorce.

I agree with sinsof the father that the kids are going to suffer when the baby is born and all the attention shifts to the new arrival. The OM has gone from a single man to a soon to be married guy with three kids; two of them not his own with emotional loyalties to their own father. He has to be as crazy as your wife.

Hey there Allatsea!

I haven't checked in in a while. I was hoping that things would be much better for you by now, but alas, when dealing with a 50 shades of crazy bitch things sometimes just won't go easy.

I think it may be good for you that she's pregnant. It could motivate her to speed up the divorce and stop being so confrontational. As others have stated, Gru, (I love that name for him) is going to go from no commitments to father of three and I think it's going to freak him out. It's no longer free pussy on tap for him. He's going to start to see you wife the way you've been seeing her. CRAZY like a Brittany Spears song. I doubt he wanted this pregnancy and she was probably trying to trap him. I think she's going to learn like so many younger women have learned, a baby won't make him stay. I think your worries here are two-fold: if he dumps her, which I feel is likely, she may try even harder to make your life miserable, since I doubt you could take her back at this point. Or second, if you get a judge that's just stupid and says you're responsible for the child because you're technically still married. I think you should move with all deliberate speed for the divorce. I know you have been but be prepared to make concessions and sacrifices that weren't on the table before. You have to go coyote on this chick. That's a saying in the states we have because just like a coyote will gnaw its own paw off to escape a trap, you have to be ready to do the same. "Run Forrest run!!!" Things are ready to blow now. This pregnancy is a game-changer. One way or another things are going to come to a head...real quick. Be careful, young Jedi. Use the force!

Wow......

The old "get pregnant and trap him" ploy.

Hope it works for her. I'd fully expect this relationship to last MAYBE four years.

Jeez...she's a freeking idiot.

k9

Oh god, AAS. I'm so sorry for everything this bitch has put you through. There's a pretty good chance this guy dumps her ass so protect yourself and be prepared for that. How far along is she saying she is? It's also not a stretch that she's lying and will just happen to miscarriage.

Stay strong...

[This message edited by cliffside at 9:50 AM, October 26th (Saturday)]

AAS,

Again, I am so sorry and furious for you.

Once again, our sagas intersect: my STBXWW became pregnant with POS's child around a year ago, ld me to believe it was mine, aborted and then told me she did it as a sacrifice and love for me. Sick.

Recently my DD told me "Mommy is going to have another baby."

I can't offer anything on the legal aspects that others have posted, and all I can do is reiterate what others are commenting in other respects:

First, to state the obvious: this is final (maybe) proof just how distorted your CSTBXWW is. If ever--EVER--you still wondered if she would come to her senses and return, I am sure these thoughts are now banished. They'd better be.

What this will do to your kids can only be traumatic. 99% of her attention WILL be on this child (if she carries to term). And the kids will quickly experience this and it will do damage. Thank god for your presence. When this child is born, she will be "gone."

And so likely will their relationship, if this gives you any small degree of solace and sense of justice.

All of us with kids know how profoundly life-changing a newborn is. I was thirty six when we had our first, and I can tell you, I was in shock--and not in a good way--for a good two years.

Like Gru, I had led a single life and then within two years I had a baby and wife. This created unbelievable strain on our relationship at the time and I remember, in the throes of sleep deprivation and desperation, seriously contemplating leaving her.

And our union was forged in real love--not in deceit, betrayal, cruely and lies. Gru is in for an incredible shock. They will continue to desperately "bond" through the new child, but it will prove to be a grenade in their relationship.

But to return to your children: they will suffer at least to some degree; this is assured. Please speak with your solicitor ASAP and see if this can merit filing for at least majority custody.

I know you say you are not surprised and not as upset as you thought you would be, but as another poster indicated, you may very well have a delayed reaction, for as "predictable" though this may be, it is still a shocking blow.

Be easy on yourself, and let your anger direct itself to renewed protection of your kids who should not be with their so-called mother. She is out-of-control. This is intolerable and changes the "game," hopefully in your favor. They must be with you, AAS. I hope she has just hung herself.

What a terrible person.

AAS

You predicted she would get knocked up.

I know this hurts but you have to realize just how crazy this whole situation has become.

How did you find out?

And can you use her pregnancy in court to your advantage?

I mean she cheated on you.

She left the marital home.

She is now pregnant by OM while still legally married to you.

Is the UK so far behind the times that thus will not move the Divorce forward as well as have custody split at least 50/50?

And I know this is another punch to the gut but I hope you have gotten the idea in your head that there is no going back or being amicable with this crazy, whack job of a woman.

My prayers to you and the boys.

HM

So far nobody has pointed what is really the ONLY relative issue to her pregnancy:

By law YOU are assumed to be the legal father of any child your wife might carry until your divorce is through AND even possibly for some time after that.

Contact your attorney and see what you should do to make sure your name doesn’t even come close to that birth-certificate!

Thank you all,

Thanks for your thoughtful messages.

It really is fucked up.

Strangely I'm not as jumbled up as I thought I would be. Obviously it's tragic that the woman I loved and worshipped is now pregnant by another man and seeing her in the later stages of pregnancy will tear me up, but at the moment I don't feel too bad.

It sort of reinforces to me that none of the last 8 months really has anything to do with me. All her craziness and apparent motivation regarding her leaving, fighting me over everything, not communicating or negotiating which she said was as a result of our bad relationship and my fathering skills seems to have lost credibility now that she has gone and done this; which has nothing to do with me whatsoever.

To get pregnant so quickly whilst fighting an acrimonious divorce, only three months after moving in together, smacks of entrapment or stupidity or selfishness or lack of consideration for our two little boys - or all of the above.

Gru has gone from being a single man (with a married slut for fun) to a fully baggaged father of three, with huge bills and commitments coming his way in the space of 12 months.

Maybe this can be seen as the equivalent of 'what goes around comes around'. I wouldn't want to start all over again with a new family and all the sleepless nights, pushchairs and bottles.

I'll be talking with my solicitor immediately and seeing how it could possibly help me.

I don't have any concern about being labelled the father. It might have been harder to argue if she got pregnant whilst we lived together but it's a legally documented fact that she left in March and is under a different roof with another man. Her pregnancy explains why she was pushing so hard for the divorce to be expedited back in August. She doesn't want to be married to another man when she drops her illegitimate spawn and I imagine she doesn't want to have my surname anywhere near the birth certificate. Shotgun wedding is predicted in order to lessen the perception of her sluttiness.

I know that her parents will be quite ashamed.

I might procrastinate the divorce in order to get a better financial settlement.

Wednesday will be interesting

[This message edited by allatsea at 4:46 AM, October 28th (Monday)]

Hi AAS,

I am usually a lurker - have sent you and everyone else in JFO silent cyberhugs for months. Your last message prompted me to login and post.

I think it would be BRILLIANT if you could possibly get temporary orders that specify the visitation/custody issues -- but then delay the actual divorce!

bwahahahaha....

((((AAS))))

I don't have any concern about being labelled the father.

That‘s a shame allatsea because legally you ARE labeled the father.

The law is quite clear: Until officially declared otherwise, a man is deemed to be a child’s legal father if he is married to the mother at the time of the child’s birth. This is very clear in UK family law.

This can be countered and based on your history then I think WW will be more than willing to let you off the leash on this one without much hassle. Basically a married woman can name someone other than her husband as the father and if it isn’t countered by that man or the husband then you are off the hook. However… If you don’t counter paternity within a certain time-frame you CAN lose your right to refute paternity.

This can also be to your advantage: I would expect OM and WW to want the paternity to be clear and that the “old” marriage be formally over. Unfortunately (albeit fortunately for you) there is still a social stigma on having a bastard. But based on the past you should definitely avoid basing your future on your ex-wife acting logically.

Allatsea – I really don’t see this as a problem but it definitely is an ISSUE. This is something you should check with your attorney.

[This message edited by Bigger at 5:19 AM, October 28th (Monday)]

I have to say that I am utterly distracted and completely unable to focus on anything other than Wednesday. I haven't done a jot of work today.

I am going to the court on my own but with a barrister. I expect there to be lots of evil glances, shaking of heads and waiting around.

I suppose I'm asking you guys to be on the forum providing me with support and distraction for what I imagine will be a long day from 10am.

I am in no doubt that Gru will be there to protect his his pregnant slut and maybe even her parents. I will need lots of moral support.

Thanks guys