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stilllovinghim ( member #29971) posted at 1:09 PM on Monday, August 29th, 2011
Bumped for Kbstr and anyone else who's lurking or a newbie or just needs a reminder... 
“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor
Just-a-Statistic ( member #31244) posted at 3:55 PM on Monday, August 29th, 2011
Me: 50; Him: 52
DDay 6/1/11; 3 known OWs
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 4:00 PM on Monday, August 29th, 2011
Just-a-Statistic...
It's really not necessary to bump this when it was just bumped less then 3 hours ago.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Painfool ( member #33227) posted at 6:54 PM on Tuesday, August 30th, 2011
Thank you to everyone who has posted here from me too. I will certainly be showing my WS to try and help him gain some understanding of the pain he has caused, as he seems to think just seeing my tears and anger tell him.
Not so at all. I have wanted to die. I have felt (and still do) severe physical pain. My very soul is screaming and there is nothing I can do to change it.
Never would a person believe such pain existed unless they had experienced it themselves, which is one of the reasons I am so glad to have found this site!
Married 11 years, together 14.
1 child, aged 8.
XWS (34)
Me (32)
D-day 11/08/11
Attempted R and ALMOST made it
D April 2015
Almost doesn't count.
bellamaxjoy ( new member #32927) posted at 6:42 PM on Thursday, September 8th, 2011
i was glad I found this, the words were perfect to share with my WH. I hope to God he processes them.
wincings_sparkle ( member #27129) posted at 5:50 PM on Friday, January 13th, 2012
Bumping before lost.
"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light
Hatingit ( member #34523) posted at 7:01 PM on Friday, January 13th, 2012
Wow, that really shows how much the BS hurts. I have just recently started to feel how badly this hurts, and have tried so hard to make it stop, to help everyone through it, to see if maybe there was something I can do, to say, to change, to help him get through it. I have stopped all activities, will not do it again as I have felt the strength of love, and will never betray that again. This, however, has touched me to the core, and will serve as a reminder of all the destruction As leave behind.
Divorce final 1/27/12. In the search for me and my why. No excuses, just work and improvements for me.
BetrayedandLost ( member #15994) posted at 7:54 PM on Friday, January 13th, 2012
And that is exactly how I feel today.
Thank you for bumping....out had been a long time since I read that.
Me:37 WH 38
4 kids 8,6,3& 1
DD1: 8/3/07. 2 Mo online EA
DDay#2 11/1/10 2 Month EA/PA with ho-sistant
DD#3 1/14/11 False R...nc broken
DD#4 1/17/11 admitted continued PA
Trying
BaxtersBFF ( member #26859) posted at 2:24 PM on Sunday, February 5th, 2012
Notadoormat ( member #33925) posted at 11:58 PM on Sunday, February 5th, 2012
[This message edited by Notadoormat at 9:25 AM, March 27th (Wednesday)]
BaxtersBFF ( member #26859) posted at 3:14 AM on Tuesday, March 13th, 2012
broken <3 ( member #35098) posted at 2:40 AM on Wednesday, April 4th, 2012
So completely consumed with bouts of tears as I read this whole thread though. I emailed the link to ws with tears in my eyes. I am in the same boat as many - I have experienced many things in my life - FOO - rape, beatings and emotional scars that may never go away - PTSD- however those things happening to me as hard as they were, and trust me - "hard" is an understatement - now, thinking back - I wasnt blindsided... Not like this and I would go back to those horrible horrible times over this PAIN... this HURT - this complete and utter betrayal from someone I thought was my best friend... It. Just. HURTS! 
[This message edited by broken
Me - BS mother of 2year old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...
Lost333 ( member #35182) posted at 4:17 AM on Wednesday, April 4th, 2012
These letters are so moving...my BH has said so many similiar things to me...as a WS I never knew how much it would hurt to hurt the person that loved you the most.
Me:29,WS/BS Him:27, BS/WS (DontTreadOnMe) His Dday 2/19/12. My Dday 9/29/12
Married: 2 yrs, together 4 1/2
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" Anais Nin
stilllovinghim ( member #29971) posted at 1:57 PM on Friday, April 6th, 2012
“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor
SierraGrace ( member #24259) posted at 3:30 PM on Friday, April 6th, 2012
Sadly, there are those of us who have expressed this, in writing, verbally, emotionally, in too many tears over too many years, but aren't actually EVER heard and will never be heard.
Blessings to those WS's who HEAR this and I mean REALLY HEAR this, and DO whatever it takes to help heal your BS's, yourselves, and your relationships.
But also, Blessings to those of us not so fortunate, because the damage feels permanent and unlike anything else in life.
BSO(me): 60-ish! How did THAT happen? Was only 50-ish when I first joined in 2009!
Mom to rescued fur-kids
Formerly joined due to awful WSO and took a long @ss time to work my way out of that, but finally did January 2022
stilllovingher ( member #29959) posted at 1:23 AM on Saturday, April 14th, 2012
The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.
OktoberMest ( member #34173) posted at 10:17 PM on Monday, April 16th, 2012
My BH shod this to me early in R and It made me sad.
Retrospectively, it was too early for both of us to read and fully grasp.
We discussed it tonight a re read it. It made me cry this time. It is written so calmly and with such sadness , but no malice, anger or aggression.
This IS how my BH feels every day. I know because I feel he says this to me with each look he gives me. not the look when we're just chatting, but the look he has when I know he's thinking about the A. I feel his sadness in these moments.
The bit that really gets me...I am the biggest trigger. I can't change that, but I'd give anything to do so.
[This message edited by OktoberMest at 4:19 PM, April 16th (Monday)]
beautifulmess7 ( member #35259) posted at 11:25 PM on Monday, April 16th, 2012
The words of that letter are so incredibly true. I wish that I had the eloquence to express it all that way. I think I will let my fWH read this because we have just been talking about something similar. It's hard for him to understand sometimes how the hurt can come up to surface seemingly out of nowhere one year post DDay.
Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 7:37 AM on Saturday, July 7th, 2012
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
Brwneyes ( member #34147) posted at 11:47 PM on Saturday, July 7th, 2012
Im so sad all the time. I mourn the second child we'll never have. I wish Id never met him.
Me- BS 34
Him WS 33
Together 15 years Married 12 1 child 3
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