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knightsbff ( member #36853) posted at 7:32 PM on Friday, January 18th, 2013
fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.
I edit often to fix stuff ☺️
Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.
NoTriangles ( member #35985) posted at 3:55 PM on Monday, January 28th, 2013
Me: Finding my SunlightHim: Traitor in my FoxholeLet go or get dragged.
thecaves ( member #38062) posted at 11:50 PM on Monday, January 28th, 2013
Thank you for posting and bumping this. I hadn't read it previously. My BW is in a very sad place today and this does help me to understand why. This describes a hurt that is beyond comprehension of anyone who is not actually feeling it.
My BW is strong, stronger than she knows. I can only hope and pray that her strength, combined with mine will help her to cope with the pain. I see how difficult this is when I "AM" the biggest trigger.
Me: WH
Her: BW
Kids: Yes
Married: 20+
D-Day: 12/2012
What defines us is how well we rise after falling.
NoTriangles ( member #35985) posted at 1:22 AM on Tuesday, January 29th, 2013
Way to go, caves.
You are on a good road. Stay the course.
Me: Finding my SunlightHim: Traitor in my FoxholeLet go or get dragged.
SandAway ( member #37775) posted at 8:51 PM on Wednesday, February 20th, 2013
Another Bump 
fWW
BH Tred
M 19yrs
DDay Nov. 2011
Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people
BaxtersBFF ( member #26859) posted at 2:24 PM on Sunday, April 7th, 2013
Bump
noprincess ( member #38660) posted at 10:55 AM on Friday, April 12th, 2013
Bump!
Thanks to everyone who contributed on this tread.
"Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill
callmecrazy ( member #38765) posted at 8:29 PM on Friday, April 12th, 2013
Good words. Its so true. And I agree with some of the others, what takes place after the infidelity is uncovered can hurt so much more than the infidelity.
Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 1:48 AM on Monday, May 20th, 2013
Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again
Staying together for the kids
D-day 2010
callmecrazy ( member #38765) posted at 8:14 PM on Monday, May 20th, 2013
No matter how perfectly handled it is, how remorseful you are, every BS must grieve the death of what they thought they had. So the best way I can explain it is the death of your spouse. If there are more lies and TT...its amplified into multiple deaths. Thats been the best way I've heard it described that I think everyone can sort of understand.
SandAway ( member #37775) posted at 1:35 PM on Thursday, July 4th, 2013
fWW
BH Tred
M 19yrs
DDay Nov. 2011
Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people
feelscrazy ( new member #39705) posted at 2:22 PM on Thursday, July 4th, 2013
Why am I not able to send a PM to strong and womanly?
harrypotter ( member #39526) posted at 7:56 PM on Friday, July 5th, 2013
This letter really explains what I see on my wife's face everyday. This is the one thing out of all of this that I think I understand, I no longer get mad when she lashes out at me, threatens me etc. Instead of being mad, it makes me sad, sad that I did this to her and cause the pain that makes her this way now. I wish I would have known how much pain my affair would bring, I thought I did but ultimately I wasn't even close! If you love your spouse, forgive all the madness, anger etc that you have caused. Try not to respond with anger even though your heart is being tore apart with their words you did this and I have noticed that my forgiving of everything negative that my spouse does ( my doing btw) helps me to forgive myself!
I know not everyone is a Christian, and the following I am sure most of you know is from the Bible but it helps me and this description of love may help you help yourself and your spouse. In the way they need you too right now.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
WS-Me
BS-Her (Lostinthismess)
FightingBack ( member #34770) posted at 3:04 PM on Saturday, July 6th, 2013
Is this a reality I see?
This picture, this vision, this hope?
Is this an understanding, a knowledge, an acceptance
of truth?
Or is it just another illusion?
I knew my life before, then I saw that it was a dream.
Do I dream still?
Will I awaken again to a new reality?
How do I trust what I think I know?
When I see the fragility of love and the folly of faith?
But I was on a different path and I couldn't see any other.
When I awoke I saw that I had been travelling alone.
I looked and you were gone.
You took a different path a long time ago.
But I kept moving on and I didn't stop to see if you were still with me.
You spoke to me but you weren't beside me.
The noises around me deafened me and I didn't hear your silence.
You walked your path with someone else.
I walked mine with only your shadow.
And I walked with my eyes closed, in my dream.
You gave me a blindfold so that I could not see my life
and While I stumbled, she smiled.
And you didn't take my hand to make sure I would not fall.
I fell and awoke from my dream, uncertain.
My past is altered, my memory blurred.
What path am I on now?
I see you now and I hear you again
Now you offer your hand.
But I don't know if we live in the same dream.
Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!
stilllovinghim ( member #29971) posted at 6:53 PM on Tuesday, July 16th, 2013
Bumped for Whatnow999
[This message edited by stilllovinghim at 12:54 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)]
“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor
Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 8:16 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 5:41 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2013
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
catatonic ( member #40758) posted at 6:43 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2013
Thank you for finding this post and bumping it.
So much pain after the discovery.
Neznayou ( member #40654) posted at 5:08 PM on Friday, November 15th, 2013
I found this because someone else bumped it (thanks). Is there a way for us to bookmark posts that we want to be able to come back to, but don't really feel it necessary to comment on?
Him: BH 1969
Me: WW 1973
Wedding: April 9, 1994
Son: 1998 (college freshman)
Son: 2002 (high school freshman)
Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012
I do not have it all together.
Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 5:28 PM on Friday, November 15th, 2013
You can bookmark it, however if for some reason it fell off the forum, it could be gone forever. We've already lost one epic thread that way. 
I copy and paste the actual posts and keep them in my email files. That way I have them forever.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
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