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WW says size matters...

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Laura28 ( member #28997) posted at 8:59 AM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

Hi honey

Be very careful here. Just because she's using a pleasant tone of voice doesn't mean she's not dangerous. It's just more manipulation on her part.

Sorry love but the woman is a bitch.

Size does not matter!!! It's what you do with it that counts.

Size does not matter!!! It's what you do with it that counts.

Size does not matter!!! It's what you do with it that counts.

Size does not matter!!! It's what you do with it that counts.

Size does not matter!!! It's what you do with it that counts.

Size does not matter!!! It's what you do with it that counts.

Size does not matter!!! It's what you do with it that counts.

Size does not matter!!! It's what you do with it that counts.

Size does not matter!!! It's what you do with it that counts.

So how would she feel if you told her she had floppy tits that reminded you of two eggs hanging on a nail?

YES!!!!

Sorry honey but I hate this crap. Infidelity is bad enough but this kind of cruelty is just too much.

If my FWH told me my boobs were too small I'd tell him to F>>>K off and find some bigger ones!!!

A person is more than their bodies. If her world revolves around physical appearance or size then she is shallow and stupid.

I don't mean to hurt you saying this I just think you can do better. There's a whole world of caring women out there who don't give a shit about the size of your dick.

Go find someone who will appreciate you for who you ARE!!!!!!!

HUGS

Laura

Married 42yrs Me BW 68Yrs Him F?WH 70yrs OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted. Dday May 28 2010. OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years). OW2 2002(8yrs PA). OW3 2009(1Yr PA). Others?? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck 'em"

posts: 2791   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2010   ·   location: Australia
id 5512294
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stronger08 ( member #16953) posted at 10:15 AM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

Joe, You do realize what your wife is doing here dont you ? She is manipulating the situation away from her infidelity to your manhood. She is planting the seed of doubt to take your mind off the matter at hand. Its a form of blameshifting pure and simple. And she is so underhanded she is going after your manhood. OK so she likes big penises. Tell her to go find one that will take care of her and support her like you have done. She is a master at the mind fuck. Let her have her large penises. Let her see what life with Mr big dick is really like. You have allowed your size to be used as a weapon by her. Hey look ask any guy and he most likely wants a bigger penis. But we have what we have. And her using that is just low. If she is capable of using this as an excuse to cheat then she is a woman of no limits and no morals. Get the fuck away from this woman. And just so you know. What you lack in the hips. You make up for in the lips.

Proper love making does not have to do with penis size. You have hands and a mouth. Use them. Prolonged foreplay and different positions can satisfy a woman quite nicely no matter your penis size. Ask any woman and Im sure they would prefer a man who takes his time to satisfy her to any asshole hung like a horse just pounding away.

Oh and BTW all those big penises will do is stretch the shit out of your WW and she will get so large she wont be able to satisfy most men.

You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

posts: 6851   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2007
id 5512307
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neverendinghurt ( member #15859) posted at 10:44 AM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

Size matters to some women not to others.

It is about personal prefernce.

Just like some men prefer big boobs.

Does having a bigger penis make a man a better lover, no, it doesn't. Great sex involves so much more than penetration.

The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.
James M. Barrie

posts: 26070   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Seattle
id 5512313
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SweetheartVixen ( member #4956) posted at 11:01 AM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

And I doubt I could ever be intimate with any woman ever again in my life.

NO. SHE is the only woman who made stupid, insensitve cruel remarks. So perhaps you meant to say ANY woman except her!

Do you know how many woman are looking for wonderul, tender, caring loving man like you?

Its the feelings of love which come through a deep connection and intimacy that is the biggest turnon for a woman. And that develops NOT between the legs but between the ears!

You are a very special man.

BS/60s WS/60s Divorcing and not soon enough~!
Its nice to be important, but its more important to be nice...

DD 6-14

posts: 3191   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2004   ·   location: somewhere over the rainbow
id 5512318
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Laura28 ( member #28997) posted at 11:15 AM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

Hi honey

Tell her to go find one that will take care of her and support her like you have done. She is a master at the mind fuck.

Yes

Do you know how many woman are looking for wonderul, tender, caring loving man like you?

Yes

Its the feelings of love which come through a deep connection and intimacy that is the biggest turnon for a woman.

Yes

She doesn't know what she is risking losing. It is almost sad. One day she will wake up and the realisation of what she lost will be devastating. So many women on here would give ten years of their lives for a faithful loving husband. Go find one honey. Leave this shallow person behind.

HUGS

Laura

Married 42yrs Me BW 68Yrs Him F?WH 70yrs OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted. Dday May 28 2010. OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years). OW2 2002(8yrs PA). OW3 2009(1Yr PA). Others?? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck 'em"

posts: 2791   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2010   ·   location: Australia
id 5512320
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movingfast ( member #32306) posted at 11:36 AM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

My White is large...porn star large. Funny thing, he never believed me when I told him so. Sex took a lot of warming up and could be uncomfortable at times. WH blamed this on me because I would try to "hold him back". Once WH started "breaking" and living his life to impress others, he started really looking at the guys in all the Internet porn he was into and started to realize just how big he was. That's when he started in on the porn "friend" sites and realized he could impress others with us size. This led to finding a partner who was impressed (I was impressed but apparently not big enough to handle it all comfortably) whch led to OW. I heard about how OW could take it rough and as deep as he wanted to go.

For a long time I blamed myself for not enjoying sex more. It's only been very recently that I've begun to see what everyone here is saying...size is great in theory, but if not used correctly it's a waste. I'd rather be with someone who wanted me to enjoy sex along get with them than someone who was to to prove he was porn-worthy.

A bigger hammer isn't always needed, sometimes using finesse with a smaller tool is exactly what's required. Or, mre simply put, it's not you, it's her.

Me BW: 46
Him WH: 48
DD: 5-20-11
M: 14 yrs. Together 15 yrs.
Children: (4) ages 14 and younger.
Divorced: 5/24/13
**my apologies for the typos... I login off my tablet and the "smart" type isn't always so smart.

posts: 266   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2011   ·   location: movingfast
id 5512329
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 11:38 AM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

OK, Joe,

Me, too. That's the reason I'm glad my W had an A with a woman - she can't compare me with a man who I fear would be bigger than me - because, apparently like most men, I wish I were bigger....

A number of sexually adept women - all of whom are either BSes or remorseful WSes (i.e. good people, I think) - have all said they think 'manhood' is much different from penis size. (Thanks, all, BTW.) Your wife doesn't see that. The problem, therefore, is not you or your size or your stars. The problem is your W.

It could be she's held back on 'honesty' thse many months (I mean years) because she told herself she didn't want to tell you this. If that's the case, I think you may have hit a line of defense that is essentially blame-shifting, with an argument that goes like this: as a modern women, she's entitled to sexual satisfaction, which you can't possibly provide, so you're the reason she cheated. Umm...that's bullsh!t!

Look at the responses you're getting: there's no sympathy for you because of your penis size. Instead, everybody says that you deserve lots and lots more and better than your W is giving you. When there's so much agreement you've got to listen.

Just for the record, did your W follow up her stement with reasons why she loves sex with you? If she didn't, you're probably better off pulling the plug on this M and looking for someone to love and who will love you.

And if you're afraid to show yourself to a woman now, start reading about the Tantra.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 31095   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 5512333
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NaiveAgain ( member #20849) posted at 11:48 AM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

Think of it this way. She waits years and years to be honest with you, and the first honest thing out of her mouth is about your penis size? Really? Why wasn't the first honest thing out of her mouth something like

"OMG, I am so sorry I hurt you"

or

"Wow, I've behaved really badly here"

or

"You've been a good husband, I was at fault here"

The first honest thing you got from her was negative, and something you cannot possibly change. Don't you dare appreciate her honesty, because she is not being honest. She is using the word "honesty" to inflict cruel deep wounds on you.

There is one part here that is more about you than it is about her. It is the part where your self esteem is so shot that you actually believe her nonsense. That is the part you need to look at.

Also, I spoke earlier of a man I was with who was pretty tiny, but a great lover. He would say things like "I know I'm not real huge" I was honest with him. I would say back "You are perfect for me" and "OMG, you really get me going!"

That was honesty.

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

posts: 16236   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2008   ·   location: Ohio
id 5512334
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Cee64D ( member #21836) posted at 11:56 AM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

I didn't read through all the replies, Joe, but I'm in the "ditch her" camp on this one.

You'll hear a lot of folks say size doesn't matter and for them it doesn't, but apparently it does for your WW. I feel the same about that as I do about guys who measure a woman's attractiveness by her bra size. It's the same immature, mentality. Frankly, you can do better.

If you are anything like me, you try to be a generous lover. Lots of for play, attentive to her needs, etc. Guys like us do this not to make up for shortfalls in other areas, but because we really enjoy pleasing our ladies and would like them to enjoy pleasing us. I'm guessing that your WW is not the giving kind when it comes to love making. People who hold such immature views on sex rarely are.

I know this is a blow to your ego, but it shouldn't be. There's not a damned thing you can do about your genetics, so there's no sense in worrying about something beyond your control. Since you can't meet her "standards" I think it's time you moved on to someone with better standards of what love-making is. Just my two cents on't

C=64

The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

posts: 2740   ·   registered: Nov. 30th, 2008   ·   location: Ohio
id 5512340
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SusanR ( member #29368) posted at 12:15 PM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

Apparently, your size was okay with her at one time.

It is absolutely unconscionable that she would use that excuse for her behavior.

If my husband suggested that he preferred larger breasts or blue eyes or that he wanted a younger model, I would drop him like a hot potato.

She is the one that is broken. I'm certain you can have a good sex life with a good woman.

posts: 1970   ·   registered: Aug. 19th, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 5512347
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 joeboo (original poster member #31089) posted at 12:52 PM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

If you are anything like me, you try to be a generous lover. Lots of for play, attentive to her needs, etc. Guys like us do this not to make up for shortfalls in other areas, but because we really enjoy pleasing our ladies and would like them to enjoy pleasing us. I'm guessing that your WW is not the giving kind when it comes to love making. People who hold such immature views on sex rarely are.

Cee, were those your footprints in the snow by my bedroom window?

Just kidding.

What a remarkable insight. I never tried to compensate. ***tmi***>>> I wanted her to O. For me, causing the O was the touchdown, the penetration was just the point after. Honestly, seeing her O was almost as pleasuarable as having my own. I enjoyed that with her. I gave much more than WW in bed for 20 some odd years. So, when she wanted to step up her game since d-day, it caught me as odd.

posts: 1302   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2011
id 5512366
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isthisforreal ( member #30926) posted at 2:17 PM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

I wanted her to O. For me, causing the O was the touchdown, the penetration was just the point after. Honestly, seeing her O was almost as pleasuarable as having my own

And that's what good loving is all about. You are a very generous and thoughtful husband/lover.

In my opinion, 99.9% of women don't obsess over the size of a man's penis, that's what men do. Believe me, when women get together and "chat", penis size isn't the topic of conversation. Being a kind, caring, thoughtful,generous lover is what women prefer. Unfortunately, you stumbled on to that .01% who is off her rocker .

TMI?, my hubby is of modest/average size, but boy oh boy does he know how to play my body like a skilled instrument. He is like you, has said his goal is for me to have a toe curling O.

You are a good man, believe it!

BW me 47
WH him 52
married 24 years
DD 9/15/10
3 incredible teenage daughters
"it only hurts when I breathe"

posts: 268   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2011
id 5512451
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Cee64D ( member #21836) posted at 5:24 PM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

I wanted her to O. For me, causing the O was the touchdown,

My feelings exactly. I like to watch'em squirm as it rolls through them like a wave. It's all about the squirmage...

ETA Pic related

[This message edited by Cee64D at 11:26 AM, November 1st (Tuesday)]

The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

posts: 2740   ·   registered: Nov. 30th, 2008   ·   location: Ohio
id 5512814
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solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 6:56 PM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

Joe, she's unremorseful and non-empathetic, and rather than address the horrendous pain she's caused you, has chosen to add more.

As for the size issue, she's full of shit. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't.

Okay, maybe severe micropenis would represent a problem for some---but honestly, a skillful and caring lover with micropenis would likely have very satisfied partners.

Size does not matter.

What DOES matter is cruelty. Betrayal. You know, the stuff your wife is dishing out.

What are you deriving from your marriage to her? What good is there in it, for you? Why do you believe this is the level of love and commitment you deserve?

BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams

posts: 15630   ·   registered: Jan. 26th, 2011   ·   location: midwest
id 5513011
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Laura28 ( member #28997) posted at 7:35 AM on Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

Hi again

This maybe TMI for some so if so stop here.

My FWH is not circumcised. He has often commented on it throughout our marriage. Me I couldn't care less.

After dday he commented a number of times on the fact that his penis small and had a bend in it. He had never said this before. My response: What are you talking about? I had never noticed. Not in 28 yrs of marriage. I finally realised where this was coming from and eventually screwed up the courage to ask him. He told me that OW3 had commented that he was small and bent!!!!

After being with him for only a year! I had never noticed in 28 yrs of marriage. (She must have inspected it closely ) perhaps she has different priorities than me????

Anyway. I don't give a shit.

So he is a little on the small side, uncircumcised (most of his generation are circumcised) and he even has a bend in it!!!!

Who cares?!!!!!!!!!!! I certainly don't. Never did!!! Never noticed!!!

Joe

This awful woman is trying to change the subject!!!!

How dare she!!!!! I am about to go into a full blown rage on your behalf. I cannot believe the hide of her!!!! Again:

HOW DARE SHE!!!!

HUGS

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 1:43 AM, November 2nd (Wednesday)]

Married 42yrs Me BW 68Yrs Him F?WH 70yrs OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted. Dday May 28 2010. OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years). OW2 2002(8yrs PA). OW3 2009(1Yr PA). Others?? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck 'em"

posts: 2791   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2010   ·   location: Australia
id 5514144
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Ellejay ( member #30498) posted at 8:15 AM on Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

joeboo:

Tell this blameshifting cow that you've heard they can also provide silicone implants for the brain so maybe she should look into it.

How low can you get (no pun intended). Stop allowing this walking measuring tape to lower your self-esteem any longer.

Size only matters if you've got nothing else going on.

Hugs to you

Ellejay

Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

posts: 1102   ·   registered: Dec. 23rd, 2010   ·   location: Adelaide, South Australia
id 5514154
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gma56 ( member #19595) posted at 8:35 AM on Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

I don't know how old your WW is but I can tell her if she isn't satisfied then it's because of her lack of communication with you ( telling you what she needs and turns her on) not size of your penis. It's a reflection on her.

Maybe size is important to her but most women want creativity and passion from a husband or lover. There is so much more than just the intercourse part of sex. Anyone that doesn't understand, isn't a good lover themselves. She sounds like a person that may never be satisfied longterm with any man bacause what is important to sustain a long term relationship isn't in her.

My STBXFT just about killed my sexuality because of his insecurities, NPD, and now I'm realizing I'm not dead after all. Believe me the right person makes all the difference in how you view yourself sexually. Yup, I'm still carrying baggage from my younger years and it was amplified with the infidelity but I will not let him take anymore from me.

A woman in love won't pull you down to justifiy her own guilt.

Yes Joe we do deserve better than what our spouses gave us and there are wonderful loving people that do deserve us.

Hugs

I know exactly the kick in the gut feeling her comments did to you.

gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 2:36 AM, November 2nd (Wednesday)]

BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

posts: 20502   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2008   ·   location: Closer to where I want to be..
id 5514158
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ThisIsUnreal ( member #33375) posted at 8:35 AM on Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

Okay, I'm a man and have no idea about what average or where I fit. My partners have said they have had bigger and smaller. It seems cruel and mean the way your wife is putting it. It's like breast size or hips size.

As far as I can tell, woman all have different variations of vagina's so even though I know I am smaller than my wife's previous partner, my size/shape hit's her spots better. She wasn't particularly fond of getting hit in the cervix and it was uncomfortable if too long. also, depending on lots of things, whether I felt tight or loose would vary considerably.

The reality is that all the parts are connected to brain. reading a steamy novel can be a turn on even to orgasm for some women so one dimensional analysis of "size" is a pretty shallow estimation. Any woman can go out and buy a toy bigger than anyone she will meet and pound it harder than any guy can do it. Seems a pretty shallow analysis of making that the focal point of how satisfied she is with you as a lover.

As an aside, I often notice that when I buy underwear that over the years it gets looser and looser. I'd like to blame it on my shrinking stomach but the reality is that once tight underwear is wearing through do to use and needs to be thrown out. you could always tell her maybe her overused vagina was too loose and worn out and that was the real problem.

[This message edited by ThisIsUnreal at 3:59 AM, November 2nd (Wednesday)]

Me: BH 46
Her: STBXWW 36 - affair in 2008, 2011
Married 5 years, 2 boys.
DDay: 1/3/2009
Big TT: 7/17/2009
Next DDay: 5/8/2011
Divorcing

posts: 82   ·   registered: Sep. 15th, 2011   ·   location: Phoenix
id 5514159
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whoknows ( member #12597) posted at 4:54 PM on Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

I think that size matters in different ways to differernt woman. Some like large, some like smaller and some like average.

In reading your post and all the other responses your wife is being inconsiderate of how her comments make you feel. The question is: is this truely how she feels? You can be upset with her on how she came across in her answers to you but if she prefers larger men, then that's what she prefers. What I think you need to decide is if you want to be with someone who can't seem to consider your feelings or how her words/actions affect you. What she may need to decide is if she wants to stay in a marriage where she feels the sex life is lacking. This is NOT to excuse her adulterous behavior whatsoever!

In my case, my husband of 19 years is what I'd consider on the small side. Though he is the ONLY man I've ever been with, from what I have read here and other placesm he is smaller that the "average size". After all these years I'll honestly say that I'd prefer a bigger penis. Would I say this to my husband? No! Because I know this would upset him and would accomplish nothing.

I think you also made a comment on a statement your wife said about not wanting to get all hot and bother because it wouldn't end well (in her opinion). This is something I've been dealing with myself. The past three years my husband and I haven't had intercourse but for about a handful of times as because he sometimes cannot get or maintain an erection due to health issues. It got very frustrating for me to get all "hot and bothered' and then not be able to do anything about it. Yes, we have the toys and there are other things a couple can do (and we have done) but even those things get old after time. I want the one one one good old fashioned you-know-what! He cannot do that for me now. So, it's just easier for me if we don't do anything at all. Unfortunately for us, he cannot bring himself to admit he has a problem nor will he bring it up to his doctor and I cannot force him to do so. This is our life now. I have accepted that. My decision is to live in a loving but sexless marriage. And yes, it can be done. I could easily find another sex partner but I choose not to.

This topic is such a touchy one. I can understand your wifes thoughts but I do not condone how she expressed them to you. Her desires or wants do not excuse adultery.

What goes around comes around...

posts: 131   ·   registered: Nov. 8th, 2006
id 5514568
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andyd1950 ( member #20018) posted at 5:02 PM on Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

The way I hear it, "it's not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean".

I always ejoyed satisfying my WW. She never felt the same way. Over six years I heard the four words no man ever wants to hear, "are you done yet?". Yeah honey, "I'm done".

BS (me) - 61
fWW (her)- 57
Married 39 years March 17,2012

Forgiving, that's easy.
Trusting again, that's hard.
Forgetting, impossible!

"When you take things for granted, the things you are granted get taken away."~ RevRun.

posts: 1190   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2008   ·   location: Albany, NY
id 5514594
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