SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I really don't know how to write this, but penis size, breast size, good in bed, does not matter. Sex is an extension of love. Lust is nothing but a notch on the bedpost.

I can't help to think if your wife lost a breast to cancer or some accident, would these 'well hung' men be there? Would they be standing next to her bed in the hospital before surgery? Would the size of their or your penis matter then?

It is a sick world when all that matters is the size of this or that. Not to get too political, but advertisers, the mags, Jerry Springer, convey this message. Eventually, what does matter is what I saw in the mall the other day. An old couple, they must have been in their 80s, holding hands, walking together, loving the other was there. I am sure they will die like that. That is what matters.

Your wife will never feel what that old couple feels when her hot flashes start, because by that time, the 'well hung' will have moved on (even deflated themselves). She has invested her thoughts into that mentality. And just like any investment, whether school, jobs, family, stocks, whatever, what you put in is what you get out. It sounds like she does not care about you. Honestly, I really wonder if it will ever change, pending a disease or some life threatening event. I wish I had the right words.

You're an interesting species. An interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other. - Contact

[This message edited by Linus1968 at 11:51 AM, October 31st (Monday)]

I agree with others that her honesty tends to be on the cruel side, no question. But in the end this IS what she believes to be true, whether she is in the "fog" or not, she is telling you this as her truth.

I would ask you if you want to be with someone who has said that you are not "good enough"?

I have seen you struggle with all of this, what you are going thru with all of your ups and downs are normal, but I will tell you that you need to set a line in the sand and stick to it. For your own self worth. Do not let someone define who or what you are, if you are hanging onto someone who says you are less then, you will always be in that spot. JMO.

True, it does not matter what size you are to your WW.

If you "suddenly got bigger" she would probably still complain. Why you ask, because there is always someone with a bigger crank out there.

I have dated a girl who thought guys with big dicks all cheated. She dated several guys with giant cranks, the kind that make any guy cry, and they both cheated on her. Maybe your wife is very insecure and picked you because she thought she wouldn't lose you.

Twisted way of thinking but not unheard of.

I recommend MC if you want to reconcile and IC for you.

However, if she doesn't play nice in the sandbox pack your bucket and shovel and move on to the next playground.

Thanks for all the replies. I have some work to do on me and my own self esteem. But I am glad I posted if for no other reason than to feel like I am a little more "normal" than what I give myself credit for. She is my only, so I really have nothing to compare it to.

In all fairness to my wife, I did ask. But, with all the unsolicited comments she made it left me to wonder. She told me I was ok. I know that I have served her the same salad that Meg Ryan had in Sleepless in Seattle almost every time. I tried to be a good lover. She also said that she notices that I take care of her needs first.

Its almost like another d-day, so I need to gather my thoughts. I just don't know how to get past this in my M. I am not even sure if I want to.

Joeboo.... I sort of don't know what to say.

I think this is your wife's issue. Not yours. Stop looking inward on this one. I think this is a sign of her continued brokenness.

I'm horrified she could say these things to a man she loved and held dear to her heart. I can be a harsh person, but I would never say something like that to my spouse. I would not even think them.

Joe,

If your wife was a man saying those things about a woman, she'd be called a Pig. Rightly so.

Having said that, maybe her hoohoo is so enlarged and floppy that unless you are a monster...just sayin.

This sounds like a way to control / hurt you. She must feel so inadequate that stomping on your self esteem helps?

I'm sorry Joe, I'm not being very objective here. Just know that no all women start to salivate and pant over the sight or thought of what kind of package you have.

Oh that wife of yours is just a very hateful person :(.. how could she ever say this to you? I am just so sorry. Size does not matter.. for a woman most of it is about her clit anyway :).. Your wife is just horrible..

JooBoo,

Size does not matter one bit. I have had large , average, and small. It is how the man makes love not the size of the equipment. Your wife has no right to say something so untrue and mean to you.

TMI coming right back at you. I have found that very large men inhibit the contractions of O and ends up frustrating when not able to outright blow the roof off of the thing so to speak.

Where that bitch (sorry) is concerned ya might want to throw it right back at her with comparisons to the Lincoln Tunnel!!

errrm yes or as one comedian says, when she said "ooo that's a small organ" he said "well it's never had to play in a cathedral before"

My two cents? She's angry at herself, but trying to blame you in an angry way. These kinds of comments

rank as hostile, JMHO. That being said, please don't allow yourself to be compared in a negative light to a cheater. JMO, but you're better than OM by virtue that you're the loyal spouse. What about the virtues of making love with your spouse vs.

having sex with other people outside the marriage??? Instead of asking her if OM can handle the girls in a car, ask her if OM would stand by her in sickness, as you probably would. Ask her if OM would love, honor, cherish, and be faithful to her forever? I doubt it!!

My two cents? She's angry at herself, but trying to blame you in an angry way. These kinds of comments

rank as hostile, JMHO. That being said, please don't allow yourself to be compared in a negative light to a cheater. JMO, but you're better than OM by virtue that you're the loyal spouse. What about the virtues of making love with your spouse vs.

having sex with other people outside the marriage??? Instead of asking her if OM can handle the girls in a car, ask her if OM would stand by her in sickness, as you probably would. Ask her if OM would love, honor, cherish, and be faithful to her forever? I doubt it!!

Another female response here. First of all, size wise you are quite normal and have nothin to worry about. Second of all, it is about QUALITY not QUANTITY. Third, your wife is just being cruel and petty. This is a reflection on her, not on you.

Oh man... I uh... wow. I am seldom speechless, but of all the threads on here, this one about made me want to throw my laptop against the wall.

What a thoughtless, wicked harpie. She doesn't sound all that interested in reconciling if you ask me.

Once she told me she didn’t want to fool around because I would just get her hot and bothered and not be able to do anything about it.

Was this in relationship to the two of you not having sex or some other context?

Another time as I did a second glance at a carload of girls in a convertible as we drove through an intersection, she told me not to bother looking because I couldn’t handle them anyway.

You know, I could see saying something like this to my husband if he was ogling a car load of women in front of me. The hypocrisy of her infidelity, however, is over the top.

I am only about 5” long and about an inch and three quarters around.

Well, yeah, this is a little TMI. However, sounds like you're in the average/above average category.

I know that measuring it was pathetic but my world is crashing around me and I needed to know for sure.

Can you show me one man that hasn't measured his junk at some point in his life?

I have also learned that I am on the short end of average.

Wait... what? Not even. Here, a lengthy discussion on penis size:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_penis_size

As you can see, there is a lot of variety and a lot of 'normal.' You are well within normal.

So she confirmed that bigger feels better and she actually prefers bigger than me. She confirmed that she had more fun in bed with them. Just so I would know how she see’s me, I asked her if she thought I could handle a carload of women, and she said no. So, I asked her if her OM could and she said yes. She has also preferred more rough and aggressive men than me. So I am not her preference, I just barely meet the minimum requirements.

Well, there is a small number of women that really do want a man with a huge penis. Not many, but a few. Perhaps your wife is one of those women. HOwever, what she said and did was cruel. Downright cruel.

my WW knew this BEFORE she married me. Why the hell did she marry me if I wasn’t good enough. And, how in the hell am I ever going to be intimate with her ever again?

Because her A wasn't about you. It wasn't about your penis. It wasn't about your prowess in bed. It was about her.

But this is embarrassing and very humiliating for me.

I can understand why, even though the real issue is that your wife is cruel.

Am I wrong in thinking this could be a deal breaker?

No

I am astonished at the cruelty of your WW's comments. It literally makes my stomach hurt.

As a male BS, I know first hand the insecurity that comes in your woman straying. My GF and I have had sex talks...and fortunately, we seem to be on the same page in the bedroom department...though, getting her in the bedroom itself is another issue all together...we have a "getting her in the mood" problem, not a sex itself problem.

That said, if our conversation had gone like yours did, that would be all I'd need to hear to kick her ass out. Period. It's not the "facts" that bother me. It's her insane callousness. That is by far some of the most intentionally hurtful garbage I have ever read. A serious discussion about sex is an okay one. But a careless one like yours?...

Dealbreaker? Absolutely.

(((hugs))) I am sorry, that is an extremely insensitive thing to say to someone. I believe she says these types of things to shred your self-confidence in order to control you. If she makes you feel like a failure, she does not need to worry about you leaving her or finding someone who will treat you better. She is thinking you will feel you are stuck with her and count your lucky stars because at least she will put up with you, but of course you cannot blame her to look elsewhere....

That is all BS. She is detracting your attention away from what she has done. She is placing the blame on you. And she is being verbally and emotionally abusive. If a man told me my boobs weren't big enough, I would give him his coat and kick his a$$ out the door.

As far as your self esteem, hearing that type of thing over and over is going to do a number to anyone. Even if you asked her, she could have been so much more sensitive with her answer.

Because the truth is, for most women, size does NOT matter. It does for a small few, but for most, it is more how it is used. My XSO was huge, and he hurt. I had to be very careful with him, because the wrong position and he would bruise my organs and that does not make for pleasurable sex. I have been with one guy that was tiny, and he brought me to O every single time.

It has a lot more to do with the time and interest your partner puts into pleasing you and trying to make you happy.

Joeboo-

I am so, so sorry. I hope you will NOT judge all women by your freakin' assed wife. (sorry I am seeing red right now!!)

HOW DARE SHE!!!!!

I have read some of your threads and it seems to me that you need to kick her ass to the curb. The venom she is spewing is unforgivable. IMO.

NO ONE should EVER be that cruel.

Maybe she just wants to push you to the brink so that she thinks she can hold her head up high when she's tossed out. IDK.

I DO know that you deserve SOOOOO much better.

I am just so sorry for her words.

Hugs to you.

Sorry, but the only reason a woman would say such a thing is to metaphorically kick the guy in the nuts - no other reason. So WHY do you want to stay in a marriage with a woman who is willing to try her hardest to do damage to your pride, sense of self and masculinity?

Look - a lot of WS go on the offensive and say just the craziest and most hurtful shit to the BS when they're trying to change the argument from the WS as the bad guy to the BS somehow "forcing" them to have an A. Some say "i've never loved you" or they say they only married the BS out of pity, WHs who are fathers of 4 say they never wanted kids and the BS forced them into it, some criticize their spouse's weight, or boobs or looks or in your case penis. Clearly your WW knew this was a button that could be pushed with you and she gleefully pushed it.

I think the only thing you can take away from this is that she's willing to destroy your self esteem to make herself feel a little better in the moment. What kind of person does that? Think about it, seriously.

Picture someone (not your WW) whom you love dearly. Now picture someone saying the things your WW said to you to this loved one. What advice would you give them?

From your profile your WW has been a serial cheater in all her marriages and cheating on you from the get go. It doesn't look good man. I'm sorry.

You are man enough...she just isn't woman enough.

Totally agree..I'm sorry Joeboo, but she is totally projecting her own insecurities onto you. And as a women, I can certainly tell you that I would gladly take a 5" penis that is attached to a self-less, caring man who makes sure to please me than a 8" penis attached to a macho, selfish lover!

My H is not the most well-endowed, pretty average I'd say, but our sex is the BEST I've ever had, and **TMI alert** the only man I have ever climaxed with during intercourse. It has nothing to do with size, it has to do with the love and caring and effort he puts into our love-making.

She is being mean and cruel and doing nothing to assure you that you are who she wants. As someone said earlier, why do want R with this women?? You deserve

better!!!!! ((hug))