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I'm sorry that you're in this situation Sami but I have to laugh at your H proclaiming himself to be an "alpha" male.

An alpha male is a leader and a stand up guy.

An alpha male defends and takes care of his mate and his family.

An alpha male is courageous.

An alpha male is humble.

An alpha male knows how to treat a woman.

An alpha male is a man of value.

An alpha male doesn't have to TRY (nor proclaim) he's an alpha male.

This H of yours exhibits NONE of these traits.

I agree with Chamomile Tea that you could start a GoFundMe page (and by just stating what your H is trying to pull on you and your family) that you would make a killing $$$$$$.

@ChamomileTea

Unfortunately there are plenty of 20+yr olds that want older men.

All my fWH EAs and PA were with 23-25 year olds and they all have daddy issues. They tend to be single and have very low self esteem and also think they have a chance to be the next wife. I actually detest these young women because they have the pick of the litter being young and can date single guys. When my fWH asked his PA why she wasn’t dating guys her own age... she answered that they were immature but they said they usually don’t like her. She’s super fugly... short, bad hair, no figure and completely unremarkable. I asked my fWH what attracted him to her.. he said she was fugly it would be easy to dump her and she praised him constantly... ego-booster

I bet he already has a 20+ year old sow.

It must be so nice to happen upon a life philosophy that allows you to be a complete and total douche 100% of the time. [sarcasm]

I'm so sorry, you really are in a no-win situation, except that I do think that eventually divorcing this man will lead you to future fulfillment and happiness that he could never contribute to.

I also think that these supposed 20 something sex slaves will find him less appealing when he's just a self-absorbed divorced dad versus a married guy. Not that you should base your life decisions on enjoying his inability to execute his ridiculous plans, but I think we can all agree we wouldn't be sorry if the wind got knocked out of him.

I'm so glad you're getting counseling. You need all the support possible right now. Also please see a lawyer and get an STD panel. I doubt Mr. Alpha Male felt that cheating was unscrupulous given his "code of ethics."

Really, he has succumbed to a cult-philosophy, and it may help you to read up on people's thinking when they join cults. He has truly been brainwashed and you will not be able to reason with him. This doesn't mean you give him a pass because he's not in his right mind. It just means that you temper your expectations with regards to him ever agreeing with anything you say.

All my fWH EAs and PA were with 23-25 year olds and they all have daddy issues. They tend to be single and have very low self esteem and also think they have a chance to be the next wife. I actually detest these young women because they have the pick of the litter being young and can date single guys.

"Unremarkable, fugly girls with daddy issues" cannot have their pick of a single litter much less any litter.

It's truly a case of water finding its own level when young women with no self-esteem try to latch onto old men with no self-esteem; the young men with self-esteem aren't interested, and the old men with self-esteem know a good thing when they have it already. It won't work out long term, and with all that sad dysfunction, it's nothing but a human car accident anyway.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 6:11 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

Unfortunately there are plenty of 20+yr olds that want older men.

All my fWH EAs and PA were with 23-25 year olds and they all have daddy issues. They tend to be single and have very low self esteem and also think they have a chance to be the next wife

But the "red pill" doofus (what's the plural of doofus?) are all about "attractive 20-somethings looking for NSA sex"...

Figure the odds. If an attractive 20-something is really looking for NSA sex, she doesn't have to settle for a middle-aged doofus.

But the "red pill" doofus (what's the plural of doofus?)

I assume you mean every red pilled male? Generalizing quite a bit. I work with a red pill guy in his early 40’s. He’s obviously never been M and will never be. He never speaks badly about females. He also does not rape, murder or pillage 20 year old girls. If fact, he is not all about sex at all. Many red pill guys actually abstain from sex. He’s just a middle aged guy who doesn’t want to screw up his life by marring the wrong person who will tell him what to do for the rest of his life, have duty sex with him twice a month and will take half of his shit if he wants out.

That being said, the OP’s husband sounds like an asshole.

[This message edited by LostHope8008 at 7:45 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

There is something about this entire crazy mess it makes me realize we have way too much discretionary time on our hands. If your husband had to work in a field hoeing between corn rows, or raising pigs, or picking tobacco, or working in a factory, or picking up garbage on the street he would not have the time to engage in such silliness as this. We live in about as perfect a world as humans have ever known and your 6 year old husband wants to take his marbles and go away. Shame on you for being a grownup.

I assume you mean every red pilled male? Generalizing quite a bit.

What exactly is the definition of a red pill male then? All the red pill stuff I have come across is spouted by misogynistic asshats (male), so I'd appreciate a different explanation of this 'movement'. No offence intended. Apologies if I've missed it in the previous 5 pages!

So sorry, Sami, I cannot imagine trying to live with a husband who lives by the Red pill attitudes I've come across.

He’s just a middle aged guy who doesn’t want to screw up his life by marring the wrong person who will tell him what to do for the rest of his life, have duty sex with him twice a month and will take half of his shit if he wants out.

Well, wouldn't the correct term be "bachelor"? Why all the offensive "red pill" baloney if he simply doesn't want to get married? It's not like some burly amazon is going to throw him over her shoulder and kidnap him, forcing him to languish forever on meager sexual rations with half his worldly goods in a "matriarchal society".

A true male revolution would break the stereotypes and allow males to be unique human beings who are entitled to experience their own wide array of emotions, not stuffed into someone else's bizarre definition of machismo. The first clue to the utter ridiculousness of the "red pill" argument... is the need to demean any man who doesn't agree with them as "beta". These are just the re-wraped bullies from middle school, stuffing other boys into into their lockers or giving them "swirlies" at any hint of original thinking or nonconformity. TBH, I'm truly shocked that there's an audience for this sort of drivel here in the 21st century.

[This message edited by ChamomileTea at 9:03 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

Well, wouldn't the correct term be "bachelor"?

Not to T/J OP, but a bachelor is just a single guy. A red pilled male is NEVER going to get married. The laws in the US and Canada are set up to screw the average married male with alimony, custody and child support. Therefore, the risk of getting married is just not worth it financially and otherwise (bad/no sex, having to get approval before making investments, purchases, etc).

Not saying I agree with it all, because I don’t. However, it is certainly not a “cult” and not all red pilled guys are dicks and rapists (someone else mentioned that earlier). Some are just normal guys that don’t want to get screwed by a wife and a life sentence of unhappiness.

[This message edited by LostHope8008 at 10:01 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

I have been looking more and more at this red pill philosophy online, possibly some of the same sites my husband has been reading for the last 10 months. It is literally the dumbest thing I have ever seen. Dread levels , MTGOW, hypergamy, alpha male, beta male, never date anyone over 27, marriage is a feminist trap....utter, blithering lunacy. Of course, a woman would say that because AWALT.

I told my husband I wanted a divorce and he panicked. Got extremely upset which led to a marathon 7 hour discussion. I worked so hard to deprogram him. It really is a cult and particles of that idiotic philosophy kept working their way into the conversation and I had to keep reminding him to pay attention to what he was saying. I don’t think I got it all out of him but he agreed to finally see a therapist about his midlife crisis. Maybe they can finish what I started. I still don’t know how this will end. Am I delaying the inevitable? I don’t know yet. I need to get counseling, get sleep, eat ( lost 13 pounds over the last several days) and do some heavy thinking. It was exhausting trying to change his mentality. And he might relapse. I dont think I completely was able to eradicate every last shred of this poisonous ideology out of him but made some progress. I feel numb right now. Not happy, not sad, not even really mad. Just an empty, emotionless shell.

eat ( lost 13 pounds over the last several days)

Sip on protein shakes throughout the day, instead of water (or whatever else you normally drink).

Sami, I hear you. This is your marriage you are fighting for. For a lot of us, this movement is new and odd and wrong. But for you it is entirely different. You don't want to argue philosophical ideas about whether this movement is a cult or whatever. You husband decided to buy into this and it pulled the rug out from under you.

So I think we need to get back to what you need instead of men, or women or whatever getting their noses out of joint about the ideas of emasculation or feminatsis or whatever. It's for another day. Let us know what you need to know from us.

The laws in the US and Canada are set up to screw the average married male with alimony, custody and child support.

Unless the wife makes more money -- but of course, in red pill land, this doesn't happen because women are illogical and intellectually inferior, and equal pay for equal work is a feminist plot.

Sami, good for you. No, there's no way you deprogrammed him in a night, but he panicked because you didn't follow the script. You aren't happy or even willing to be dominated, which is totally counter to what those articles and videos led him to expect.

Unless the wife makes more money -- but of course, in red pill land, this doesn't happen because women are illogical and intellectually inferior, and equal pay for equal work is a feminist plot.

This doesn’t happen in “red pill land” because they advise against marriage to begin with. However, if your going to continue the T/J, you should also know they suggest if you marry, marry “up”. Same education level, same income level, definitely no SAHM and no single moms so you don’t get stuck supporting someone else’s kid. Like it or not, it makes sense to a lot of young males.

Equal pay for equal work?? Are you living in 1977?? I work at a fortune 100 company and there are plenty of women that make more than I do and we are at the same management level.

My head is literally spinning with this thread. Like I was time warped back 30 years ago.

I told my husband I wanted a divorce and he panicked.

Of course.

It was exhausting trying to change his mentality. And he might relapse. I dont think I completely was able to eradicate every last shred of this poisonous ideology out of him but made some progress.

Please do what you said--IC, rest, food.

Then come from a place of power! You have a lot of power, not in regards to fixing him (please stop, stop selling yourself) but in regards to being fabulous, having a great life together, and sharing kids! He wants it ALL, and that is not divorce. Of course he panicked. Stop exhausting yourself trying to convince him. You are selling yourself short.

If you have to talk about what a man you are and brag about your alpha self, you are clearly struggling with low self-esteem. Confident people don't talk about how wonderful they are. Marriage produces kids and families and holidays and traditions and all sorts of other wonderful things; otherwise, none of us would risk our hearts and souls. But it's a risk. And you have to pick, marry or not, because nobody gets it all. The single guy is lonely! I know plenty of them, and they admit they are lonely! They thought bachelorhood would be so amazing, but in their 40s they are childless and alone a lot and getting a little tired of clubs and bars and relationships that don't work out, usually because the girl wants to get married. Now they are thinking, "I chose wrong. This isn't what I thought it would be." Middle age is hard whether you are in a rut and having vanilla sex or single and trying to fill your weekends. We still have to accept that getting older means doors are closing. I don't know anyone in their 40s who isn't feeling this way--married, single, childless, parent, long-term R, divorced. We can't go back. Your WH is confronting what we all have to confront, and he's going to need some help doing it. A good IC can help point out how lucky he is to have a devoted, non-cheating wife who loves him! Life is about focusing on what you DO have, and your WS has lost sight of that. Good luck, Sami!

LostHope, you simply sound bitter and cynical. That's unfortunate. Being happy is your job to fill, nobody else's. And women are not causing your unhappiness.

Sami,

A marriage is a commitment between two people. Stand firm. He can stay committed to you or leave the marriage and do whatever he wants to not, not married to you. It’s pretty simple really, there’s nothing to argue about.

Gently, are you sure he hasn’t met other women already?

Sending you strength!

[This message edited by ShutterHappy at 5:25 AM, June 16th (Sunday)]

Amazing. He goes from "if you want to divorce, that's on you," to "please don't divorce me," the moment you call his bluff.

Alpha male my ass.

Sami:

“I told my husband I wanted a divorce. He panicked.”

Alpha male?🙄🙄

If your WH really wants to keep his M and not D, he needs to get into counseling and deal with his issues. He obviously has low self esteem and is grabbing at some radical ideas he thinks will empower him and deal with life and why he feels less than.. He has to come to the realization he is fucked up all by himself IMO. If he just tries to placate you and tell you he doesn’t believe this shit anymore because you have threatened to D him, I think this same kind of garbage can re-emerge. But you need to see action from him. Action to show you he cherishes you and the M. That’s what a real alpha male would do.

Charity411 had some excellent advice. Focus on what you need rather than changing him. Value yourself. Also read and reread OIN’s advice. Good luck.

[This message edited by fareast at 7:00 AM, June 16th (Sunday)]