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nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 10:49 PM on Thursday, June 25th, 2020
--further damage to already damaged kids
I want to point out that this:
She started going after our oldest daughter ("You ruined my life!").
Is abuse. Does she still emotionally abuse your oldest DD?
Get your kids into therapy immediately and call out your WW each and every time she acts like that.
I think you're already getting some good advice but I want you to know - kids need ONE stable, healthy, happy parent to succeed. Your WW is incapable of being that person for them. You are currently incapable of being that person for them. Apparently your MIL is also failing them in that respect according to your profile. Who is safe for your kids to turn to? Who is their role model who shows them how to be a kind, competent adult? What kind of things are you teaching them by staying in this marriage and letting abusive comments from your WW go?
No matter what happens in your marriage, you owe it to them to get it together and be the best parent you can. If your WW treats them abusively, you have to be the one to stand up for them. If you can't be a good father and stay with your WW, divorce is better FOR THEM. Staying would be worse FOR THEM. Having one stable, healthy, separated parent is ALWAYS better than two dysfunctional and unhealthy parents. If you get healthy and if staying healthy involves D then your house will be their safe space. Your life will be the example of how to be a healthy adult. You will be the safe parent that they can turn to. That is why it's better for them than the home life you are giving them today.
LostOpportunities20 (original poster member #74401) posted at 12:00 AM on Friday, June 26th, 2020
nekonamida
Is abuse. Does she still emotionally abuse your oldest DD?
Get your kids into therapy immediately and call out your WW each and every time she acts like that.
Fortunately, this ended around the time of the affair ended. That specific behavior lasted a span of a year (around 10 years ago).
That particular child is an adult now and has gone to therapy, and is pursuing a career as a medical researcher and hopefully will continue to thrive.
As far as the other kids - either FWW realized what she was doing or my threat of CPS/Police was enough to shake her back to reality. Regardless, the behavior was not repeated.
But your point about children needing at least one functioning, healthy parent is well taken. No argument from me there.
BH (50s) WW (50s) EA 2008, EA 2009
Confessed the first, I caught her the second.
Not sure what to call it, but I guess we're in R.
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