SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

montana79...

Enough with the racial slurs and disgusting sexual innuendo's.

No one here needs such graphic and offensive words.

OK, NOW I'm FUCKING pissed!!

I was upset Monday when I took the dog to be put down. My STBXW left a credit card to use for it. I didn't realize it right away, but it was the Discover card that is a joint account. We both pay the bill, and when we got the $4,500 back from the tax return, we used it to pay down the balance.

She canceled this card (or so I thought), but she only canceled mine. Hers is still active. So she can take her broke ass boyfriend out to dinner, and I have to foot the bill, but I can't get gas or groceries if I have to.

Who does shit like this!?!? Who the FUCK does she think she is!?!?

I wanted to do this peacefully, but now I want blood.

Wow, pure mean, cold hearted woman. Stay the course. Sorry to hear this

Your stbx sounds like she could possibly be a bit of a jerk

Seriously brother let your rage burn cold,not hot!

In other words take a few deep breaths and don't let this shit cause you to act in a non strategic manner, like getting the cops called. You are mad. Don't fuck up.

People do do this shit. Same kind of selfish asshole that Cheats unrepentantly

Let your anger motivate you in moving forward on the D. You will want a personal line of Credit or two anyhow moving forward. Put in a few solo applications asap. The can old joint card company is probably a good bet.

Ouch. Just wanted to give my condolences for your dog. I've never owned one myself but once I settle down I'd really love to get one. They're so loyal, sometimes moreso than family.

As for your credit card, it's scary how many times I've had to repeat this with male BS on this site. Please, please, please, PLEASE protect your finances. Your WS will screw with your money, your debt, and your credit if you leave it in their hands or they have access. Protect your assets (but speak to your lawyer about it first).

If it's a joint card you should be able to cancel it too.

I was upset Monday when I took the dog to be put down. My STBXW left a credit card to use for it. I didn't realize it right away, but it was the Discover card that is a joint account. We both pay the bill, and when we got the $4,500 back from the tax return, we used it to pay down the balance.

She canceled this card (or so I thought), but she only canceled mine. Hers is still active. So she can take her broke ass boyfriend out to dinner, and I have to foot the bill, but I can't get gas or groceries if I have to.

Why do you still have joint accounts with her? You need to close all of them, and open accounts in only your name. You need to do this ASAP.

Who does shit like this!?!? Who the FUCK does she think she is!?!?

She an entitled little princess. It's why she's doing all of what she is doing.

Did you file yet? If not, take that credit card and file for divorce.

If you haven't filed for divorce, you should have expected this.

As I posted before, your goal should be self preservation. You really need to think about your financial health.

if you can document the money she spent on the affair you might be able to get at least half back in the divorce.

Checking in on you, JM.

How are you holding up?

OK I guess.

I'm in limbo, not with the marriage, but with the future. We'll probably be living together for the foreseeable future, but we're just 2 strangers now living under the same roof.

I said before that all of our equity is tied up with the house. For me to get my own place, we will need to sell the house so I can move on.

With the way the market is, and having things to fix up in the house, I'll probably be in the same position for the next year, which sucks.

Have you cancelled joint accounts?

No. I've been lazy.

The only 2 joint accounts we have are the Discover credit card (which she opened, so I'm not sure if I can close it. She canceled my card, but hers is still active), and the bank one which is set up for direct deposit through my work, and also set up to direct pay certain bills when it comes to pay day.

I know I should, just lazy.

No. I've been lazy.

The only 2 joint accounts we have are the Discover credit card (which she opened, so I'm not sure if I can close it. She canceled my card, but hers is still active), and the bank one which is set up for direct deposit through my work, and also set up to direct pay certain bills when it comes to pay day.

I know I should, just lazy.

I know I should, just lazy.

I find this pretty surprising, epecially considering she recently cancelled your card without warning. She has proved to you that she'll cut you off financially without a second thought. Establishing your own accounts (bank & cards) & updating your direct deposit should be first steps, right up there with visiting an attorney.

Don't get lazy & let your guard down, my friend, protect yourself!

Lazy?

You are in the fight of your life, and you are taking a break?

Bullshyte.

Pull your head out of your fourth point of contact and follow through with what needs to be done. There will be time for you to feel sorry for yourself when your divorce is finalized.

You need to reach out to someone. Perhaps your sponsor, or another safe man. You need a good kick in the tail.

See my tagline? The one I haven‘t had any reason to change for more than five years?

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone."

Can I ask you to answer a couple of questions?

What would be the ideal outcome of the present situation?

-Would it be that your wife wakes up, smells the roses and tries to save the marriage?

-Would it be that you two divorce and you can go on rebuilding your life?

What compromises are you willing to make to save your marriage?

What compromises are you willing to make to start rebuilding your life?

Why do you foresee living together for the coming future?

In what form of relationship?

Is that relationship sustainable? Is it conductive to you rebuilding your live?

Why will you two be living together for the foreseeable future?

Look friend – You aren’t posting on SI because you are happy. You come here to seek compassion and help to get out of the pain you are in. We can offer you all the compassion in the WORLD and we can offer advice ranging from excellent and proven to real crappy bad ideas.

But ONLY YOU can get out of infidelity.

We can’t “de-infidelitize” your wife through an internet forum.

Heck… You can’t make her end infidelity – although you are definitely in a key situation to create the conditions conductive to her ending the affair…

All YOU can do is to decide and commit to YOU getting out of infidelity…

Until and unless you commit to that path… you are doomed to be in misery AND it’s a CHOICE YOU made… It’s totally on you.

“You are unhappy, so remember that you are unhappy by reason of yourself alone."

You might not be the cause or have impact on what MADE you unhappy – but it’s your choice to remain there.

Final note: I think threads only manage 50 pages and you are on to 49. I challenge you to start your next thread with “My Wife has lost her marbles – but I’m moving on”

The only 2 joint accounts we have are the Discover credit card (which she opened, so I'm not sure if I can close it. She canceled my card, but hers is still active), and the bank one which is set up for direct deposit through my work, and also set up to direct pay certain bills when it comes to pay day.

More than likely the Discover card is not a joint account. It is probably her account and she had previously request/authorized a card to be issued for your use. There is an easy way to find out. If you call them and inquire about the account, they will tell you all you want to know if you are a joint debtor. If you are not, you will be "unauthorized" to inquire about the card.

The cards with your bank tied to the direct deposit and set up for auto pay is probably a debit card. If your bank account is joint, please establish a new sole account and move the direct deposit with appropriate auto pay to the new account. Cancel the card (debit or credit) tied to any joint account.

One more quick recommendation regarding your bank account. I can understand if your hesitation is because you are still living together and you are paying household expenses. I recommend discussing the expenses with your STBX, either in person or by email if that is easier. List them all out (mortgage, utilities, food, etc), split them as you see fit. Set up a separate individual bank account and have your paycheck auto deposit split (if your work has that capability). Your agreed portion of the home expenses into the joint account, the rest into your personal. Not only does this start establishing your own financial independence, but also stops your STBX from spending your hard-earned money on her extramarital activities, as well as, gives your STBX another preview of life without you. Win-Win-Win.