first off, thanks for a place to vent to whoever started this site/thread.
I too am a victim of a WS having an EA. To start matters off, I was not the best husband I could have been for 11 years now. I was not there for her when she needed and I didn't know how to show my feelings. I recently,(through this whole ordeal) found out maybe I need something medical to help me through the day, my whole family on my mothers side have to depend on anti-depressants. So I looked up some info and I too have a doctor's appt. to see what my options to make me a better husband/father.
Sorry to make this too long, but my story is this, I found out my WW was getting too friendly with guy from work. She said we needed to make separate email accounts so me and her can write/flirt with each other and the kids not know what was being said. I thought that was a good idea and went for it. She did this as she was texting on the cell phone and used up our 400 text in just 3 days on mostly him. So then the emailing started and I found out. I confronted and she said it was just friends, which I still was extremely jealous. But trusted her. I still told her to hold it down and not stay on emails all night...she agreed.
A night or two of this went by, but still had 30-50 emails a night. I dont know exactly what was said but for the emails she kept the OP was telling my wife that he thought she was wonderful and beautiful. This is all true, but to read it from another man and to know my wife liked it was something else to stomach.
So I said no more contact and she agreed.
That didn't last 24 hours, the next night they were back at it on the computer and after I asked her to quit, she said one more minute, which lasted another 21 minutes, so I went to the breaker panel and turned the power off on the house. This broke my power supply on my computer and we had no emailing or internet for a week. This was the most wonderful week we both had in a long time, we got along and I really felt she loved me again.
The week didn't last.
She got a friend to give her a laptop, for free and that was ok, but she didn't even leave the laptop giving friends house to get back online and start emailing him again.
Side note, they have to do all their talking away from work because he is a security person at work and they are not supposed to be in this kind of friendship anyway.
When we got home I had to see what was being said on the computer and she no it was her own business. It was a bad night for both none the less. The next day we had our alone time, she went off by herslelf and I did the same. I found these emails later in the day which she told him that she wanted more from him than just friends, this realy got me boiling and I told her to call him now infront of me and tell him its over, which she did......FOOL ME AGAIN>
The emails stopped and as far as I know there was no contact. Then I checked her laptop 6 days later and the history showed a new email address that they had just went further underground. I hacked into that and what I read there made me barf. They had not turned it into a PA yet from the best I could tell but at least this time I forwarded all the emails to a secret account and told her I knew everything.
I am still a little lost here
She even says shes not physically attracted to this guy, but continues going back to him....The only reason she says its off now is embarrassment from her family. That was the only thing she asked, is that if I don't tell on her she would give me a week to prove she was over him. I feel fooled so many times what do I do?
Am I too trusting, or am I just that horrible to be around that she would rather be with someone else that I don't think she even likes.
I promised to get medical help and go to therapy but this has not been enough to her, do I need to give her time to see I can be what she loved 11 years ago again?
Sorry for so many questions but no one knows the pain like this.
I too have been in a near death experience as I had my right leg amputated 3 years ago in freak industrial accident that nearly took my life. Was in the hospital for 6 weeks. I would rather go through that hell a million times over than to experience this for another minute.
thanks for letting me vent here