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Newest Member: BlueSea43

Divorce/Separation :
Keeping a straight face

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 Goosee1 (original poster new member #41122) posted at 4:58 AM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

I posted a little about my story in the general section, but I'll give a short scenario.

I'm 39 weeks pregnant and just discovered my WH is on dating websites. I managed to crack into one of his accounts and took screenshots of the evidence and so on. I also have good reason to believe he's seeing prostitutes. He doesn't know that I know all this.

I'm still in evidence gathering mode. WH works out of state, so it's difficult to sort through his shit without tipping him off. I'm also getting 'cash back' here and there when I go to the store, so he doesn't know I'm trying to sock away money to leave.

It's so difficult to keep a straight face when he comes home on the weekends. It's hard to pretend to be the loving wife, when I feel so much contempt for him. He's either kissing my ass all the time or he's in a pissy mood looking for a reason to argue over dumb shit. (So he can justify what he's doing, in the back of his mind, I'm sure.)

If the doctor gives the okay, I'm scheduled to give birth on Thursday. POS WH will of course be in the room while I'm in labor, which makes it a thousand times worse! I'll probably ask for an STD test when he's not in the room.

I just needed to vent.

posts: 11   ·   registered: Oct. 27th, 2013
id 6539695
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Pass ( member #38122) posted at 5:09 AM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

I mean no disrespect to you when I say this, but if you're less than your usual loving self right now, you could blame your hormones. I remember the Princess doing a lot of out of character things (eg cuddling!) when her due dates approached.

Time to start thinking like a liar.

Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.

posts: 3785   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2013   ·   location: Ontario, Canada
id 6539705
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 Goosee1 (original poster new member #41122) posted at 5:21 AM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

I don't think it's disrespectful at all. He says I'm hormonal all the time anyway.

It's just very hard to not confront him or cause bodily injury at this point.

posts: 11   ·   registered: Oct. 27th, 2013
id 6539715
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Pass ( member #38122) posted at 5:30 AM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

Yep. That is hard. I confronted within an hour of finding out, and to this day, I have found out VERY little. You're doing the right thing.

Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.

posts: 3785   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2013   ·   location: Ontario, Canada
id 6539720
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Phoenix1 ( Moderator #38928) posted at 8:46 AM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

I kept a straight face for about five years when he took his As underground. I didn't want to confront without hard evidence as I knew he would just lie. After confronting I told him we would stay together until youngest DD graduates. After a year of withholding my true feelings he was caught in yet another blatant A with an OC. He ran off that day following confrontation at OW's house. Trying to keep the civil, straight face for so long sucked the life out of me, but it also gave me time to get my ducks in a row before calling it quits. I can't imagine doing it so close to giving birth and I am so sorry you are going through that!

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 6539798
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forlornheart ( member #40726) posted at 12:55 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

Hang in there. You are absolutely doing the right thing. Just avoid intimacy at all cost. Too dangerous if he's sleeping around! Blame childbirth or postpartum depression I'd need be. He's a man he won't know enough about those things.

Keep socking away that money, every little bit you can get. If you need to ask for money to pay for something then ask for more than needed. Plus pulling out that cash back.

Try to stay till you have some cash, evidence and a plan in place.

Consider him a shitty roommate at this point and focus on you and that new baby!

Me: 48- BW
Him: 45-WH-chronic cheater, PA and EA
Current Her: Mid to late 30's fatassed, no necked, troglodyte
D Day: August 23, 2013
Separated: August 23, 2013

posts: 52   ·   registered: Sep. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Michigan
id 6539880
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sleepless34 ( member #40274) posted at 7:04 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

Wow, you are so strong! I give you so much credit that you are able to hold it together and be so rationale while getting your ducks in a row, and HAVING A BABY!

One good place to look is on his paypal account if he has one and you can figure out password. That is where my STBX paid for a lot of his Affairs and other filth. If you see a charge for ADL media, for instance, it is really for Ashley Madison...the most popular and DISGUSTING cheaters website these days.

Again, kudos to you for keeping a straight face. I could not do it, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I blew up the second I found out and I have never been able to have a calm exchange with him since...so you are playing it well.

Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

posts: 446   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Hell
id 6540328
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surviving1963 ( member #40393) posted at 2:48 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

I thought I had it bad. I cannot imagine being 39 weeks pregnant and going thru all that! You strength is amazing.

Keep the straight face while you gather evidence. I wish I had done that--. See an attorney. Take care of yourself and your baby.

Hugs

Me: 54
WH: 54
Married 34 years.
D-Days 3-4-12, 8-19-12
4 sons, 3 daughters
9 grandkids
D final Oct 2015

posts: 160   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2013   ·   location: Utah
id 6540918
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sunsetslost ( member #39885) posted at 3:51 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Good job Goosee! Gather evidence. Get some cash. Then nail his ass to the wall!

Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

posts: 800   ·   registered: Jul. 20th, 2013   ·   location: The beach.
id 6540985
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