Trix123 (original poster new member #84713) posted at 4:49 PM on Tuesday, November 4th, 2025
am back here for some help and advice on how to clear my head as Im struggling. Im exhausted
Dec 2023 I found out my ex has having an Emotional Affair with my close friend who was also my neighbour. This woman was in my house daily as I was confiding in her about my pain at my ex going colder and colder and my kids and I breaking and I didn’t know what to do
Her husband found the ‘we are just friends ‘messages and split up but my ex and I for 1 year tried and had IC and MC. As the months went on I spiralled and he got angry at this saying I was 5% evil (evil as I went to a solicitor to get advice, I told his family, I told my family which he tried to step me doing by checking my phone, looked at houses to leave, wrote on help forums and that my crying was hurting him). I also got ptsd from the shock and my hair fell out and I had the worst nightmare and shakes. He said was an abuser, controlling, Im 2 people, I fall out with people all the time (I don’t, I call out BS) he wasn’t happy in the marriage (first Id heard of this) I didn’t offer him stability or trust. He also refused to move house so I would still see her daily on dog walks which really hurt and he would at times (3 times) bump into her and have little chats that would send my spirals bad again. I was in therapy, and I really tried to get well and move on, but my gut was saying he was lying. He gaslit me so much saying they were just friends and this was all in my head
In Jan this year I asked him to move out after a bad spiral and he as I did speak to me for almost a month in my own home and moved into the spare room. I just couldn’t take it anymore. He said it was just for a break for a few weeks but it’s now Oct and he didn’t come back.
So, this week by text (19 years relationship and I get a text) on the day of our wedding anniversary he told me they were now together and even worse he has told our children everything without discussing this with me the mother of his children.
Im now left thinking what’s coming next. I know I’m not in the wrong, but he has gaslighted my head so much Im left at times thinking what when wrong? We had a good marriage, and I adored him but was he always a bad egg and I didn’t see!? I feel like such a mug. And Ive now been told by others they always flirted when my back was turned (I was so trusting) and who knows this could have been going on for years.
Any advice or comfort welcome. I’m ok – Im dealing with this and strong but at times the sadness hits and I feel so low and confused
