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WWH has not touched me in 10 years. Not even slightly. Things have come to a head. I told him I no longer accept the situation as it is. Some terrible things were said after an attempt at intimacy. Last weekend, I packed a bag and didn’t come home after work. He finally hit rock bottom and realized how much loves me. But he refuses to go to counseling for the anger he has for me for telling the other affair partners spouse about the affair. When I ask him to to fight for us. He said he was thinking about it. So there’s my answer after all the years of trying and crying and praying he’s not seriously considering fighting for us. He’d rather hold a grudge towards me for telling the affair partners husband. He still doesn’t understand how badly he hurt me so here it is. Just hurting and heading towards divorce.

I can sympathize. When I initially confronted my wife she had nothing but anger and vitriol. There wasn't a single ounce of empathy. The best I got was I'm sorry this upsets you. The next day when she came home from work I said I need time to think and I can't do that bumping into you and I will not spend all weekend staring at the ground. There is a suitcase upstairs, please leave and she did and that's when reality kicked her in the face that this was not some minor hiccup that we would gloss over in a few days. When we met two days later to discuss the next step she did a 180 with her attitude. Those three days I was crushed believing that she did not care one bit that I was destroyed

I waited 5 months to tell the wife of her AP and I regret every day I waited. When I told my wife she had the balls to get mad at me. She asked didn't you think about what might happen if she came into my work and made a scene? What if I lost my job?

To which I replied where was this concern while you were having your affair? What if his wife found your sexting messages on her husband's phone, came into the work, made a scene, you lost your job and our family lost its health insurance?

That took the wind out of her sails quickly but it pissed me off royally that she could be so hypocritical

You might tell your husband that had he been loyal there never would have been a conversation but it sounds like he is too wrapped up in himself to acknowledge this reality

When the WS doesn't show remorse or if the remorse is short-lived it seems to magnify the pain of the affair tenfold

WWH has not touched me in 10 years. Not even slightly. Things have come to a head. I told him I no longer accept the situation as it is. Some terrible things were said after an attempt at intimacy. Last weekend, I packed a bag and didn’t come home after work. He finally hit rock bottom and realized how much loves me. But he refuses to go to counseling for the anger he has for me for telling the other affair partners spouse about the affair. When I ask him to to fight for us. He said he was thinking about it. So there’s my answer after all the years of trying and crying and praying he’s not seriously considering fighting for us. He’d rather hold a grudge towards me for telling the affair partners husband. He still doesn’t understand how badly he hurt me so here it is. Just hurting and heading towards divorce.

As my custom, you will get honesty even if it is harsh.

Here is the thing a woman need to understand:

A man who loves you cannot be physically distant from you.
Intimacy and sex are our way to connect with our woman, like emotional intimacy is for women

He did not spare physical intimacy during his affair.

I understand it might be painful but you have your answer.

Telling the AP's husband was the right thing to do. Has he been holding this "grudge" for the last ten years? I see you joined a while ago, and have quite a few posts. I'm going to assume you've been in many conversations here so you already know you did the right thing and your husband's reaction is the wrong one.

I question whether or not he truly hit his rock bottom, because if he did, he'd understand, or at least try to, that you did the right thing, let it go, and focus on what he needs to do to fix this. It seems he's more concerned about the AP and himself than he is about you.

I'm sorry you're in this spot, and I know those realizations are very difficult to wrestle with. I don't know your whole story, but from what you posted in this thread am I correct in assuming d day was ten or more years ago?

Multiple ddays and he has faked ED. Two years ago I found a sexual text between him and the woman of his second family. He says it was a joke between them and gets angry for me be g in his phone.

I have worked with an infidelity coach and I am much stronger and no longer accept this. It was hard to take when I ask him to fight for us because I shouldn’t have to ask him to fight for us.

I appreciate everyone’s insight as I move forward because it’s still hard.

[This message edited by Emotionalhell at 3:28 PM, Monday, January 12th]