SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Quick recap: DD was 8/7/22, I did IC for a brief period. Then about a year later I started IC for myself again. He was out of the house for about 2 months. He refused to do IC or MC. Finally after I had a "melt down" in April, did he start IC. Now that I have said I want a D, he, perhaps from his Ic, wants to do MC. Someone here brought up the point in my other post that MC could be viewed as solely wanting to fix the MC. While I'm all for fixing, I'm not so sure I'm at a point of fixing, I think I'm beyond it now. I can't forget, forgive, and love him like I did. So, is MC worth it for us?

What did he learn about himself in IC?

Anything?

Talk to him about it.

If he did learn things, then maybe MC, because you’re married to a new person.

Best wishes.

Are you doubting your decision to D?

What would be the goal of MC for you?

MC usually treats the M. Your M didn't fail - your WS did.

Even if you go forward with D, might MC - at least briefly - be helpful in jointly navigating the emotional aspects of divorce for your family? I assume your kids are adults, but even so, would MC be helpful in aligning on how to talk with the kids, how to navigate family events and dynamics in the future, setting ground rules for how the two of you engage with each other (or don't) during the D process?

Not suggesting you should D or not D - just offering a perspective about how a good MC might be useful even if you ultimately choose to D.

When MC is done as a last ditch effort by the cheater, I’m sorry to say it’s just a band aid.

A band aid to shut you up about it.

Formerpeopleperson, I don’t think I can answer that, maybe that he was in a rough patch in life that he could finally admit to, he was a police officer at the time and it was hard doing that job with all the riots and such. Though he retired early '22, the A still went on for 1/2 year more. He blames his job for sending him into this "bad place" mentally. Thank you, I will ask him what he thinks he has gotten from IC.

sisoon, I am not doubting my decision to D. I’ve agreed to MC because I will get to say I tried everything to save our marriage starting at DD. He only did the work 2-1/2 years+ later when he thought I was going to want a D. I feel like he is grasping at every straw now to "keep me". Including sending me things he’s written telling me he can’t live without me, we’re soul mates, blah blah blah.

Arnold01, yes my IC said MC could even help navigate the emotions of D. Our sons are adults but still live with us while attending college. So it will impact them. Thank you, helpful insight.

The1stWife, I think I agree with you. Trying to decide if I should allow this bandaid, at least for a bit. As I told my IC, this could be entertaining. I’m sorry to say that, but this guy made a lot of mistakes and lies!

Thanks everyone!