SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm a 33 year old wife and the mom of 2 kids. My husband is 31. The Sunday before last he admitted he cheated on me with a friend from the gym, a 45 year old woman who never had kids.

My husband confessed they have been talking for weeks, allegedly mostly about health and fitness. He said on that day, he was coming in the gym and she had just finished her workout. Instead of going to do his workout, she invited him to have lunch with her. He said after lunch they ended up in her home.

This maybe poor judgement on my part but I wanted to see what this woman looks like. He showed me her Instagram. Given how fit she looks, I asked my husband if my weight had anything to do with the cheating. He said yes.

In their Instagram message exchanges, it was mostly talk about health and fitness. But their was some definite flirting. I'm heartbroken and embarrassed.

You weight had nothing to do with his cheating. NOTHING. That is a convenient excuse that allows him to blame you for his shitty actions.

You had two kids - bodies change. Your weight is not important. He may have found the AP attractive- we all see attractive people all the time. She may have flirted (as he did as well). But frankly that happens too. But it was his lack of character and morals for why he cheated. HE WANTED TO AND HE DID. And he would have done it if you were supermodel.

Look, supermodels do get cheated on ALL THE TIME. Halle Berry anyone? Jennifer Aniston? Beyoncé? All stunning. It is NEVER about looks or weight. I know how this attacked your self-esteem right when you are most vulnerable- and that is intentional. But they ALWAYS affair down. There is a post with a bullseye on it in the Just Found Out forum with that title — look for it, read it, and take it to heart.

But you see by blaming your weight, he is no longer the bad guy. It wasn’t his fault. Somehow your weight caused him to ignore his vows, repeatedly cross boundaries, and then insert his penis in her. Your weight did not do that.

I know this hurts, but it’s just not true. Beauty is more than weight anyway- and the things that make someone beautiful are not the things he or his AP possess. But you do. You know this is true- look at your friends. You see their beauty and it has nothing to do with their looks or weight.

Be kind to yourself. And go read that post.

[This message edited by BearlyBreathing at 5:23 PM, Monday, January 26th]

I'm a guy. I was cheated on. I don't post often here but I saw your post and it makes me mad. I'm sorry that you find yourself here.

Your weight had absolutely nothing to do with what your husband did. You gave him an easy excuse when you asked him if your weight had anything to do with it. He grabbed on to it because he knew you'd buy it and is using this as an excuse. He did what he did because he wanted to. No other reason. Look at the messages they were sending back and forth. All of that was leading up to what happened.

It's OK to be heartbroken. You have every reason to be. It's understandable to be embarrassed even though you have no reason to be. Stay strong and do not let him manipulate you.

Good luck

I didn't realize how much I needed to hear someone say it's not my fault.

I am so sorry. First that you had to hear those words and second because it’s another lie.

Another lie he told you and himself to justify his affair.

BTW my H cheated on me with someone who was heavier and not in good shape. And she wasn’t pretty either lol. She was a drama queen to boot.

Your H cheated b/c he wanted to. He wanted the ego boost. He liked the attention and the thrill of the chase so to speak.

Does he think he’s something special to this OW gym rat? It sounds to me like this is not her first time picking up some random guy at the gym. How cliche anyway - so typical.

I suggest he needs STD testing immediately BTW.

Cheating is never because of the betrayed spouse. It’s not because you did or did not do something. Cheating happens because the cheater puts their selfish needs FIRST and tells themself ANYTHING they need to hear to justify the affair.

I’m sorry for you. Get yourself a good counselor - just for you. You have long road ahead of you in dealing with this trauma.

And I hope your H is remorseful very soon.

It's not your fault. It never was and never will be. Cheating is a unilateral decision someone makes because they don't know how to tell themselves "no" when faced with lust and temptation.

And your husband must be every woman's idea of the perfect man. I'll bet he's a real lady killer and women swoon as he walks by.

One more voice telling you it's not your fault and that it didn't factor in in anything that could be called a truly meaningful way.

Cheaters will latch on to any an all excuses for their behavior. It's just one rationalization after another, and it takes work to get down to the real reason they were willing to lie and cheat.

My wife cheated on me when I was at peak fitness, having just set a post-high-school PR in my mile time, same for a couple of lifts, and a PR in a half marathon. At the time, she was actually struggling with her weight. Fitness likely has nothing to do with this.