SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have permission to go on my husband of 20+ years’ phone. Found some flirty texts with a girl who gave him her number at a restaurant. She also texted him a sexy pic. Also found an email
He sent inquiring to an escort for a business trip he was going to be going on. I couldn’t find evidence that anything came of it, and he swears up and down he never went through with anything. I keep telling myself is possible that’s true, that I caught him in the first attempts. I never thought this would be my life. But I also keep trying to tell myself if nothing "happened" it’s not the big deal I’m making it. He’s not the calculating, secretive type, so this shocked me. Both of these situations, especially the sexy texts, he claims he doesn’t remember the details (it was about 6months ago). I want so bad to believe him but am on the struggle bus.

I'm so sorry you are in this position.

I notice this is your first post so I assume you are new here. You are about to receive some amazing replies to this post with some excellent advice from others who have been in your shoes, and your husband's.

If this is happening in real time and you have just found out, please listen to their advice and take it immediately. I did not have their perspective and advice, and caused another 3 years of pain and relapses due to my initial response to my wife's affair. Read up on the 180 strategy that's pinned.

I will say this, though. DO NOT trust what he is saying right now. You guys may have a great marriage, both want to reconcile, and I pray you recover and build a new and better marriage. BUT, your husband is in damage control. He may love you with all his heart and mean it when he says he doesn't want to lose you. But right now he will lie as much as he has to in order to cover this up.

[This message edited by Carpenter81 at 6:32 PM, Wednesday, April 22nd]

Is called gaslighting.

Doesn’t remember any details right? But he can swear and explain to you in every detail how he totally never followed through.

Is just because the compromising details are so slippery and totally not because he is a cheater and a liar. Is you imagining things and making a big deal out of nothing.

Gaslighting.

We all been through it, don’t worry cheaters always lie and shift their blame on us.

It’s basically the strongest evidence he is a cheater, seriously is so predictable is not even funny anymore.

He was entertaining sexual / emotional connection with another woman and hiding it from you.
Up to where they went up on the sordid scale, matters zero to your nervous system or attachment.

I am sorry I know how deeply it shatters you.
Here you will find help to navigate through the chaos and even more importantly a place where to voice your emotions and be heard, understood and never judged.

You will make it sister.
You have been heard