SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Context: I'm M (30), my partner F (31), we've been together for almost 12 years and married for almost 3. About a year ago, things became quite monotonous, specifically in our intimacy. I love her, I provide, she's attentive to my needs, and many other things, but there's this detail: 2 months ago I met another woman, we started talking, and things escalated to infidelity (previously I had many opportunities with different people, but I never crossed the line into physical intimacy). We had two sexual encounters, we both enjoyed it, I felt desired as a man, I was able to be honest about everything sexual I wanted to try and AP reacted the same way, the adrenaline was something hadn't felt in years and we agreed to continue seeing each other, but the opportunity never arose. Throughout all of this I felt guilty, but the impulse won. AP contacted me from the beginning, and we presented everything as something casual, although there are two details in each encounter that left me thinking a lot. The first time, she told me she wanted me to do it without protection, which I completely refused, something that was spontaneous on her part. The second time, after we were intimate, she asked me a question: "Don't you think the guilt will be too great afterward?" which instantly made me feel bad.

Three weeks ago, it came to light, by my mistake cause i have plans of continue this affair and I had a discussion with my partner. We agreed to continue the relationship and improve things, which is happening, even sexually. I've felt things I haven't experienced in years with my partner. But even with everything improving and real changes in our intimacy, I can't stop thinking about having another sexual experience with this same person since i felt she left the door open because of our last conversation. I'm seeing a psychologist, trying to rationalize and be logical in my thoughts, and I'm trying to focus on my own things, my work, new activities, but the thought of writing to her again and having something physical again won't go away. It keeps coming back. I have it many times during the day with stronger impulses to contact her again.

What should I do? Should I give in to the impulse with the idea of "one last time"? I'm aware of all the personal and relationship consequences that doing it again would entail, and yet I can't get rid of the thought and the desire to do it.

Please help.

You should end the relationship with your wife because you seem far the suited to monogamny and don't appear capable at this time.

Your wife deserves better.

[This message edited by DRSOOLERS at 7:20 PM, Thursday, April 23rd]

Hey again.

You might not want to get answers here in general just yet, as you are in the full high of the dopamine rush and affair.

You made this same post in the wayward side, and the answers you get there will be more "restrained " for respect of the suffering of the reformed wayward partners that are asking for help there.

Note the key

REFORMED wayward partners

You are not reformed you are at this moment a full blown unremorseful cheater who is asking for advice how to better betray his wife for a dopamine fix.

You are not suffering now, you are inflicting on your wife one of the worst abuse a human being can experience, and care zero for her pain.

You don’t realize now, you don’t care, not yet at least.

All that matters is the other woman, condom yes/no and the next validation dopamine hit before the next "one last time ".

The gentlest thing I can possibly say to you right now is read the REFORMED wayward partners pain and life destruction that infidelity caused them.

You may not give two fucks about your wife right this second, but surely you care about your self, and only about yourself. Truth is not even the other woman matters (as you don’t matter to her, she is just your mirror), all that matters is how fucking her (over your wife) makes you feel good about yourself.

I can only wish you that your conscience is biting strong enough to pull you off this self destructive path.

But your relationship with your wife is over, dead, not coming back.

Up to you how more you want to burn bridges or if you want to face your ghosts and understand why you are doing this to her and believe or not, yourself.

Because you also betrayed that version of you, and that’s not coming back ever either.

[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 7:42 PM, Thursday, April 23rd]

I'm aware of all the personal and relationship consequences that doing it again would entail,

No, you're not. You're completely clueless.

I want you to think about this. You came to group of people who are trying to survive infidelity, who are in a world of pain and heartbreak, and asked them if you "should" continue to cheat on your wife.

Do you have any idea how incredibly fucked-up that is?