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still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 3:46 AM on Friday, September 30th, 2011
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
notgoneyet ( member #33294) posted at 4:02 AM on Friday, September 30th, 2011
Great insight - wish I had read this a few weeks ago!
Need to update: After almost 3 years at first Dday came DDay #2 which was a true PA with an employee. After discussion on DDAy, he appeared to realize what he had done and called her and went NC. Since then we have been in IC and MC but I am strug
cass ( member #24261) posted at 7:36 PM on Sunday, October 2nd, 2011
DDay - April 2008
Me - 58 and doing great, alone.
Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket!
fromthisdayfwd ( member #30634) posted at 1:45 AM on Monday, October 3rd, 2011
Still awesome post...wonder if it will be put int the library soon??
Married 8/20/1994
Betrayed
DDay 6/23/2010
A gift is not given if it has been demanded.
Failure to attempt is failure.
flower0ne ( member #28354) posted at 10:07 PM on Monday, October 3rd, 2011
FWS: Him 39
BS: Me 37
OW: Bitchface 22 (his bosses sister/SIL)
DD: Second week of January '10
A was approximately 6 months and ended late February.
imagoodwitch ( member #23375) posted at 1:15 AM on Friday, October 7th, 2011
Ordinary average everyday sane psycho super goddess
openedupmyeyes ( member #27871) posted at 8:33 PM on Friday, October 7th, 2011
Me:55 BS
Him:55 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:37
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.
npain ( member #33539) posted at 3:16 AM on Sunday, October 9th, 2011
This is really a great post! I might give a little more time than 1 month, though. I'm 2 months past DD and still waiting for the remorse. I'll give until thanksgiving, which would be about 4 months out, but afterthat, I think I'll be done if nothing budges. Doing the 180 now so I'll see how this will play out
S, Filed 4/17/14--YAY, ME!!
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 3:47 AM on Tuesday, October 11th, 2011
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
iowagirl32 ( member #33200) posted at 3:44 PM on Friday, October 14th, 2011
I go back and read this one alot, its got some great advise.
(((HUGS)))
Life is like a diaper. Sometimes its warm and comforting, sometimes its cold and wet. And sometimes, its just full of shit.
-------------------------------
Me - BW 41
Him - WH 49
DD 13
DS 10
M - 16 years, together for 21 years
D day -w
unarmbears ( member #7480) posted at 3:41 PM on Saturday, October 15th, 2011
bump 
FBS-Me, 67
FWH-Him, 62
2 Sons 33 and 38
2 Daughters 36 & 31 And 5 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie
feelidiot ( new member #33565) posted at 2:05 AM on Sunday, October 16th, 2011
I'm new here. My D-day was 7 days ago. Read this post on time as i was about to tell him my source (his own hotmail accounts). So far, I have 57 pages to print. Sooner oe later, he will pay for his threesome and all other activities he did.
Thanks for the good advices and hope you are feeling well!
grownapair ( member #33622) posted at 11:27 AM on Sunday, October 16th, 2011
I am printing this out and keeping it handy so that every time I think I can't go on with the 180 and NC, every time I want to txt or ph, every time I think I couuld possibly go back to being treated so poorly...I will instead stand tall, remember that I am worth SO much more, and carry on. Thank you.
BS - me, 40 WH - 42
Kids 8 and 10
Definitely done!
unarmbears ( member #7480) posted at 2:31 PM on Saturday, October 22nd, 2011
Bump
FBS-Me, 67
FWH-Him, 62
2 Sons 33 and 38
2 Daughters 36 & 31 And 5 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 9:58 PM on Wednesday, October 26th, 2011
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
NeedMoreTime ( member #33677) posted at 7:50 AM on Thursday, October 27th, 2011
Thank you so much for this. I've been going over and over what am I going to do, what do I want to do, what should I do....this seems like a really good place to start.
BW
Multiple D-days, 2/4/11, 10/21/11, 10/27/2011, 11/28/11
Trying R...going well.
How can our wounds become scars if the bleeding doesn't stop?
StuckABM ( member #33428) posted at 1:26 PM on Thursday, October 27th, 2011
Thank you soooooo much for keep this post alive.
I have been search for something to help me gauge my WH. And honestly this just comes at a time when I needed it.
Truthfully my husband’s fog went on for 5 months after the OW TT.
I was pretty much doing everything you said not to. I was always afraid of not making him angry.
The only plus for me was even though I did not find this website until later and read the 180 I was doing it during that time.
I never felt more empowered, I still am not sure how or why but i was doing things to make me happy going out throwing my own parties.
Anyway it all broke in July he hit "rock bottom" as the AA says. He picked the stupidest of fights as he usually did during and the A. And he escalated it.... but I was in such a good place I was not going to let him take me there this time.
It ended with him picking up our big screen tv and throwing it on the floor..(Because he first tired to kick it but with not much success in shattering the screen... if I was not so frozen I would have burst out laughing)
It ended with him pushing me so hard I fell. Something that he had done for the second time in all our 19 years together.
He drove off with a bottle of whiskey in his hands.
My WH from the very first day admitted his wrongs regretted his behaviour and took full responsibility for his actions during the affair, he was very forthcoming with information and was willing to try note the word "willing" but was not active.
It was then I reached a point in my life that should he stay or go I was not settling for less than I felt I deserved any more.
I asked him to appreciate the fact that he clearly needed help and I set my min standards immediately.
[This message edited by StuckABM at 7:30 AM, October 27th (Thursday)]
The capacity exists within us all to forgive… the question is : Am I willing to forgive???
On this Long Road to R
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 2:33 AM on Monday, October 31st, 2011
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
Take2 ( member #23890) posted at 1:05 PM on Monday, October 31st, 2011
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?
cass ( member #24261) posted at 9:23 PM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011
DDay - April 2008
Me - 58 and doing great, alone.
Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket!
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