SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just adding my 2 cents to the many who have read and responded. I agree with the whole package... in fact, the speed at which I proceeded with the Divorce was a blessing in disguise for me. I am still very angry at the lack of respect I received at the hands of that SOB and hopefully will never have to speak with him again, but I have found that life is SOOOOO much better without him. I no longer have to depend on an undependable partner, and indeed have found a truly wonderful man to share my life with. Had the SOB WH not been such a !@#$%^&*, I never would have had the opportunity to meet the love of my life!

I made a ghastly mistake in 1980... Thirty years of punishment was enough. Now it's MY TIME!

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... for newcomers to SI ...

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Great insight and so true.

I am 6 months from DDay #2--I have one thing to say and I figured it out the hard way and this is JMO:

If there is ANY hesitation at any point about WS ending A and making it PRIORITY to maintain NC, it's doomed.

I gave my WH a day, a week, a month, 2 months--guess what? He could NEVER commit to NC or ending A. ANd that was after I 180'd him. Hence my decision to file.

I, personally, am not willing to babysit a man who hasn't been able to get his head out of his ass by now.

I mean, at some point, doesn't anyone ever ask--does it have to be this much work??? If I have to dictate to my WH how to be a decent, honest person who doesn't cheat then doesn't it begin to feel like a job, not a marriage?

Hope I don't offend anyone. Just venting

Love this Post! My favorite:

4. I wish I'd not given a damn if I made WS angry.

How true and believe me I didn't. My WH A was life altering and devastating for me but it did not take me down. On DDay it was simple: "You want to leave? Get the Hell out". He stayed.

There would be no begging or pleading from this BS. It was all in my attitude. I truly believe that, given all that has gone down, he is lucky to have me. I NEVER believed that his A was my fault. I would survive with or without him. And I offered up these words more than you can imagine, "You don't like it, GET OUT"

14 months later and my WH continues to do all that he can do to right the wrong. If he did not we would not be together, it is as simple as that.

Nope, I never gave a shit if I made him angry.

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 7:40 PM, November 29th (Tuesday)]

bumped for dupedagain, and any other new members.

Going on eight years now and I really do wish I had kicked his ass to the curb if even for just a few months. But I was stupid and so afraid that he would not come back. Looking back I can now see that it would have been the sure fire way to get the whole truth out of him.

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Thanks! Can't read this post enough!

Good reading

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Before I say what I would have done differently, let me say :

a) He never saw me cry. I never allowed myself to cry in front of him. I did cry in private, but not in front of him

b) I didn't give a damn if he got angry and he did at times. It will be two years in April 2012 since dday and until 2 months ago , if I felt angry,I exploded, if I wanted to let him have it, I did. Didn't give a damn.

Then I realized that enough is enough. I am still angry at times, I still want to explode, but it will not do me any good at this point. I am pleasant now, however hard it may be at times.

What would I have done differently? I would not have talked to him trying to put some sense in him. People in the fog are tough to reason with, they only know the high they get from the OP. Instead, I would have sat him down, and I would have calmly told him that he has 24 hours to make up his mind. (You need to shake the fog off of people.)I would have told him that he only has 2 option : me or her. Period.

I would then explain that there are strings attached to each option and they are non negotiable. If he stayed with me, he'd have to sever all ties with OW, including getting out of their social club. Also severing ties with people who might update him on her.

If he chose OP, he would have to pack his suicase right away. The moment he'd walk out that door, we'd no longer be husband and wife. If he wanted to return - once he would have realized his mistake- the door would be open for him. But we'd never be a couple again. Just roommates. Some of you may not agree with this "roommate" situation, but it would not bother me at all.

That's what I should have done: given him a 24-hour ultimatum. Period.

Looking back at what transpired after DDay, if I had done what I said above, he would have dropped her like a hot potato and life would have been a lot easier. Too late now....

I should add that he's dropped her altogether, but it took a while before he did that. He still wanted to hang on to the high and her fake charm, attention, and fulsome flattery.

If it were not for her stupidity and her idiotic, pitiful behavior, he might have continued the "friendship" somehow. What would I have done if that were the case? I would not have tolerated it. I would have acted and I would have made HIM tell our sons what he had been doing behind their mother's back for a year.....So glad I never had to cross that bridge.

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Posts like this are the reason I'm here.

To learn the wisdom from those that walked the path before me.