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unarmbears ( member #7480) posted at 1:03 AM on Sunday, January 1st, 2012
Bump
Happy New Year! 
FBS-Me, 67
FWH-Him, 62
2 Sons 33 and 38
2 Daughters 36 & 31 And 5 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 3:46 PM on Monday, January 2nd, 2012
Bumping to page 1 again. Such wisdom here!
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
MammaMia ( member #34030) posted at 6:10 PM on Monday, January 2nd, 2012
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And to a new us!!!! Wiser, and making us the number one!!!
And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 3:23 AM on Friday, January 6th, 2012
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
Fighting2Survive ( member #28410) posted at 12:01 AM on Tuesday, January 10th, 2012
Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces
Edie ( member #26133) posted at 9:18 AM on Friday, January 13th, 2012
triangle ( new member #34522) posted at 6:07 AM on Saturday, January 14th, 2012
Bravo and Bump.
My mistake early was not taking a decisive stand after coming out of shock.
Be decisive, Firm, fair and yes loving as you can.
You must get transparency and an open willingness of comittment to move productively forward otherwise you are doomed.
Establish and define for yourself your boundary and stick to it. if you say something. Stick to it and stand by it otherwise they will exploit you further in many cases.
Love the post. Wished I had seen this...so does my STBxW, whos about to get served next week.
I am broken and not happy, but this is the right thing for my family.
ME-BH 45
Her-WW 45
DD-7-4-11
EMA PA
Married 22 years
3 awesome teenagers
On the way to D, its over.
jenny97 ( new member #34567) posted at 11:48 PM on Monday, January 16th, 2012
Lost and Betraye ( member #33988) posted at 5:15 AM on Saturday, January 21st, 2012
Great stuff, always worth a bump!
Me=BS 50; Him=WS 46; Dday 11/10/11
Married 13 years; together 20
Kids: DD11;(2) grown boys/men from my previous marriage to a WS
Status: Divorcing
"The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post" L Thomas Holdcroft
gma56 ( member #19595) posted at 11:45 PM on Sunday, January 22nd, 2012
I think I posted on this thread but wanted to add one more thing.
I think most of us BS make the mistake of begging and compromising what we need to heal and R with the WS.
I wish I hadn't been such wimp, weak, and whining woman.
I wish I had done and worked hard on the 180 . It would have given me time to clear my head somewhat and make better decisions.
I would have made WH work for me and the marriage. Earn the gift of R I was offering.
He didn't and now we are divorcing. He couldn't/wouldn't do the hard work and one person (me) couldn't save it myself.
I deserved better than he was offering (rug sweeping)
I couldn't forget what I know now about the kind of man I married. When they show you, even after decades of marriage, who they are, believe them.
Whatever you do, don't make decisions without thinking long and hard of the consequences.
gma
BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.
gma56 ( member #19595) posted at 11:45 PM on Sunday, January 22nd, 2012
double posted 
[This message edited by gma56 at 5:48 PM, January 22nd (Sunday)]
BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.
solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 11:53 PM on Sunday, January 22nd, 2012
I wish I'd seen the seriousness of initial breaches of fidelity in my marriage, instead of permitting myself to be convinced to minimize them.
I wish I'd had faith that I could have managed, alone, with one child---and left the VERY FIRST time my husband was unfaithful; if he'd chosen to R, and worked toward it, we could have given it another go, but not taking a firm stance harmed me in the long run.
I wish I listened to my gut---while my mind has sometimes come up with the wrong explanation for my gut's alarms, my gut itself has never been wrong.
I wish I had gotten IC sooner; I wish I had been less wounded, and therefore better able to comport myself with dignity after my last d-day.
I wish I had seen that my marriage was not worth reconciling, that maintaining the status quo was a mistake, and that I was worth a whole lot more than I ever received.
I wish I'd confided in loved ones sooner; their support has been invaluable to me.
BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams
brkn_heartd ( member #30396) posted at 1:26 AM on Monday, January 23rd, 2012
I wished I would have kept my sources secret. I also wish when I found he broke NC, I would have left for a few days....I think both things would have changed where I am now.
Me-57 BS
Him 65-WS
Married 38 yrs, together 40
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10
AttemptStrength ( member #27947) posted at 6:08 AM on Monday, January 23rd, 2012
BS me
WS him x2 A's
1 autistic DS
I'd never have spent the money on a wedding dress if I knew I was just going to a costume party.
lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 4:31 PM on Tuesday, January 24th, 2012
bump
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 12:49 AM on Thursday, January 26th, 2012
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
unarmbears ( member #7480) posted at 3:36 PM on Sunday, January 29th, 2012
FBS-Me, 67
FWH-Him, 62
2 Sons 33 and 38
2 Daughters 36 & 31 And 5 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie
Cee64D ( member #21836) posted at 7:28 AM on Sunday, February 5th, 2012
bumpage 
The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 8:52 PM on Friday, February 10th, 2012
bumping for newcomers to SI
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
LisaP ( member #15088) posted at 1:16 AM on Monday, February 13th, 2012
Me BS
Divorced!
~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown
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