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I truly believe that is what my husband is going through now. I think it started about 18 months ago when he bought the expensive sports car. Then he started to worry about looking older. Started to color his hair, so the gray didn't show, tan year round, and workout even more than before! Then about 4-5 months ago an EA. After talking to another male who went through MLC and A, his story and ours is parallel.

I absolutely believe they are real. What Wh did was so textbook MLC, and everything he said he was feeling at the tiem fit as well.

I remember telling him that it was a MLC right after D-day and he was SO pissed, lol. Months later, he finally recognized it.

Coasterider,

Yea, I do wish it was a little red sports car with a Greek sailors hat but sadly--it was a little black sports car with a 16 year younger whore sitting next to him.

I think the term "mid-life crisis" is legitimate. It IS a time when males go through a re-identity of some sort as they face middle age.

It is just like adolescence, pregnancy, post partum and menopause or even college graduation...these life cycles do bring on a new set of feelings and perspectives as we go through them.

But is it really an excuse or an acceptable catalyst for making such destructive choices??

I think it is more about mlc being a 'transition' cycle, like any other one of life's passages...except that when it descends on a man who hasn't developed a strong set of ethics and boundaries, or the ability to face his insecurities or disorders...or just simply can't face his 'age-reality'...and since he can't fill his lacks, he then meets up with a willing OW, also deficient in ethics and boundaries...

It then can be the perfect storm.

I also think mid-life crisis is not gender specific. Plenty of females use affairs as an emotional face-lift for a sagging ego.

I think it's reality.

My WH is also text book, two motorcycles, little red sports car, women. He even wanted to get his ear pierced.

My greatest fear is that by the time my WS realizes it's a MLC and comes to his senses, it will be too late and our divorce will be final!

I'm going to buck what appears to be the general consensus and say: No...I don't beliieve it's reality. At least not the reality that is portrayed in the media, psychology books, etc.

I had my reasoning for this all mapped out and ready to post...but Wewillmakeit did it for me.

All the issues associated with a "midlife crisis' are simply LIFE. How people deal with it (whether as innocuous as buying a red sports car...or swinging your pecker around/spreading your legs) is what gets the attention of others. It's an inability to meet life's vicissitudes in a responsible and adult way.

....just sayin'

[This message edited by Kuwaited at 8:26 PM, December 29th (Tuesday)]

My WH is a textbook case, too. He bought the sports car, got into running and refused any advice or suggestions from me. If I said he'd like this book, or might like a certain movie, Nope, no way was he going to like it. He even told me he didn't like some things I cooked, that he'd adored for years!

He acted out like a spoilt teenager, rebelling against his parents.

Unfortunately, OW was having a ML crisis of her own, after being recently divorced and moving to the UK. I curse the reunion party that brought both of them in contact with each other.

Only now can WH see his behaviour and hers was so irrational.

I was having the menopausal crisis at the time. All I wanted to do was cool off, eat and try to catch my scattered thoughts. For me, having an affair was laughable!

This is my overly simplified way of looking at midlife crisis.

Age + Wisdom + Mortality / Human Factor = Midlife Crisis

Age is self-explanatory but could also be defined as time. Wisdom generally consists of knowledge, understanding, experience, discipline, discretion, and intuitive understanding that are gained as we age. Mortality is the innevetable death that we all must face.

The human factor is simply my way of expressing the unpredictability of life. Some people (men AND women) experience midlife crisis and some people do not. To further complicate matters, not everyone who experiences midlife crisis will have affairs but the infidelity slant is to be expected here, all things considered.

I do find it interesting that some people tend to think that midlife crisis is somehow a crutch or an inability to cope with the changes in life. Granted, some people may try to use midlife crisis as a means of justifying their actions and others may have a genuine inability to cope with change but those factors can easily be attributed to many other sources.

As to the inability to cope with change, I see it as being quite the opposite because the actions of someone who is experiencing midlife crisis heavily favor the desire for change. New car, new job, new clothes, new look, new partner, new friends, new house, etc... are all forms of change.

Anyone else wish it'd been a red sports car and a Greek sailor's cap?

ooooo, this just made the quote thread. Dev thanks for this and toonice you guys just nail it well here.

bumpalicious.

Toxic shame, Bradshaw’s works are good, is the majority of the why I believe so many of us are here, trying to understand what has happened in our worlds…victims of symptoms then, we try to set all in place (brains being fundamental organizers, putting the organ in mental) construed and created, naturally, to do just so, better fixers face forward and in spite of the cruel blows. It shows.

(in my case unfortunately)

Definitely reality. Like others ExH bought himself a motor bike at 50, insisted on building a new house full of possessions and expensive fittings (up to then had no materialistic desires), dyed his hair, changed jobs and started travelling again, found himself a girlfriend/mistress who was 24 years younger than him.

Odd because he often laughed at those men years before he did the same.

Inability to cope with change.

External validation.

I like those. I think it explains my husband.

He hit 40, and started dressing better (he went to the Mall to get younger, hippier looking outfits), boots from Aldo. Kept wishing for a sports car. Recently thinking about a motorcycle.

Obsessed about his hair.

I told him I love him. I love the old him. I don't like the new and upgraded version. He laughed. And then he cheated.

Now he obsess about the gym and muscle building and eating the right diet.

MLC is very real. I don't care that my counselor said it's myth, for me MLC is the only explanation why the man I married is no longer there. There is the new and upgraded version of him and I don't like him one bit.

All the issues associated with a "midlife crisis' are simply LIFE. How people deal with it (whether as innocuous as buying a red sports car...or swinging your pecker around/spreading your legs) is what gets the attention of others. It's an inability to meet life's vicissitudes in a responsible and adult way.

Crisis my ass. It's life. Deal with it!

Crisis my ass. It's life. Deal with it!

Dealing with it is precicely what I am doing. I am also maintaining a POSITIVE attitude and finding CONSTRUCTIVE ways to cope with it.

Dealing with it is precicely what I am doing. I am also maintaining a POSITIVE attitude and finding CONSTRUCTIVE ways to cope with it.

Yes....but this isn't what we're talking about.

When we speak of midlife crisis, we talk, almost invariably, about senseless….childish….irresponsible…harmful….stupid behavior. Seriously…I can’t recall a single discussion about someone’s midlife crisis and their ensuing benevolent behavior.

We're talking about someone giving themselves a "pass" for fucked up behavior by saying it was a midlife crisis.

More power to anyone that takes a screwed up situation (at any stage of life) and makes something good of it.

More power to anyone that takes a screwed up situation (at any stage of life) and makes something good of it.

Hey K! Thanks! I need all the power I can!

MLC- yeah there is negative connotations with the entire package of chemical change.

I believe MLC are a reality. I went through one myself, at age 39, when it hit me that I hadn't accomplished in life what I thought I would by that age.

It's how a person handles the crisis that matters. I did a lot of self examination and figured out that while my life wasn't remotely close to what I thought it would be, it was still a damn good life and I really was happy with where I ended up.

Stbx, otoh, fits the stereotypical MLC, except he already had the muscle cars and motorcycles. So he had the added element of btdt and needed a bigger fix, I suppose.

In any case, the manner in which he chose to deal with his life issues was destructive, not only to him, but to me, our children and our family.

When we speak of midlife crisis, we talk, almost invariably, about senseless….childish….irresponsible…harmful….stupid behavior. Seriously…I can’t recall a single discussion about someone’s midlife crisis and their ensuing benevolent behavior.

Many people may automatically assume that someone who is experiencing midlife crisis is thinking about having an affair but nothing could be further from the truth. That's the "infidelity slant" I mentioned previously, which is not unexpected, considering the territory.

More power to anyone that takes a screwed up situation (at any stage of life) and makes something good of it.

Having problems is only human. It's how we deal with them that makes them good or bad.

In my case, I would sooner chew my own arm off than have an affair as a result of midlife crisis. Buying a new truck is another matter but I am financially prepared for doing so and have been planning it for a number of years.