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tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 5:39 AM on Thursday, July 29th, 2010
[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:33 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]
PhoenixReborn ( member #22135) posted at 12:55 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2010
Glad things are looking OK TCMM.
Although IMHO, now that things are entering the legal arena, you may want to be very careful with how much detail is posted publically, just in case you tip off STXWW and hurt your case.
It may be prudent to keep legally sensitive details info privately in you private journal locked from everyone, unless specifically seeking public advice..
I am sure others with much more experience than me will help you here. Maybe I am still paranoid after my ex...
PR 
Me - XBF 40 (Fiance)
Her - XWF (who cares)
# Always trust your Gut - I didn't and am now regretting it. #
-Only give up when you won't regret giving up.-
feelinghurt10 ( member #28600) posted at 1:06 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2010
just a bit more than 3 months ago, things were on the surface good. I felt that our relationship and life was stable, and in just 12 short weeks I am dealing with this shit wondering what is next.
I hear ya on this one!! Isn't it amazing that in the blink of an eye, everything you once knew as safe, loving, and comforatble can turn into this massive pile of destruction from which we can only hope to dig ourselves out?
Sometimes I equate my situation to a natural disaster ... it happens and you are left to pick up the pieces and move on with what you have left.
It's a tiring task for us BS.
Sending strength
(((TCMM)))
Me- BS-51. Dday #1 4/3/2010 ; Officially divorced - 10/26/2012"No matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow." ~Maya Angelou
osxgirl ( member #8795) posted at 1:08 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2010
I'm with Phoenix on this. Given some of what we've seen in this thread, I'd venture to say your STBXWW is reading here. No need in giving her a heads up in what's coming her way.
As much as we'd all like to hear how you're doing, how things are going for you, and any good news you have like this, right now is a good time for discretion on here.
Come here and vent, and if you get good news, by all means come here and share... but keep it generic. I don't think the venting is a big deal.. she knows what she did, so you repeating it is no big thing. But for the good news, you can always say that you got some more good news from the lawyer, and things are looking up, and you'll share details when the time is right.
We all understand that.
Sharing things you know she knows... no problem. But anything she might not or you know she doesn't know... think twice about it.
You can still get the support you need here without the details.
tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 1:21 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2010
[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:33 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]
osxgirl ( member #8795) posted at 1:35 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2010
It's understandable. When you're going through this stuff, you need to talk - about everything. It sucks. You just need to be heard. And have someone understand what you're dealing with.
And most of the time, most people can post all those kinds of details here. This is supposed to be an anonymous board. But when you get "outed".... or you think your WS might find you here, it's just good to be careful.
I know my X found me here. Of course for me, it was well after the D was over with, so the only thing that was an issue is that I was NC with him and had no desire to be approached by him on here, for a whole lot of reasons.
So fortunately, I didn't have to worry about what he saw affecting the D settlement. But a lot of people on here have had to really watch what they say for exactly that reason.
I think as long as you keep in mind that she may be watching, you'll be fine.
And my prayers and thoughts are with you.... I know how much all this hurts....
MadhatterMama ( member #26953) posted at 7:40 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2010
TCMM
Another thing to keep in mind is that you can choose a few trustworthy people - either here or in person - who you KNOW are firmly in your camp and not in touch with your WW and use those people as your support base for ANYTHING you just want to talk about.
However, I agree with the others that now is the time to limit publicly posting sensitive details.
We are all firmly behind you for whatever you need!
(((Hugs)))
"The sun never says to the earth,
'You owe me.'
Look what happens with a love like that.
It lights up the whole sky."
-Hafiz the Poet
You will never know how strong you really are until you have no options but to be strong...
tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 1:39 AM on Friday, July 30th, 2010
And............I'm out. I've had enough. The detriment has outweighed the benefit.
cjonesjag ( member #10617) posted at 1:40 AM on Friday, July 30th, 2010
Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live
realitybites ( member #6908) posted at 2:06 AM on Friday, July 30th, 2010
Stop expecting loyalty from people who cannot even give you honesty.
He stopped being my husband the first time he cheated. It took me awhile to understand that I was no longer his wife.
Crushed1 ( member #6449) posted at 3:17 AM on Friday, July 30th, 2010
TCMM, hope you're ok, sending good thoughts out to you.
~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH
glasvegas ( member #22639) posted at 4:04 AM on Friday, July 30th, 2010
Hey buddy, hope everything is OK.
jasper ( member #28168) posted at 6:29 AM on Friday, July 30th, 2010
Holy crap. I've been gone from SI for a few weeks, but I'm catching up on this thread. TCMM, I hope all is OK. You've really been tested and remain an inspiration.
osxgirl ( member #8795) posted at 2:04 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2010
TCMM -
Wow. Don't know what happened. If you need to "talk", PM - you can PM me, I'll be happy to listen, or if there's someone here you've gotten comfortable with, PM them.
In the meantime... I can understand not being able to take it anymore. Have you talked to your lawyer about the implications, though? I'm just worried about what might happen with the house, with the kids...
Sheesh, this all just sucks, any way you slice it, I know. I'm just trying to think of what's best for both you and your kids.
I know you're doing what you can do. Maybe after a day or two to cool off, you'll be able to head back? Regardless, you should try and find out from your lawyer what will be the implications of you moving out, and how you will handle visitation with the kids, where the kids will stay when and such.
Hang on, TCMM. You'll get through this. I know it seems like a long road now, but things do get better eventually.
(((((TCMM)))))
inknots ( member #22132) posted at 2:10 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2010
I did not take his message to mean that he was moving out of his house. I took it to mean something happened here and he is leaving SI. I don't see anything in this thread that could have triggered it but I don't know.
TCMM, I hope you and your kids are ok. I am worried about you.
osxgirl ( member #8795) posted at 2:29 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2010
If that's the case... know TCMM, that the mods work hard to make this a safe place for everyone. Since there wasn't anything new in this thread.... well, again, know that a lot of different situations have happened to people with posting on here, having angry WSs reading, threats, you name it. It can be handled, and there are people that can give advice.
I just hope you are still reading this, at least.
We're all still here for you, when/if you want....
cantbelieve ( member #22028) posted at 3:55 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2010
((TCMM))
I hope you are okay. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
Me: BS (61)
Him: WS (61)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
DS(30)
DD(26)
DD(23)
Married 32 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again
feelinghurt10 ( member #28600) posted at 3:59 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2010
((TCMM))
You're strength is an inspiration to all of us. We're all pulling for you.
Hang in there ... hope you come back soon.
Me- BS-51. Dday #1 4/3/2010 ; Officially divorced - 10/26/2012"No matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow." ~Maya Angelou
tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 3:29 AM on Saturday, July 31st, 2010
[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:34 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]
cjonesjag ( member #10617) posted at 4:00 AM on Saturday, July 31st, 2010
Take a break and manage what you *need* to tcmm... SI is "always open" and you already know that your support team will be waiting.
You're wise to be cautious too..
Look forward to an update in the future.
Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live
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