SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

TCMM, please do take care of yourself. SI is a wonderful place to vent and get understanding and advice, but I completely understand how sensitive your information is right now, especially as it relates to strategy and emotional state. It's sad that this could be used against you, but I think we're all realists here.

Please do find a support system in your community and with friends and family. None of us can walk through these times alone, and you have a huge amount to bear right now. My good thoughts are with you and your family.

Besides...we have been thru 2 Sequels..and we mean SEQUELS of your story. We get connected in a weird way here at SI, so when you are ready you can start part 3. Goodness knows we are patient around here.

But when you are ready, we REALLY want to know. Good luck and stay stealth.

Thank you TCMM for easing our concerns. We really do get involved in the people on this board and genuinely concerned for them. There is a woman who posted for a few months and stopped posting in June of last year, I still worry and wonder and watch for her.

Take care of yourself and your kids and mother TCMM. We will always be here if/when you need us or want support. Even if you can't tell us what's going on, you can always ask for support and we can rally around you in a moment. We have a way of doing that.

You ARE doing the right things, and the weight will soon be lighter. (((TCMM)))

Thanks for the update, and like everyone here said, do what you need to do to take care of yourself, your kids, and your mom.

And we're always here when you need us.

And as I've encouraged before - do take advantage of the PM feature to develop a few relationships on here to stand on in the meantime. It's not quite the same as being able to post to the whole community, but having a few good people to bounce things off of and get support from could still really help you while you're going through all this.

Good luck, TCMM, and we'll all be praying for you and your situation!

I have followed your story from the first post until now. Please do whatever you feel needs to be done for the sake of your family. I have so much respect for you and the way that you have carried yourself. When the time is right and you feel the need to post again, we will all be right here, just for you.

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:34 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

Ok, if she's "gone" can't you talk to your attorney and change the locks on her? I mean, if she's abandoned the marital home, can't you ask for sole possession through the courts? Can you file an emergency hearing with the judge?

Bender. Awesome.

TCMM,

I'm glad you are posting again.

Where are you at with the six months waiting period? By all means, check with your lawyer who can give you the best information.

I'm very sorry about your mom. I can't imagine how difficult it is to have that kind of stress on all fronts. Consider getting some type of assistance for her as well, as caregiver stress can be overwhelming. You need to have time away to cope as well.

She is acting like the spoiled child she is. I cannot imagine how much emotional strength it is taking to put up with her petty bull shit. The only thing I can say is just keep reminding yourself that she has fastened herself to a loser, and in the end she will go down with his sinking ship.

Been thinking about you (((TCMM))) glad you are posting again.

Sorry to hear about the added stress of dealing with your mom's health and now the continuing vultures too.

You are a good man. You are a strong man. You are a great father. I do not see where you have let anyone down.

Stay strong -- glad you are back!!

Oh boy, you really do have too much on your plate right now. The added stress of the vulture second family is truly a gift from the depths of your personal hell.

Big hugs. That's all I have to offer.

tcmm, she is a tramp plain and simple. She is in love with MR.Tailer Park unfit man that has a dive shop/ paintgun supply store, lots of potential there. Once your divorce is final she won't be able to afford the rubber snuggies for her ponytail. The justice is she will be out of your life forever soon. Funny how love can mask the real person, all these years later and now she is showing you her real identity. This is not the woman you share your retirement money with, this is not the woman I see you with on the beach in Cabo St. Lucas. Thank God she showed you now.

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:34 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

Good to see you back.

As others said...go talk to your lawyer. She's been taking off from the marital home EVERY week for days on end, ignoring the kids from the start. You take off for one weekend and she wants to say you are abandoning the home??? Run to the lawyer tomorrow. 6 month waiting period or not, there has to be something that can legally be put on paper NOW to end this part of the hell for you and your kids.

Keep documenting everything.

{{{hugs}}}

I thought you were describing my ex for a moment, I wonder if they are related? Mine chose a looser too, I think that there is a tread about that on this site about how they affair down. Funny how she took our big home on 4 acres for granted, the brand new Acura she drove to see OM that I paid for for granted. The private school for her two boys from a previous relationship that I paid for for granted. The nanny and daycare for OC that I paid for for granted. In the end all she got was thrown under the bus by OM, now she has none of these things. On the other hand things have gone better than expected for me. I again have a large home outside of town that she will never step foot into. To this day I remain unlisted, no address so she can never find me. Your wife's new boyfriend won't last 6 months from the time you divorce. I doubt that boy friends business will survive much longer in this financial enviroment without your 401k cash injection that she thinks she is getting. I guess she just has to hit bottom first before she gets it, wait a minute, old out of shape dude, living in a trailer park, paintball supply store and emporium, how much lower can it go? I guess she could get pregnant?

TCMM.... Believe me... When her reality slaps her upside the head you'll be sitting at the beach laughing...

I saw it with the ex... The starry eyed, hopeful, "we can live on luv" look turned into dark circles and a look of shock... By the time she had the reality of the OM's anger pinning her down in a front yard laughing at her I was kicking back with a gin and tonic enjoying my great friends...

You'll make it through this shit... I planned a trip for shortly after I caught her and I had moved out... Maybe that's something you can do... Research places you've never been to and plan for a little get away... It did wonders for my attitude to having something just for me planned for when I didn't have to eat the shit sandwich my ex had been feeding me for four months....

The song that I played in my head throughout the discovery and confrontation phase was the Eagles... "I'm all ready gone"...

WB

to his credit, he decided to say with “old dad” as opposed to go with WW and creepy “new dad”. Her actions seem to be having the most negative effect on him. He is morose and sullen

I, too, am really glad to see you posting again, but very sorry your life at the moment is so difficult.

I don't remember - does your son know that you are not his biological father. If so, I'm wondering whether his depression is not only because of the breakup of his parents' marriage, but because he would prefer to stay with you and is scared of the very real possibility that he will not be able to do so. His refusal to go away with his mother and to come to the phone to speak to her seem to me to indicate that he may be trying to tell you both his wishes without actually haveing to express them. I really feel for him, poor lad. As well as for you.

I know almost nothing about custody issues. Is there any possibility that you might be granted custody of your son as well as your daughters? I wonder whether it might help for you to reassure him that, even if you aren't able to get custody of him, so that the two of you can't have physical contact for a while, he is your beloved only son, and you will always love him and never abandon him?

[This message edited by Cally60 at 3:39 PM, August 15th (Sunday)]

I understand the depression you are going through. I think all of us here went through it at some point during the divorce phase of infidelity. What you are experiencing is normal, and yes, it will end soon enough. I can tell you that life WILL get better for you.

My ExWH thought he was waltzing into the sunset with his OW, and OMG his life did nothing but go to hell in a handbasket afteer our divorce and he paired up with her. All the gory details are in my profile (warning it's long).

But my point is that these people are empty and damaged, and they foolishly expect the new OP to make them feel whole and to make their life better.

NOT.going.to.happen.

They don't get the fact that they need to fix themselves.

Many of us BS's, myself included, go on to better lives. In fact, as soon as I got away from my ExWH, I felt better right away, and everything improved. My financial life improved (he was draining me), my friendships and social life improved (ExWH annoyed them and they later admitted that they put up with him because he was attached to me), my relationship with my two sons improved, my relationship with my extended family improved (they hated my Ex), my love life improved.

I know it's very dark today, but it WILL get better for you, sooner than you think.

Ciao

TCMM,

Like may others, I have been glued to your posts from the start. I too am dealing with a bitch of a WW and having the A thrown in my face from the beginning. Please stay strong and continue to post. Believe it or not, you are a source of strength to me...not because you are going through anything worse than I am, but mainly because you are almost a mirror of me right now.

I echo the rest of the group in stating that you are going to be better off in the long run. This is what i tell myself too. It seems impossible right now for both of us, I know, but there is a big world out there and there has to be a ton of women in the world who do not act like our WW's do.

I have let my thread die almost because I feel like giving up. I saw yours today and feel like posting to keep mine alive too just because YOU made me realize that people on the site care. I actually smiled when I saw your post "bumped up" to the top of the page. We are almost on the same timeline.

So many people want to see you come out of this and I include myself in this number. Hang in there brother, you are not alone.