SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So it all went down today. We are separated, she is moving out and we agreed to approach the new phase as parents working together for the benefit of our beautiful kids. I can't tell you how much it crushes me to see that this has come to fruition.

She totally freaked out, and I mean totally freaked out, on our discussion of signing the divorce papers with the old "adultery" cause checked off. She spewed venom saying she would take everything if I filed based on adultery.

As much as it hurts, I know it is the best thing. To be honest, I think she is totally whacked. As I was leaving, she said "so are you going to hook up?". WTF!!! I couldn't believe it, but I guess that's where her whorish mindset and ideals are at now. Guess she is now free to bang her boyfriend as much as she wants now without any guilt.

For me, I don't know what comes next. First and foremost, continuing to be a loving father who is very active in my kids' lives. I hope destiny leads me to the woman of my dreams. Through the mistakes I have made, I have learned so much about what it takes to have a successful, nurturing marriage, and am excited that someday a woman will join me in giving and receiving true, FAITHFUL love.

Tremendously scary right now being on my own for the first time in 17 years. Holy Shit!!!

Hugs for the ladies and high-fives for the fellas that have opened up and provided all of the tips, feedback and encouragement. I hope to pass that info on to the future poor folks that join this unglorious club. Peace to all.

[This message edited by msk99 at 4:44 PM, August 25th (Wednesday)]

You're a good man, coach (guessing hockey, eh?)...you can wander on over to the D forums for continuing good advice.

(Newbies have to bring cookies...and beer, at least that's what they told me when I landed there).

Continue taking care of yourself. I admire your strength and insight. You are a fine man.

Look in the mirror... that's a MAN staring back at you.A STRONG man that no longer will accept a life of falsehood. She NEVER deserved you. NOW she'll get the taste of hell she deserves! CONTACT OM's wife!! I think you'll need her "in your corner." Good Luck! I know those big balls you grew are heavy but stand up straight!

I feel your pain. Look your fears in the eyes and you will no longer see fear.

Now is not the time to back down from righteousness--keep that "adultery" box checked on your papers. The saying goes something like "hell knows no fury as a woman scorned"; I say BULLSHIT!!

I am more of the "what comes around goes around" mentality because I think I would go crazy if the wrong go unpunished.

Your WW, like it or not, is on her own path to destruction. Maybe she will come to her senses as this heads toward D, and when she reaches out to you, you may or may not help her. That is your choice and your choice only.

As for everyone else posting here, I will reiterate--tell the OM's wife. You know it is the right thing to do; it has nothing to do with revenge. She deserves the same support you are receiving here if she is unaware that her husband is a WS.

I'm sure you will encounter momentary bouts of weakness and self-doubt, but all I can say is you are MUCH stronger than I was at this point in your M. Hell, you are still probably stronger than I am today. Good for you. I hope this is less painful than you are preparing yourself for. Like cuckold said, only one person in your M is able to look at themselves in the mirror each day--and that is YOU. Good luck-stay strong.

Much like everyone else I am devastated. I just confirmed my beliefs about an A 3 days ago. My husband moved out of our house on July 11 and he said it was because he was unhappy. I recently discovered a text message he sent talking about the OW and how she wanted to meet his parents but she was afraid of being judged. I am so diasppointed in him. He was never like this. I assumed that his unhappiness had to do with what was happening in our lives. He lost his best friend in a tragic accident caused by another friend, he was transfered from a job that he loved to a job he hates, our oldest daughter just left for college, and I'll admit that we werent as close as we used to be. Not to mention that money is very tight. I found out that they started the relationship after he moved out. We have 2 other children (14 and 9). I have so many emotions running thru me. I dont know if any of this can be repaired. We went to a marriage counsler today and he said that he cannot counsel us until the OW is out of the picture. He says that he left for himself, not for her, but the counsler advised him that he couldnt make a clear decision with her in the picture. The worst part is that he doesnt know if he wants to try to work things out. He said that I neglected him and pushed him into the A. I do feel responsible. My children are suffering, and he just doesnt think it is realted to him. I am seeking the advice of an attorney because I want to know what my rights are. We have been married for 18 years. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I cant think of anything else but them together, and it makes me feel sick. Is there any hope? Why cant he see what a huge mistake he is making, and why dont I hate him??? I love him and would be willing to start over, to forgive...... I am just so confused, and heart broken...

Again thanks all for your thoughts (jjct you are bang-on, a hockey coach I am) and support. Totally weird day, ended up going to the local Chapters bookstore after work, grabbed a latte (I know not exactly a manly drink, but they don't serve budweiser there) and went to the self-help section. Picked up a book on dealing with breakups and moving on to a bigger and better self. Came home and got the jogging gear on and went for an amazing 5K run (amazing because I am 5'10 and about 210 lbs, not exactly a marathon's build but whatever!!!). Got home and guess what? WS was at home having a glass of wine in the living room. Another WTF in a big day of WTF's. Went for a long shower, cleaned up and she is now in my bed as I am writing this.

A screaming WTF!!!!!!!

It's not over until it's over. Hope your tomorrow goes better.

Wow, I can't tell you the relief that I feel now. I guess getting to the point where we agreed to separate, I basically set her free. At that point the focus was all about her. Had feelings of jealousy (for being with someone else), anger, sadness. Just one day after I seem to be so much happier (not sure if this is just a phase), and am just focusing on me as a man and what I can control from this point forward. I am totally fine if my WS wants to screw every man in town, its her choice.

Essentially I have been able to cut my emotions from her quite abruptly. I know dealing with the kids will be so difficult beyond words, and I am preparing to deal with that with all the strength in my body. That being said, it feels like I've dropped a piano off my shoulders that I feel I have been carrying for the last few years. Am I setting myself up for something bad here, or am I just realizing I am a good person who has just been through hell and have learned from my mistakes to help me from this point forward? I have read so many posts here that it takes months, even years to get over this sort of experience. Is this relief I am feeling REALLY relief, or is it a calm before the storm?

I agree you are on the right track, but what is she still doing there? What's the plan with that?

She volunteered to move out, so I'll help her get her shit together and move her out of the house. She's definitely finding out I am serious about this and no longer accepting the role as a doormat for her. She wanted out, now she's got it. If it takes a few days to find a place where her and OM or any other man for that matter can get their freak on, I'm fine with her staying temporarily, but there is a deadline in place where she needs to be out.

glad to see you are taking action not only for yourself but for your children. But here is my question to you have you contacted the OM's BW if not, why not? Another question here is have you exposed the A to anyone if not again why not? The people who post here are experiance in this matter if they are telling you to expose the A to the the OM's BW do so. She has the right to know whats going on and by exposing the A to some friends and family it makes the A more difficult to carry on. Once the OM's BS knows about the A the OM will throw the WW under the Bus in order to save his own M. Don't let her blameshift the reason for the A on you. It was your WW choice to have an A let her face the music. focus on yourself and your children.

Way to go man, stand up for yourself, time to take the garbage out.

You are going to be fine, coach.

The piano-thing...

It's completely valid, it is a great thing for you to finally - actually begin feeling the strength and freedom of you own self.

Just take the shot! Don't worry about it going in...

lol

Something else to consider...

You may want to "help her" get out in a bigger hurry, as in ASAP.

1. It is predictable (in so many cases here!) that they'll be scheming to take as much as they can from you. It's 2 against 1.

2. You might expect bargaining to get back in with you once the OP farts, belches, or scratches his ass.

ESPECIALLY when HIS wife knows.

3. There's nothing in the world like poppin a Molsons...ok ok, a latte if you want!...and sitting back when their fantasy wears off.

Don't know what happened after you posted that your "estranged' wife was in your bed but i see it as another attempt by her to control the situation and the relationship. Time to find a place to stay?...MOTEL! Many vacancies as we speak! She probably feels scared to death by the size of your balls but may be taking the route of " the best defense is a strong offense." to get in your bed, seduce you and once again you're putty in her hands. I think you're stronger than that now but had to mention it.

As others have said, don't relax. get your share of the finances, possessions etc. secured. get a good lawyer behind you and CONTACT OP's WIFE!

[This message edited by cuckhold at 1:34 PM, August 27th (Friday)]

You are doing fine. Be very careful not to let her bait you into an argument where she can call the cops on you and get an RO. We've had a few women here who pulled that to get hubby out so they could move OM in.

Also you need to notify the OM's wife about the affair. The affair may be the reason their marriage is failing - no matter what they claim.