SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

One year ago, right after dday, when stbxwh left me and our newborn to be with his real "soul mate" - everyone said "just wait. He'll get his. Karma is a bitch".

There were days I thought karma would never happen and it's all just wishful thinking. There were days I thought if karma did happen it would happen too late. There were days I felt like screaming at anyone who even mentioned the word karma to me.

Stbxwh was in the hospital for 2 days this weekend after becoming dehydrated and sick. Why? OW broke up with him because she found someone else.

Over the last week he has acted emotional - in ways that seemed like something was up. Crying when seeing my mom and apologizing for what he did. Sending me random texts to apologize and ask if I could talk (I ignored all). Then cancelling his parenting time because he was sick and wanted to go see his mother (who has barely talked to him since dday)

when my MIL called to say he was in the hospital - there was a numbness that hit me. I called my sister and she laughed hysterically and said "I told you that he would get what he deserved!". She then later posted on Facebook that she was so glad karma does happen.

My reaction?

Karma sucks as much when it happens as when it doesn't.

This does not make me feel any better. Relieved that I may never cross paths with ow - as I feared for a year? Yes. But happy about "karma?". No. The man I married and loved so much being in the hospital as yet one more outcome of this mess - it doesn't make me feel happier or better or any more healed about what happened.

It makes me feel more numb.

The stats are so against them ever working out, cheaters cheat, it is never long before they are looking for new excitement. Once your in a relationship with then, you become boring, they look for what they had with you when you weren't available. Don't become his fallback position.

{{{aNewReality}}}

I understand this completely.

I am unable to wish this man ill, who has stepped on my dignity, my soul, my life, for years with his lying and cheating.

I do not like him. Or love him. I am angry. I am numb today too, though. But in the end, I do not have it in my heart, my soul, to wish him ill. I cannot use my anger to imagine bad things happening to him. I could even easily allow myself to descend into hatred of this man.

But I won't. No, Karma does not help us feel good, as it does not help us heal. What helps us heal comes from within each one of us, with recognition of our own dignity, worth and value.

Maybe neither of us feels very dignified today. See the numbness as our brain's ability to allow us some time to recover. There are actually medical research studied that look at this very subject: the benefit of the numbness whenn in a horrifying situation.

Know that there are so many who care. We are different here on the forum, as we give of ourselves. But there is also time to take for ourselves too. And all of that has to have nothing to do with the x, or soon to be x. Karma wishes don't help us, or those who are so broken.

Find the love around you. It's there.

TJ

[This message edited by tammyjean100 at 7:14 PM, September 6th (Monday)]

I don't think you should feel sorry for him. It wasn't destined to last; the statistics are not good for couples who start out due to infidelity.

But, we are talking about a man who is having a breakdown for being dumped by OW. Shouldn't he have had that reaction to losing YOU?? Sorry, but I think it is good that he is feeling a bit of what YOU went thru...JMO.

Hi,

I just wanted to chime in on this. My STBX had a breakdown last year when OW moved away and went NC with him. It was awful - he ended up in the psych ward because he kept talking about overdosing on pills.

Fast forward one year later - OW out of the blue contacted STBX and he was on the next plane to see her. All of this after he sent me a boatload of texts and e-mails asking to get back together and telling me he wished he'd never met OW, etc.

So, my advice in that regard is to please be careful with your heart.

I agree with you, however, that I do not wish ill on him. It is hard for those close to us, like our friends, siblings and parents not to feel differently. Those who love us truly do not want to see us hurt. So, when the karma bus comes around and hits the WS, they often aren't very sympathetic.

Big hugs to you - I know this is tough.

[This message edited by mommyblonde at 5:10 PM, September 6th (Monday)]

Reading your responses is very helpful at this moment.

bigpicture3236 - what you wrote about him having a breakdown over ow dumping him rather than losing me - I think that is what made me feel nauceous and more disgusted.

mommyblonde - I was thinking that today - that who knows what went down between the two of them and she could reappear anytime.

I will continue nc and keep my heart close. He is getting nothing from me. I spoke to him earlier because I thought he was calling to address the parenting schedule for tomorrow. He went on about being sorry and how good he had it and ruining his life for this other person and hitting rock bottom, etc. All the textbook things others have experienced and wrote about on SI.

I told him that aside from communication about our son, do not contact me. I think this whole weekend just stirred the proverbial pot and brought back all of the horror and trauma from this past year. I don't feel sorry for him - his choices led him here. I guess I feel that he's added another layer of pathetic to this whole mess and that makes me numb.

Wow!! Good postig nite. My WW is going to have surgery in two weeks for pain in her thigh. I told her it was from the(position THEY did it),Now she has a heart arythmia that she has to have more test's done. And my WW is slim, athletic, and goes to the gym daily. I never did, but NOW believe in the Kharma Bus I should not be joyfull but I can't help it. I DO feel sorry for her.

I told him that aside from communication about our son, do not contact me. I think this whole weekend just stirred the proverbial pot and brought back all of the horror and trauma from this past year. I don't feel sorry for him - his choices led him here. I guess I feel that he's added another layer of pathetic to this whole mess and that makes me numb.

Good for you, sweetie!! stay strong--this is HIS mess, not yours. Continue on living a happy life without his mess...

Yes, good for you! Keep it up!

If you have any doubts about how fucking horrible "karma" can feel, read my thread in NB.

My ex has a degenerative brain and neurological disorder.

There is NO pleasure in others pain. No matter what they have done to us.

Only those who are evil delight in the suffering of others.

-D

[This message edited by Defiance at 7:10 PM, September 6th (Monday)]

There is NO pleasure in others pain. No matter what they have done to us.

word

I do not believe in God.

But I have to say to the last two posts:

Amen.

TJ

aNewReality,

You sound like a caring and kind person. I think you've got a very healthy perspective on this, and sounds like you're standing strong. Good job!

Just a note about the fact that he got so upset about losing OW and not that upset about losing you. Given his calls to you, his apologies, and crying when he saw your mom, I bet his emotions don't just have to do with losing OW. He's realizing how much he gave up to be with OW, and he can't stand it. As long as he and OW stuck it out, he could pretend like it was all worth it. So much for that charade now....

Stay strong.

what incredulous said.

he gave up a lot to be with his "soul mate." The strong feelings that he believed they had for each other justified his cheating behavior. When that defense fell apart, a lot of guilt comes crashing down.

Thanks for the reminders that i might be slightly missed, shown by the crying and calls. Helps the destroyed self-esteem a little bit.

I guess I realized this weekend that nothing changes if karma happens. I don't feel "better" and I don't feel like healing will now come faster. It all feels the same. I still feel violated.

I will keep up nc and continue to move forward. It's amazing how textbook and unoriginal his words were. Kind of makes nc a little easier.

What a great crowd of people in this forum. It would be SO EASY to hate people who have wronged us and not only CELEBRATE their pain when it comes, but WISH for it. But as someone else posted, only EVIL people relish in the pain of others. I don't wish I'll to my stbxw as she is the mother of my children and any harm to her will cause more harm to my children and NOT help me whatsoever...

Best of luck to you all. I hope we all can find some much needed (and deserved) peace and joy in life.

I don't believe in karma in the sense that if you do bad things, then bad things like disease and illness will happen to you. But I do believe that how you treat people comes back to you in the way in which others treat you in return. And that's exactly what happened to aNewReality's stbxwh. He got treated the way that he showed the OW that it was acceptable to him to treat people. Maybe he'll learn a lesson here.

Sorry, but I think it is good that he is feeling a bit of what YOU went thru...JMO.

Agree 10000%.

I want to say that when the STBX's have "breakdowns" over losing OW...

It is also about losing everything else whether they go deep enough to realize it or not. The reason they then run and jump if OW calls again? Is to be "right" about all they "sacrificed" to be with OW.

Such is what happens when you toss one person for another, when you avoid mourning the end of a marriage by jumping into a new relationship.

They are not emotionally evolved enough to process relationally, which is how the A's came to be in the first place.

Our WSs view love in a warped fashion- you love someone based on what they do for you or how they make you feel.

That's not healthy and cannot last or remain happy even if it does last.

I'm not saying all WSs are this way forever, but many of ours who never even tried to R, or never stopped blaming us for their A's are this way.

It's why they have the break down over the person who inspired the worst in them while only validating the best in them. They miss that validation. So often times they try to come back toward us to get it - but it's still always about THEM.

Oh- and I'm still in the severely angry stage and definitely wish STBX and MOW their Karma- with a little disclaimer that myself and my children not be anywhere near that bus when it arrives.

I totally get it.

On one hand they deserve to suffer. But on the other hand when it does not work out with the AP then you have to wonder- was it worth everything they destroyed?