SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I agree with another poster, it is one thing to say the words, but actions are what will make the difference. If Jekyll tells them he expects them to treat you with respect but then allows them to make the comments and talk badly to you, then they won't believe what he is saying and will continue. He needs to make the stand, a stand to protect and have your back, always! If they can't play nice, then they don't get invited to your house. It needs to be a united front.

With that being said, you have every right to go wherever you want that would make you have feel at peace. It doesn't matter what he will have to tell them. Maybe the truth, that is what I vote for. Maybe something like, "She needed to not be here because she will no longer tolerate the disrespectful way she is treated by you". There is nothing that says you have to continue to submit yourself to abuse and remain in a toxic environment. It is about talking care of you.

Sorry, it does sound like your H has not been able to cut the apron strings, and continues to legitimise their demonisation of you through avoidance of any conflict.

Has he ever just simply asked his mother if she is jealous of your role in his life? And whether she actively seeks from God absolution and help to fight that jealousy, so that she can be more humble and christian in her life?

I'm sorry, personally I cannot see that his 'anything for a peaceful life' attitude is helping anyone here. Maybe one strategy might be that he write down any negative comments or lectures into a notebook in front of them each time they are made. When asked why, he could tell them that they continue to be unaware of their judgementalness, negativity, lack of generosity, love, acceptance, tolerance etc etc. (whatever), and so he is recording their remarks so that they can see the extent and effect of them?

Telling them that he knows that they are 'nice' people so maybe they are just blind to their persecution of you, and so would appreciate seeing how partisan and undermining their behaviour is?

He should handle this by himself, for himself. His mother should perhaps be made aware that her own control issues mean that she is forcing a choice between you, and that she has the power within her to embrace you as a daughter and not a rival.

And you should have a lovely hot stone massage, and a swim, and a sauna, and another massage, and a facial..and.. a glass of wine...and another massage...and ..

I rarely reply if I haven't read an entire thread, but I'm short on time and wanted to say this.

I dealt with a LOT of crap from my MIL. My FIL died when H was 16 and MIL turned to H to take care of her. She told me to my face that I had stolen him from her.

Anyway, she was nasty nasty nasty to me for years. She always waited until H wasn't around to unleash her venom. Because English is her 2nd language, H always thought it was just a 'misunderstanding' on my part.

We had been married almost 17 years when he actually witnessed it first hand. He stepped in and told her that if she was trying to make him choose between her and me, she was NOT going to like his choice! He said he would never make me be in her presence ever again.

For the next 8-1/2 years, I neither saw her nor talked to her on the phone. NOTHING. She was no longer allowed in our home. Period. As much H's decision as mine. I did, however, encourage H to visit her. She is his mother afterall.

Five years ago we had an overnight layover in her city. H asked if I was willing to stay the night with her. If I had said no, he would have gotten a hotel room, no questions asked. But I told him if she was okay with us there I was too.

She agreed to H's command that she was to treat me civilly. We actually had a very good visit. We have been to see her several times since then. We have learned that 4 days is her absolute max for good behavior. So we usually stay 3 days or so. For the last couple of years, they have been very nice visits. But she KNOWS H will be on her like white on rice if she steps over the boundaries we have set. It pretty much keeps her in line.

Knowing that H is firmly in my corner helps me when she slips us and makes a snide remark to me. He and I usually laugh about it later and no harm done.

From my experience, I sincerely believe that if Jekyll would step up to the plate and just tell them he will no longer tolerate their treatment of you, and call them on it each time it happens, it will stop.

Until then, stay away from them.

Spa weekend....here I come!!!!