SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

One of my bbf's had lapband surgery 2 years ago. She and her partner were married a year ago after being together 9 years. Weekend just gone I helped her rearrange her house as her husband has moved out.

She made him leave because he has had 6 EA's over the last 8 years and he started deleting his call history 2 weeks ago and causing big fights so he could storm off in a huff.

Red flags were waving and now that she has lost more than half her body weight she isnt going to put up with it anymore. Good for her!

It sounds like lapband/bypass patients have gotten counseling prior surgery about how relationships may change, increased attn, etc. To u ladies that have had implants or are thinking about it, did you getwords to that effect?

If my wife decided to have it done, I am definately looking into it.

We know a couple where the H took out a loan for the wife to have her breasts done. Shortly afterwards she left him to 'find herself'. Turns out she had already found a male co-worker on her last business trip.

That was about 5 years ago, they're still separated, not living together, not divorced yet. According to him there's too much real estate jointly owned and it would be too complicated.

My ex went ahead and had the implants done against my wishes, I got stuck with the bill. She started cheating as soon as her 36 double D's healed, men swarmed her. I will never date or get into a serious relationship with a woman that has implants that aren't because of medical reasons. Having the need for implants is one of my run triggers. It tells me that they are seeking attention. I don't care how big they are, I'm all about the real thing.

I got implants in '86 when I was 38 (still have them..they were the safest ones on the class action lawsuit). A bit about me. I was/am attractive with a good figure except for the breasts. For those who remember, I envied Twiggy breasts, hehe,...think Kate Moss. I went to the best plastic surgeon for our area & he determined because of my body type, I should go no larger than a B cup (I was thrilled!)

At the time, I was on the end of my 1st marriage. I never cheated on him, but he was an arrested sexual deviant, so you could say he cheated on me, but that had nothing to do with my decision. It was something I wanted to do for years if it ever became safe (past the point where it started with women injecting silicone).

So the timing was right & I figured I'd better get it done while it could still be afforded, because I had no idea if, as a soon to be single mom with custody of 2 soon to be teenagers, the money would ever be there again.

Outwardly no one really had an idea because I wore insanely padded bras (before the wonderbra's), but it sure was nice fitting into clothes naturally & being able to wear tank tops in the summer..previously a no no. About the only thing I seem to remember the doctor asking about was whether I was doing this for me or someone else, like my husband and whether he approved or not. To which I replied, it was definitely for me, that I'd felt like a mutant for too many years.

So that's my story and I'm sticking to it

I think I'm with hurtbs...

...when people go through a dramatic life change...

I'm the implanted...and the cheatee, not the cheater. Had a large weight loss, got a tuck and refilled the boob empty skin while I was at it....

And got no counseling of any kind. Good doc, IMO, but he never even suggested it. It simply would not have occurred to me to cheat....

Gastric bypass here - never cheated, never will.

If I'm ever able to afford the reconstructive surgery, you're damned straight I'll have it and I'll have it for *me* alone. And I wont' cheat.

I wonder what the statistics are on women/men who *gain* weight or age or sag and have affairs?

Skanks and scumbags are skanks and scumbags no matter what their bra size/waist size is.

Hope4

IRunWithScissors wrote:

I have implants and I would never cheat. (I didn't have implants when he cheated...not that that matters....)

I think if a woman is going to cheat, she is going to cheat regardless of the implants.

I think a woman who would cheat would do so if someone gave her any type of attention, whether or not she had implants.

I believe that everyone has the potential to cheat, under the right (or wrong) circumstances. (In fact, I think that people who say they would never cheat may be in greater danger of doing so, because they may not erect boundaries against it, since they don't think it's a danger.)

If I'm right about the "right circumstance" theory, it would stand to reason that what constitutes the "right circumstances" would vary according to the individual. Evidently, for a lot of women the "right circumstances" are a sudden and unexpected flood of male attention following a boob job.

[This message edited by ThatWasFun at 12:20 AM, September 21st (Tuesday)]

Studies indicate women with implants have about 4X as many sex partners as women with naturals. They also tend to drink a lot more alcohol while they're feasting on all that new attention.

My plastic surgeon does address patients' emotional needs related to changed body image. Even his website tells patients to expect a struggle with the changes, and encourages them to enlist help (and states that he and his staff will help with this).

Apropros of nothing:

(In fact, I think that people who say they would never cheat may be in greater danger of doing so, because they may not erect boundaries against it, since they don't think it's a danger.)

I see this kind of statement a lot--and disagree strongly. Some of us really do have very firm boundaries. Some of us do, in fact, know that infidelity will never be part of our personal landscape--not because we're naive, but because we've got those boundaries (and they've even been tested).

Though we can understand how many of our WSs engaged in infidelity--they're only human, made the wrong decision, etc.---I think sometimes we comfort ourselves by saying "it could happen to anyone in the right/wrong circumstances."

But no, it couldn't. It couldn't happen to anyone. It can happen to anyone who doesn't have the boundaries. But lots of us do have those boundaries.

[This message edited by BetsyBG at 6:38 AM, September 21st (Tuesday)]

I agree with hurtbs:

It almost seems like they go through a second adolescence in terms of a newfound interaction with the opposite sex - they have a new awakening of how their body makes the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on your persuasions). It's like being 14 years old again and realizing that you have a new power over people and the attention feels good.

I certainly saw it in my wife, and in our friends who have had implants. Their intentions were good -- recover their body after pregnancy, doing it for themselves, having the full support of husbands, etc... but hurtbs hit it on the head. Though their initial intentions were all good, things change.

Several posters say they would never have affairs, even with implants, and that is what everyone says (with or without surgery), "I'll never cheat, not me." But then the circumstances / temptations arrive, and things are different and people get caught up in what they swore they never would.

Think about it. When a woman gets implants, there are three parties involved: the implant recipient, their spouse, and everyone else.

The recipient feels better about themselves, feels more attractive and has more confidence in social situations.

The spouse who truly loves the recipient will be supportive because he'll see the benefit to the wife, and because that's what loving spouses do. He'll continue to truly love her, but love her no more or less than before, as true love isn't based on boobs.

Ant then there's everyone else -- including every potential affair partner who is initially attracted by physical attributes, by shapely figures and confident personalities -- things that are now present and maybe weren't before.

So the husband's love is constant, hasn't changed, because it's not affected by the new atributes. But the wife feels better, and everyone else reacts better, but the husband hasn't changed. This is a recipe for increasing the situations and the temptations that lead to affairs.

BetsyBG -- I'll agree with you, that for some people, it just will not ever happen. But for many who might believe that, it still does. On our wedding days, 99.9% say it will never happen to them -- many are right, many are not.

I would argue that, for those who get implants or go through some other major physical change (weight loss, etc...), instances of infidelity definitely increase (all else being equal). I wonder if there are any studies on this?

I believe that everyone has the potential to cheat, under the right (or wrong) circumstances. (In fact, I think that people who say they would never cheat may be in greater danger of doing so, because they may not erect boundaries against it, since they don't think it's a danger.)

Sorry on the t/j, but I totally disagree with that statement.

While I agree that not everyone is the same, and not everyone has the same standards, I know myself.

I managed to go into my marriage as a 22 year old virgin (OH MY GOD!) 18 years go.

I resisted various girls trying to get me to go horizontal with them many many times. I had one girl walk something like 5 or 6 miles to my house to get my to go walking in the woods with her at 15, AND she brought a blanket with her and I had no one at the time that I owed anything too.

After my WW did what she did, I had no less than 15 women that I can remember come on to me at various times. 6 were Red heads. 4 were built so well that they would make a grown man cry.

One of the red heads I worked with, she traveled down to my office, wasn't married, and had a hotel. I had to work mandatory overtime "late" with her every other Thursday night for two years during my WW antics and sometimes I wouldn't get home before 10 or 11pm and her hotel was on my way home. Yet I STILL never took her up on her offers and she made sure that I fully knew she would do me in the office late at night when it was only the two of us working that late.

I had another woman bound and determine to show me her tattoo that she had near her crotch as she cornered me coming out of the bathroom and tried to push me back in at a party.

I've had so many countless times to get even and do the same I couldn't believe it. I've had friends who knew what my WW did tell me to get a little back and she'd never know. I had one guy "set me up on a blind date" without telling me and I still didn't go or do it.

So no, that's not me. I've been tempted with strippers, hooters girls, women who were competing in miss fitness competitions from my gym, and extremely HOT coworkers and I never gave it honestly more than a passing thought.

It feels wrong, it feels creepy, and if I managed to go my life without breaking my personal integrity for over 30 years (since I was 10) there are never going to be the "right" conditions where I could do it.

I can only speak for me, but I find it funny you would say "everyone" has a point where they would cheat, they've just not reached. There are some where it's so offensive that it would never be considered. I view it like I would stabbing someone. It is something that I would never be able to bring myself to do.

[This message edited by JustSoTired2 at 11:25 AM, September 21st (Tuesday)]

In our situation, I'm the one that had surgery 3 years ago (before we dated but we were friends at that time). He's the one that cheated. So I'd have to say I disagree.

I do know 3 people though that had gastic bypass in one of the partners in the relationship and that person had an A. Luckily one of those couples managed to work through it and stay together.

[This message edited by notasaint at 9:46 AM, September 21st (Tuesday)]

Often, a previously obese spouse gains a "voice" after years of feeling less-than. S/he becomes less invisible---not just to the opposite gender, but to him- or herself. Increased confidence can result in demands for appropriate treatment within a relationship.

This was my sister's friend to a T!

...when people go through a dramatic life change...

I also agree with this.

But back on topic by me

A guy I work with wife had implants and a tummy tuck and decided she wanted to start competing in body building contests.

So now she:

-Started cheating on him (I knew she already was, but he refused to believe me until lately)

-Leaves the family home almost every night. Well 4-5 nights a week, to go drinking with her single friends (Male and female)

-Has asked for a divorce, wants to leave the family home, but expects him (her husband) to furnish her a two-three bedroom apartment and pay her monthly bills so she can live the single life on his nickel.

-And does nothing with the family any more. She's the mother of 3 but claims she's going to fight for primary custody, but spends all spare time at other peoples homes (male and female) or at Bars

But I've known them for 15 years, and this all started soon after her surgery and men started hitting on her a lot.

She said she wants to "explore" herself before she turns 50-60 and can no longer do it. She's 42.

[This message edited by JustSoTired2 at 9:50 AM, September 21st (Tuesday)]

Hope4TheFuture,

I did a quick Google search before starting this topic and never found any 'hard facts/research'. Just observations or articles that broached this topid but no facts to back it up.

That is why I posted to get some SI feedback.

I believe that everyone has the potential to cheat, under the right (or wrong) circumstances. (In fact, I think that people who say they would never cheat may be in greater danger of doing so, because they may not erect boundaries against it, since they don't think it's a danger.)

Maybe in general, but I think the betrayed spouses on this site who say it can pretty much be believed as we have our eyes WIDE open as to how much infidelity fucks with your life.

I don't think anyone is arguing that there is a threshhold by which everyone would cheat. We're just saying that each person has a threshhold, and that cosmetic surgery tends to move people closer to it, and moves many over that threshhold where they would not have otherwise been, had it not been for the implants, gastric bypass etc....

JMHO:

In many cases, but obviously not all, people (men and women) who have self esteem issues AND have a lack of introspection look to "fix" the exterior appearance rather than look within to fix the source of their issues.

Once the cosmetic "fix" is complete, they project who they fantasize themselves to be, and in the end destroy the person underneath.