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So my IC tells me I am living with PISD. Anyone else been given the diagnosis? If so what are you doing to help yourself?

Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder is the tailor-made adjustment to the diagnostic term of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.

Frankly, I think we all get it post D-Day. That's what triggers are all about, after all. Discovering the betrayal of infidelity is a trauma of immense magnitude as you know. To go from believing you are cherished, loved, honored in a solid, enviable marriage to a wonderful, special soul mate who 'has your back' to finding out that all the above was bullsh*t, nothing, a false reality, etc.....hard to imagine worse trauma. To me it's really like standing beside your spouse and having them gunned down in front of your eyes. Instantaneous destruction. Plenty of fodder for PTSD/PISD.

What to do to help yourself? First, I think it's beneficial to understand the magnitude of the trauma, not accept the minimization of infidelity as given in popular culture. Second, having a community like SI where you can openly share your fears in a non-judgmental, accepting, and helping group is therapeutic. If you are R, the triggers should not be yours to deal with alone. In my situation, they are 'our' triggers. I have not stifled my feelings or held back in sharing my triggers with my FWH. I think if I did, I would feel angry, bitter, and resentful that I was left bearing the burden alone from something he did to us. He understands that when I bring up triggers, it's not just an excuse to rake him over the coals again, but rather to diminish the trigger and keep communication open between us....ultimately far more advantageous a strategy for R.

(((lulykr)))

I think it is worse than watching your spouse gunned down in front of you.

PISD is roughly equivalent to what you would experience if you lived through watching your spouse, who up to that point you thought loved you, gun you down. And then being told you it was your fault. And witnessing the not-so-subtle gossip that perhaps you did something (behind closed doors, of course) to cause the attack. And then everyone just expected you to get on with it. Yesterday, already.

Yes, I have symptoms. My counselor has treated me with EMDR therapy. It's an amazing process to go through, and it works quickly.

I've done it several times, usually two or three times close together. It does help so much. I know I have more of it in my future, as there are things I still haven't worked out.

If you have more questions, please ask.

Compartmented

Fellow PISD'r here, also doing the EMDR treatments.

EMDR has really helped me a lot! No magic pill mind you, but it really is helping me to dig deeper, and purging some of the anger and pain.

I was feeling rather "stuck" in my healing. H is doing everything he can to help, but it isn't enough. I need help dealing with the hard shit.

Maybe something to ask your IC about.

Compartmented & whydidyou, I am also going for EMDR, but I'm not sure it is working. Sometimes right after EMDR things seem better, but then about 4 or 5 days I have a setback. I seem to recover more quickly from triggers, but thats about the extent of it. My therapist is doing it with sounds and tones, I'm wondering if you are doing it by rapid eye movement, and maybe it works better that way? Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks.

I am also going for EMDR, but I'm not sure it is working. Sometimes right after EMDR things seem better, but then about 4 or 5 days I have a setback.

Actually that's normal. Some people experience strong emotions in the days following a session while their minds fully reprocess the trauma.

I am a huge believer in EMDR. It really helped me. I also did a special kind of group therapy called DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) alongside the EMDR. My IC wanted me to be learning the distress tolerance and emotion regulation skills they teach on DBT so that I could emotionally handle the stuff that gets kicked up in an EMDR session.

The combination of DBT and EMDR has, quite literally, changed my life.

Dealbreaker...

We are using the hand held buzzers, therapist controls the intensity, the buzz/vibrations shift from right to left hand. Seems to be working really well for me.

lol, always have been a hands on kind of gal I guess, so maybe that is why it works for me.

I like having something visual as well as tangible to hold on to. Right now we are doing once a week treatment.

Hope this helps. Feel free to PM anytime.

Mine is using rapid eye movement with me.

It does seem to mostly get me unstuck. New feelings or new ideas start to appear after doing it.

Once, after the EMDR, I started with a new PTSD symptom of exaggerated startle reflex as I'm falling asleep. It's still happening some, although sleeping aids mask it. Ninety-five percent of the time it happens is when WS is next to me as I'm trying to go to sleep.

It's not like EMDR is causing this though. It's more that it gets me unstuck. Before the startle reflex, I had images of a massive iceberg of pain, and that has gone away.

Ok, now I'm feeling weird.

Compartmented

I had classic PTSD symptoms, which equate to PISD symptoms. Some of them still flare up time to time. Recognizing is half the battle to dealing with it.

Yeah!

I'm pisd off, who wouldn't be?

Hey the good news is, I heard it's only temporary.

jjet

I too had a good laugh when IC said I was PISD. Well hell yes I'm pissed. Then she explained.

I'm wondering about this myself. Dr. has not said anything, but I have most of the symotoms I've read about for PTSD.

'Where do I go to learn more?

My first suggestion is EMDR. See if you can find a counselor who can do it. Also you can google it and read about it there.

I have bought a new meditation CD called "Healing Trauma (PTSD)" which I have just started. I am only learning to meditate (currently using "Meditation for Beginners" from Gaiam), but I'm finding it very interesting. This new CD seems like it will do me some good. I got it on Amazon.

Compartmented

PISD is roughly equivalent to what you would experience if you lived through watching your spouse, who up to that point you thought loved you, gun you down. And then being told you it was your fault. And witnessing the not-so-subtle gossip that perhaps you did something (behind closed doors, of course) to cause the attack. And then everyone just expected you to get on with it. Yesterday, already.

That is spot-on. When I found out about the affair it was like my husband died. I have experienced the real death of family members... my parents, grandparents, niece, best friend...but D-Day devestated me more than anytime in my life.

I guess the only good thing that came out of it is that when WS does die it probably won't hurt me so much because in my heart he is already dead.

I was diagnosed with PTSD or I guess it would be called PISD now. I was given EMDR therapy which helped. I think it was not totally successful because I was also diagnosed with PMDD which if you never heard of it is basically the Mother-of-all-PMS attacks. I am on YAZ which is a life saver (don't use the generic version...that doesn't work as well).

So I have emotional scarring but it is mixed with a chemical disorder that has kept me from fully recovering.

But I would have to say to you that EMDR therapy will probably be best. My therapist also gave me some music that must be listened by earphones because it sends two different signals to the two ears and stimulates different parts of the brain. That helps calm me.

At night I couldn't shut down my brain so I was given Klonepin which is a panic attack medication to calm down my brain at night. That helps.

[This message edited by DMS88 at 8:16 AM, December 6th (Monday)]

My C suspects I have it and I'm now seeing someone else (upon her recommendation) who should be able to confirm. No treatments yet as I've only seen her once so far.