SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

On a lighter note the Hall of Fame has 500 usd's of mine for a beautiful leather jacket that no longer fits

We would take our teams there many years at seasons end. Great place for kids of all ages

I am going to t/j my own thread to say WOW...not everyone knows how FAST that is, but it is really really fast, enough to win smaller local marathons, definitely in the top half-percent of all runners. I managed a 3:26:14 full and a 1:29:40 half...and then got back on my bike.

I'll continue with this t/j since it's a nice trip down memory lane for me as I often replay that last race in my head :)

I had researched the entrants in that race and figured I was probably good for 3rd.

There were two brothers from Arizona that were faster than I and I guessed that at least one was targeting sub 2:30 as he had come close in a couple previous races.

Sure enough, they both shot out ahead of the rest of us from the start. Turns out, after chatting with them post-race, they hit the half at 1:14:high. I ran in a pack of about 5 others for about 10 miles, but it dwindled down to just two of us (a local rival of mine and myself) by about mile 13.

I was still very sure I could outlast this last guy. This race was very flat and after the first 5 miles or so, consisted of an out to mile 16 and back; on the way out, I saw the two brothers still together, coming back.

I dropped the last guy shortly after mile 16 and had a lock on 3rd place, as I suspected. Right at mile 25, a buddy of mine, who wasn't with that original pack of 5 I mentioned, passed me, telling me as he went by, "You look great!"

I shot back, "WTF are you talking about? YOU look fantastic!" I mustered everything I thought I had left to keep up with him, because, well, I wanted 3rd badly! Not a chance...he put 40 seconds on me in the last 1.2 miles. I got 4th...crossed the line and immediately puked twice in the bushes. Ouch!

I congratulated him and sought the two brothers to find out how it went for their finish. The faster of the two broke down at the end and got 2:32 and the other REALLY tanked and got 2:38. He told me he was clocking near 8 minute miles and was taking really LONG looks back as he figured someone would roll up on him soon. If I had run the race I thought I could have, I would have gotten close, but in actuality never even got near enough to see him in the distance.

My buddy that got 3rd, hit the half about 40-50 seconds behind me and ran near dead-even half splits, whereas I ran 1:30 or so slower in the latter half.

I was told by another, later, that rival that ran with me until 16 was very set on 'teaching me a lesson' in that race; he was so angry when I dropped him, he apparently had a mental meltdown, started cursing at aid station crews, kicking things and eventually DNF. Childlike if you ask me.

The marathon is a tough beast; gotta have respect for both the race and your competition :)

T/J: Wow, I'm a marathon runner but y'all are superhero marathoners. JEALOUS.

Feb...You think your kids will prevent her from taking up with the OM? I thought that. WH saw OW when he took DS on a trip across the country. Dropped DS off with his Mommy to babysit while he went and got a hummer in the car. Nice.

She has demonstrated how much she cares about her kids. She showed you what her priorities are. Learn from that. Not saying not to go out of town. Go, enjoy it. Don't text/call/email. But have the tools in place to show you if she goes back for seconds.

I am concerned about how you seem to divide her into ww vs. w. She is WW. She's not another person. THe woman who cheated, who ditched her kid on her birthday, who told you you didn't sexually satisfy you, that you weren't attractive to her...that's the woman who is in your house...laying on the floor pathetically attempting for hugs.

Really? WTF.

Not saying you can't R. Or shouldn't R. Telling you...WATCH OUT.

it is official...I hate both of you! :)

I am a former BodyBuilder turned Triathlete (244 lbs)....and a slow one at that....and both my marathons were in the 4 hr range :(.....

but I look good doing it!

Keep a smile Feb....it helps...

LOL! I bet you look fantastic.

But, as a former body builder, you should know full well it's all about specificity.

While I'm a decent cyclist, I don't have the proper leg strength to bust out a fast time-trial.

No doubt, with your weight training and now tri training, you are in amazing physical shape. Also, at 244, you are clearly full of muscle mass.

Me? Training for my last 2 marathons, I averaged 92 running miles/week over a 52 week period and at 6'-0", weight 154 pounds...so you'll never catch me on foot! :)

Sorry to hijack Febs Thread...but I kow he would get a chuckle out of it...

yes...244-246...bench in the 400s still....trying to get some of this muscle off...

my buddies tell me that during a 5K...it looks like a bunch of little people running from the in monster in the back...heh...

t/j continues

Quit that triathlon shit right now, before you turn all your Type II mass into Type I mini-mass.

I admit that it is fun to be the only guy in a pack who actually has a male physique, but my knees paid the price. A word to the wise, as it were.

ETA: Sarcopenia is coming on soon enough. It's damn tough to put muscle back on after 50.

[This message edited by palerider at 2:44 PM, April 5th (Tuesday)]

I admit that it is fun to be the only guy in a pack who actually has a male physique, but my knees paid the price. A word to the wise, as it were.

Yeah, gotta be careful there. I'm sure a primary reason I can pound out 100 mile weeks at 40 years is because I'm a twig.

But I don't know about your version of 'fun'...I'm thinking it's way more fun to hit the podium!

Of course I realize that somehow my ego got all skewed into thinking it's cooler to be fast than ripped

trust me....I will never lose this shit...i had 21 inch arms 5 years ago...only lost 2 inches in 3 years of running/biking/swimming...genetics. No injuries either...except splints a few times....you lose what you gained through drugs..what you gained the right way stays along time...I competed at 275 (Hvywt) and took a few titles at tested shows...so I have lost 30 or so in muscle, but have settled here

for real though...i look funny as hell in a Tri suit...or a sleeveless Bike jersey...

I wish i could pound out 90 a week...I can do about 35-45 at best before stuff starts to fall off...hence....slow..i love it though...beats body building hands down...

sorry peeps...we are just providing banter while waiting for Febs..

[This message edited by Running In Place at 3:32 PM, April 5th (Tuesday)]

A few comments

I was never a bodybuilder, but when we first married, I could do the "4 big plates" (before they made 10 pound coloured ones, I mean..the 45 pounders, plus the 45 lb. bar = 225)a couple of times while weighing 170 lbs.

When I got competitive about bike racing, I realized that I would have to let that upper body go, as it was too hard to haul it uphill. My wife told me at the time that she thought I was a little too pumped and that she like the lean look..so I had "permission"...I am down to 150-155, and when I'm in shape (sadly, not now)

A few comments

I was never a bodybuilder, but when we first married, I could do the "4 big plates" (before they made 10 pound coloured ones, I mean..the 45 pounders, plus the 45 lb. bar = 225)a couple of times while weighing 170 lbs.

When I got competitive about bike racing, I realized that I would have to let that upper body go, as it was too hard to haul it uphill. My wife told me at the time that she thought I was a little too pumped and that she like the lean look..so I had "permission"...I am down to 150-155, and when I'm in shape (sadly, not now)

You were right. It went underground after D-Day. She told me right then and there

Thing is...you knew this already! You were suspect that the affair was dormant or had gone underground from what OM1 had told you!

Why am I bringing this up? TT....The R killer!! Some would say that TT is worse than D-day and I would have to agree with that, having gone through it myself. I'd hate to see you go through that.

So, be prepare for more TT to come out as the days go by and more info starts coming out, (from the other bs's) as their WS's start spilling there guts to save their own ass's.

I like many others have also been keeping up without commenting, one because I'm pretty new here and two because everyone else is giving you wonderful advice.

I just wanted to say to try to focus on yourself right now. Indifference was the best thing for me. I am a 'fixer', in combo with having a lot of love for my spouse even when he's not loveable. That makes me look for things that aren't always there - 'filling in the blanks', as another poster mentioned. I see this happening in you, too. Do your best to focus on you. Progress is best measured by what she is DOING, as others have said. It's so easy to get sucked into what they are saying when you want it so badly.

I also wanted to recommend a book "How Do I Forgive You?" I got the rec from here and it's right up there with Not Just Friends. I wish I had it soon after D-Day, as I gave Cheap Forgiveness to keep life stable for us. It would also be a good read for your spouse so she knows what is necessary for true forgiveness.

Best of luck to you, we are all wishing the very best possible outcome.

So have you received confirmation that you are attending the out-of-town for work?

Assuming your wife is out of the A, you might want to have her take a look at the book recomended here

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=399548&HL=28301

So far so good for Geauxtigers

Oh and if you haven't mentioned you know about the $5K, this would be a good time.

[This message edited by longsadstory1952 at 5:36 PM, April 5th (Tuesday)]

Oh and if you haven't mentioned you know about the $5K, this would be a good time.

Yeah, the money would be better spent on shrinkage rather than tummy enhancement... or "mole removal" as some people call it.

Not a good time...

She is a wreck, wants therapy right now, says she needs drugs (never ever been one to medicate if at all possible). I offered her the Lorezepam (Ativan) that I was given for sleeping 6 days after D-day but never took.

I'm a little scared for her. She's on the phone with a friend, one of the few she can talk to about this.

I sense we're staying together, but that we are in for a very difficult road ahead.

Our kids now definitely know there is something wrong. Our 4 year old daughter had tears in her eyes telling me "Don't go away Daddy." Our 9 year old wants to know what we're fighting about.

This sucks.

This seems all backwards. You are the one who should be a wreck and she should be working to keep you together--not the other way around. I am not saying that the BS should be insensitive to the difficult time that the WS experiences over the A, but this just seems ridiculous. Others have pointed out during the course of this thread that all the attention is focused on her. It still looks that way, from what you are describing.

What brought on this episode?

My guess is she broke NC and got thrown under the bus.

This is the part of the story where she falls flat on her face....Let her fall Feb. She needs this as much as it sucks.

I tried to not cross the bridge with the kids also.(that didn't last long). I was hoping to protect them. And it will cause some pain for the kids, and maybe she will think twice next time before "SHE" chooses to do this again.

Hey at least your wife is fighting for you at some level, mine just rolled out.

Hang in there bro!

She is a wreck, wants therapy right now, says she needs drugs (never ever been one to medicate if at all possible).I'm a little scared for her. She's on the phone with a friend, one of the few she can talk to about this.

Its OK bro.....i see this as part of the "process of hitting rock bottom"....its hard to see your wife do all this....but in order to get help - the first thing they have to do is realize that "they need help"....It can be a "humbling" experience for the WW...this is when the fog begins to lift...this is where they realize just what they have done to you and your marriage - and themselves....again it is a slow process...

My FWW went (in a few months) from "ILBINILWY" to literaly making herself sick even thinking about the OM and what she had done (im talking dry heaves) to me, herself, and our marriage. Only then did she realize the full impact of what she had done....she was harder on herself than i could have ever been on her....

For several months i was in a "holding pattern"....i verified everything.....trust - but verify....and ill never, ever...have my head in the sand again....

Actions speak louder than words, bro....

Bufffalo

[This message edited by bufffalo at 8:10 PM, April 5th (Tuesday)]