Now to the reason(s) I post again after so long away...
My head is spinning over all of this, and I really feel the need right now to vent, to scream, to do....SOMETHING so that I stop seeing red.
I posted in a "legal" forum about these issues: about two weeks ago, EGBW emailed WH saying that OC had a derby to register for and go to, which fell on the third weekend of his visitation here. So she said that it basically came to that WH could take him or just let her take him and figure a way to make up the time. In the end, WH decided on the latter.
She also says there is a camping trip in the spring; falling on the first weekend of the month. With this, she has been telling WH that she wants him to switch weekends and take him on the fourth weekend. Problem is, our daughter's choir concert is that evening that WH would have to pick him up. There was a past instance of WH asking her if it would be okay to pick OC up at a different time in order to get our daughter to her concert. EGBW took great pleasure in telling him "NO" and hanging up.
Something to add: they share legal custody, including the right to decide about extracurricular activities. When she mentioned about putting him in Boy Scouts, WH said he might agree IF they could work out a prior agreement for when/if it would interfere with periods of visitation. She didn't agree to anything, and just enrolled him anyway and told WH after the fact. So really, she went against the legal custody by doing that.
When WH told her that we can't promise to switch on dates that she asks, she went off, and started dragging me and the kids into it....even going so far as to say "As [his] mom, I think I have the right to know what your plans are"...meaning what we're doing with our kids that prevents us from picking him up at that time. The thing is, she's asking this about an "off" weekend~ can anyone explain to me how it is HER business to know what we're doing when we AREN'T supposed to have OC?
What really sent me into an emotional tailspin is what was directed at me on the site I mentioned. It was like hearing from the EGBW herself, the same kinds of things she's always said....20 times over. The advice that I got was A. that it was "none of my business" if we needed to upheave or cancel our children's plans because of things that EGBW says OC has to do B. that WH should "just agree with her", let her keep him and take him or C. WH should cancel plans with our kids and go spend one-on-one time with OC instead because "that is important". I got flamed for "blaming the child", getting called "the second wife"
and ultimately told that I don't even have a say or legal rights to our COM. ?!?!?!
Besides the shock and anger over all of this, I am in a state of great confusion right now. I tried to explain to these people that there are no stipulations on WH's custodial time~ it is simply pick up Friday at 6 and she picks him up Sunday at 6. Yet I was told that it was "wrong" and that it could be held against WH that he works sometimes during custody time (yet so does she...) and that we have activities planned for or with our kids. Because that's "supposed" to be Dad's time with his kid, and the court "won't care" about what our kids want to do, only OC. Is this true???? I could possibly even understand about the times our kids' activities are on custodial time, but the fact they have plans OUTSIDE of that time, that EGBW wants to demand we switch for? Are we supposed to never let our kids do anything?
My buttons were pointedly pushed when a senior member of that site made repeated posts about the fact that WH cheated....basically saying "You have NO SAY about your kids because you did not divorce him". I don't understand this~ even if we had divorced, there would still be times like this where custody would interfere~ the choir concert will still be the same date, our daughter will still want her Dad there and he would still want to be there.
And being told that I'm "blaming the child and just want to make him pay"? Such an off-base assumption from those jerks! Going on about how WH is "MORE than half the problem" and that if I have anger towards OC's mom then it is "misplaced"....if these people only knew her! The way I see it, WH is half the problem and she is the other half. I know OC didn't ask for this. I have not and would not blame him for the things his mother says and does (or doesn't do)....those are HER choices and actions.
I am just....livid and extremely upset today....all of this on top of the fact that it is OC's 10th birthday soon.....10 years ago that I was there wiping the EGBW's fevered brow as she was in labor with him...
[This message edited by sparkle76 at 3:17 AM, January 25th (Wednesday)]