SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

And the saga continues...

H came home tonight and showed me a text from OW - she thinks she's miscarrying.

We've been talking about it this evening. He's very distraught - he's caught between feeling sorry that something bad is happening to her (not because he wants to go back to her, and I do believe he's being sincere) and feeling a sense of relief that there may not be a baby after all. I have to admit, I'm feeling the same. I'm having trouble not feeling like a horrible person for being relieved that we may not have THAT to deal with on top of everything else.

But then again, it's something different every couple of days. So, we're proceeding with caution. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

((BrokenHeart))

Don't feel bad for feeling a potential sense of relief, with so much on your plate right now, anyone would be relieved to have one less thing to mull over.

H came home tonight and showed me a text from OW - she thinks she's miscarrying.

You would be suprised how many OWs announce their pregnancy after the MM tries to cut them loose...and then announce their miscarriage.

Now, in her pathetic little mind, she gets to play on your H's sympathy for the miscarriage...which keeps a door open for her...and it seems your H is falling for it.

Most likely she was never pg to begin with. Just another how to chapter in the OW handbook.

((Broken Heart)) - welcome. I agree with coastofsomewhere - she probably wasn't pregnant to begin with. That was my first thought when I read your post about OW telling your H that she was pregnant just days after he broke it off. She is trying to find someway to hang on. Hopefully you both can just focus on yourselves and your M.

Brokenheart39- they do this in an attempt to bring out the "knight in shining armor" in the MM. If she does claimed to have miscarried, there was likely never a baby.

My BFF's H had an A, and the OW did this. Her H broke NC and fell back into the A full force for another 1.5 years, took it deep underground. He eventually found out there was no baby, that OW was crazier than he ever imagined and left her.

Well, as for my sitch, OC turned 4 this past week. Easiest birthday yet. I didn't cry, didn't even mope about not being involved (for the new people, we are NC). I saw pics on Facebook on my stepdaughter's page, and I barely think a thing, the only thing that even began to bother me was the caption; "My baby sister, 17 years difference but she was so worth the wait."

This from the stepdaughter that told me FWH & I's DD was probably not FWH's because I was a "whore", and even if it was FWH's baby, she would be "ugly and retarded" because of my genes (yes, stepdaughter is an adult).

Also found OW's address to her new apt, and we plan to have adoption papers sent there, since she has posted all over the internet that her new H(former MM!) is adopting OC. Hopefully she'll do it, if not it will call her bluff.

June will be 5 YEARS since Dday. We have healed well. I don't even get an adrenaline rush/feeling of dread in my gut when I think of OC/OW (I still hate her fucking guts though for the things she did post A!!! ). For the new members, this IS survivable.

Oh, it also helps that OW is fatter than she has ever been.

[This message edited by Want2help at 8:14 PM, March 21st (Wednesday)]

Thanks to all for the replies and support.

I questioned the pregnancy from day one - felt the timing was just too convenient. On the other hand, I feel like on some level I have to act as if it's true until we know for sure.

The longer this goes on though, the more I do believe she's just doing this to keep stringing him along and keep a door open for communication.

Yesterday she told him she was going to the dr. Today she told him that the doctor said her hormone levels were low, and that combined with the bleeding she was "more than likely" miscarrying. That's twice now that the answer has been "more than likely." And I'm convinced it's because this is her only remaining connection to him.

For the most part, he's been very remorseful and very transparent. He has shown me texts and IMs from her - there haven't been many, thank goodness. He shows me receipts from his lunches, checks in with me throughout the day, and I do think that he's making a genuine effort. Maybe that's naive at this point...

But THIS - THIS is where he fails. She opened the door with the Dr. appointment conversation yesterday, then asked him about some work project - it's not a project they work on together. When I pointed out that she had no real reason to ask him this information - that it should have been posed to her superiors, or could have been answered by ANYONE else in the company, he looked like I had just smacked him on the head with a brick. He really didn't see that this was an attempt to draw him back in.

We'll be discussing this with our counselor this afternoon, but I want proof if she's pregnant - I want the results from the pregnancy test or some kind of confirmation that she's not pregnant. We need closure on this issue so we can try to figure out how move on.

On another note, I am so impressed by the strength of the people in this group. It is truly amazing that in the face of such devastating circumstances we can find a way to make it through. Continued prayers for everyone here that you find peace and happiness.

Here's the thing brokenheart...if she truly were pg and possibly miscarrying...the dr wouldn't just leave it at "more than likely" miscarrying. He would have done an ultrasound to check the embryo sack and heartbeat...depending on how far along she is. With my 2nd child, I began to bleed early on and the ultrasound was the very first thing the dr. did.

This little plan is working great for OW...she is getting lots of contact with your H...and his sympathy/worry.

Be VERY careful of any kind of contact. Your H is freshly "off" the affair train...and it is very easy to get back on it this early in the game and so much continued contact no matter how remorseful he seems to you. Trust me, the OW next step is to get your H to sleep with her again so that she truly can become pg. You wouldn't believe how many times THAT has happened.

Can you afford an attorney to work as your go between so that your H does not have to have any type of contact with OW?

Coastofsomewhere - my feelings exactly! I think she knows exactly what she's doing.

Affording an attorney would be difficult right now, but I'm certainly going to look into it.

Thanks!

I have a questions about an upcoming court date. The initial court date resulted in a temporary order regarding custody, support, etc. OW has been trying ever since to get more money. All required docs. have been sent to court. Twice fWH tried mediation. First time in person (she lives in another state so this is a long and expensive trip). The second time over the phone. First time the judge ended it saying OW was "too overwhelmed" to continue. The second time the attorney said he was leaving, it was a waste of his time as she was totally unreasonable and not listening to what the law even says. So, court date in front of judge coming up in a few months. We can not afford this huge legal fee for prep work and the two days (16 hours) that are scheduled. H is considering representing himself as he isn't really asking for anything that the basic visitation laws already have in place. I would appreciate any opinions on this.

Just an additional comment regarding my previous post: Can you imagine my reaction at her being "overwhelmed". There are so many words that I could type here to describe how that made me feel but I am afraid I would be banned from further postings

ray...it truly amazes me how guillable some judges are when it comes to OW's and their crocodile tears. Overwhelmed, indeed!!!

And I would not recommend your H representing himself...no matter how standard the case may be. Trust me...ow's will make any standard case into a three ring circus if it benefits them in anyway.

I have to agree...while the cost upfront for the attorney sucks, the alternative of a erronous or harsh judgment is MUCH worse. A lawyer can protect your interests. A lawyer knows the law inside and out, and knows the judges, the courts, the system. They cost alot, but they are really worth every penny.

Also, if your H is going to be in the OC's life at all, he should go for joint LEGAL custody now. We learned the hard way it is VERY hard to get joint legal later.

He already has joint legal custody. He first went to court as soon as paternity was established. They did a temporty support and custody agreement. OW has been requesting financial docs. ever since. The little gold digger thought there was much more $ than there was since H owned the company. She is so young and stupid she actually thinks that must mean there is tons of $ that she is entitled too because SHE CHOSE to have a baby. Well there isn't. We are in a very bad financial situation. WH tried mediation twice to decide these issues but she was "overwhelmed" the first time and totally uncooperative the second time. I think her mom (who she and OC live with)is paying legal fees as well as supporting both of them. I don't understand why 18 hours of court time are scheduled. What is going to happen? Will we be in front of judge the entire time? He doesn't really want much in the way of visitation. My fear is that may be what he wants but we have no idea what OW wants. She seems very angry and she scares me. So, I think an attorney would be good, I just don't think we have the money to pay our attorney. We have already paid them a ton for the initial appearance and two failed mediations. I have told WH that I am going to go to the court apppearance with him. I am scared and confused.

I'm really confused and need a little input and knew this was the right place to ask the question. A few weeks ago my SO took the paternity test, they said 3-5 business days. It was 6 I guess because he took it at the end of the day. I texted him about 3 ish (He works til 3:30 so this seemed odd) he said it was his and they called her and told her the results. I asked him a couple days ago did they give you anything to show proof, he said he walked in (wierd!) and they should be mailing the results. It's been several weeks still no results. He also has not yet filed any custody paperwork and oddly puts it off? Something really wierd I feel like is going on. Can you guys give me any advice or input PLEAS.. thank you so much

Sage,

I don't know about the rest of your sitch- but I do know that in our case, H asked for a written document from the testing site, and they have yet to deliver (asked for the documentation in December) I wanted something in writing proving it was his as this child will end up costing us hundreds of thousands of dollars over the next two decades.

We got paperwork, no phone call.

And yes on the hundreds of thousands of dollars. I did the math...18 years will cost us $275,000 roughly, not counting court fees. Sigh. And this state can potentially go up to 21...so maybe add 3 more years of $ down the drain.

If there is ANYWAY to afford a lawyer, get one. I had to cash out some of my retirement to help my fwh out because no way was I sending him into the shark pit of the family court system that we have up here! He was already getting screwed enough

(((to us all)))

I hate this all so much. I hate that some horrible whore decided a child was the perfect way to get what she wanted. I hate that at the time my H was so stupid that a little protection seemed too much. I hate that the first payment we have to think about making will be to her when she is living off of mama who keeps rescusing her from all her disasters. OW was married at 18, divorced at 19 (mom rescued her), she left home again and found her way to my city, She started A with my H at 20, pregant at 21 and baby at 22. Ran back home to mom where she gets to live rent free and get $ from us every month. When will courts catch up to this abuse of the system by these predatory, home wreckers. And, we don't have anything left to cash in on for money. We've been doing that to stay in our home and keep business afloat for the last 4 years. I am having a bad morning. Too much to deal with in my life these days.

Well, just when things are going wonderful for us, more shit hits the fan.

FWH is unemployed, now enrolled in a retraining program thru the local community college, collecting unemployment ("Training Unemployment Insurance" they call it). Barely $1000 a month. His CS was lowered when OW was making $16 an hour working nights as a CNA. She went to days, losing $3 an hour, tried to get it lowered, they didn't let her (she chose to reduce her income).

Well, due to FWH's CS he pays on his D from his previous M (who is 19), combined the CS amounts are more than unemployment can legally take from his check, so $19 a month of the CS due to OC doesn't get paid and goes to back CS (we did not know this until today).

We go to the Post Office (something FWH usually does) and pick up the mail, see the monthly statement the Child Support office sends out. I open it, and FWH says "I always just throw those away, it is just the same thing every month." I look anyway, and see that in addition to the $19 a month going to arrears, CS is tacking on a $90 "FEE"!!! WTF?! He went from almost having his arrears paid(from the months it took to get the dna test results back) to almost $800! In just a few months!!

So, I am of course pissed.

He could have caught this, had he just read the god damned paperwork. Something similar happened with his exW, and he is now THOUSANDS in arrears, because he never looked at the paperwork, and by the time he did it couldn't be changed retroactively! (That was before I was in the picture). Uhm, how stupid can you be?! Does he want to go through the same thing again?!

So, he is calling the CS office tomorrow to see what in the hell is going on, and we will be scraping up the money to get a lawyer to draw up adoption papers ASAP. During the last over-the-phone CS hearing between OW and FWH she yelled "If he would just let my new H adopt OC, he wouldn't even have to pay CS!"

Well, put your money where your mouth is, cow! We will be drawing up the papers for you to sign! I want this sea cow out of my life!!!

Update. We have decided that even though we don't want to we can not get the money together for an attorney when H goes back to court to finalize the custody agreement, visitation, support issues. He doesn't want any more than what he entitled to by law by that state. I am worried about the money issue. She is already getting a lot and we can't afford any more. AND, to top it all off, court date is 2 yr. anniversary of DDay. I am going to court with him. Since this affects me and my children I feel it is important. Also, OW pretended I didn't exist during the A. I want to remind her that I was there before the A, DURING the A, and after the A. I EXIST!!

(((ray))) if possible, try to see if you can meet with an attorney for a free consult; we did that for 1 of the stupid $ increase requests the cOW filed, and the lawyer had offered to redo my fwh's paperwork for just $100! And it WORKED!

Also, see if your state offers LAR lawyers (Limited Assistance Representation). These lawyers offer their services "a la carte" and charge you minimal. It's what the cOW did for her attorney and what we would've done if we couldn't come up with the $. At least you get some representation/assistance with the lingo/filing/paperwork/laws. The LAR attorney doesn't always go to court with you (the cOW's did), but they help with the meat and potatoes of all the paperwork.

((want2help))) goodluck!!! My biggest wish is that the cOW finds someone to not only occupy her time, but to also adopt the OC. I hope it works out for you! I will be hoping and hoping for you.