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@sparkle76 my OW was the call, email, and text type harasser as well. What we where told to do was make one documented proof of NC unless about OC and any communication after the fact to make a police report. So we did and she actually got arrested for telephone harassment. I felt bad cause she did get arrested while pregnant but I had my kids and myself to protect and I had to set the ground work for the next 18 years. Had to make sure she knew I would not put up with her crap. Needless to say after that and losing custody of OC to us 18 months later she got the picture. OC meant so much she signed over rights to me. I say police reports all the way.

"sorry [we] think that [our] COM don't deserve more than poverty level, but [OC] does and 'he' will get it as long as [she] is breathing"

Oh Sparkle, I am so sorry. What a raging bitch. I hate her for you.

Thank you Want2Help and #1survivor for your feedback and being a sounding board *hugs* I wish you and all of us here easier days ahead.

Would this count as documented proof?~ OW was texting me yesterday admitting that she knew it was me reading them (H's job has always been first shift). I replied that any further texts that weren't an emergency would be filed and/or we would get the number changed. She then responded with more texts, some that have gone unread because the inbox is now filled to capacity (this is something she liked to do in previous years was tell us "I'm going to barrage your phone/use up all your minutes, I will get the last word in!"....her current response was "Hate to inform you, since your H and I share custody, I have to have a number to reach him." And that "all [she] was trying to do was be nice, and [I] just want to threaten"

I feel like this has set us back at least 5 years. I don't want to go back to living like that again. I want to be happy again and just move on from this mess.

Sparkle

I was told to open the text and take a photo of them. texts can be altered so a photo is proof that she did send it. You can also send a certified letter stating that she is not to call the phone number unless it is a MEDICAL emergency only regarding OC. She can contact you by email and that any other form of contact will not be replied to. Yes with shared custody there has to be a form of contact but in our papers it doesn't state that it has to be phone. WH has an app that sends her calls directly to VM so if it is an emergency she can leave a message if not he just deletes it. He has also blocked her texts. Good Luck

[This message edited by tryingtosmile at 9:39 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]

Exactly no phone number required ever on our end either. Actually after she was arrested the judge told us to set up an email just for her to send stuff about OC to. These OW think they have power but truth is no they don't if we don't give it to them. Stand strong against them. They wanted our lives then and still do. Also yes that's how ours was we sent one email to her saying exactly what you did and she would txt call or email us about anything. Even friend requests all made it into police reports like I saidnarrested , jailed, and convicted. Now she has to live with that on her record.

Ok, my next question is what if we already told her that her emails have been blocked for the same reason? Would she have legal recourse against us? To clarify, the custody order mentions nothing about contact, it just lists specific times and days for pick-up and drop-off. It does list that they share legal custody, but she has never and would never let H know about any emergencies or information about OC, she makes all decisions with her mother, her H's and boyfriends. The only times she has ever mentioned medical issues is to ask/tell H not to take OC for visitation because he doesn't feel well.

I'm just wondering if there is any possible way to have third-party contact or something, because she has proven time and again that she cannot and will not keep communication strictly to relevant matters and that she will not keep civil if she doesn't feel like it. Part of the reason we're arguing with her again is that she started bitching at me in the support office waiting room in front of a bunch of strangers. I was just sitting there reading a magazine.

I think she is also trying other tricks now that the texts and email were cut off~ we keep getting calls from a new 5 digit number and there have been at least 20 different attacks just this morning that our anti-virus keeps fending off. A brand new friend request on my Facebook (profile pic quite obviously swiped from a porn or dating site).

I guess most she can do is take you back to court to say there isn't contact info in case of emergency but you would come back with all of your harassment and explain your reasons. When you have OC you have her info if you need it that would be what matters.

The whores will use any means necessary to try to cause problems and contact your WH. If you stay consistent and shut it down hopefully she will get the not so subtle hint. Ours tried several things but when she learned he was serious she backed off. Her new thing is to have OC call and leave a message with the whore talking in background for OC. OC is 2 soon. As if OC looked at whore and said I want to call my dad puleez. LAME

The skank hates taking OC to Dr so she will try to use that to call WH. He told her that it is her duty as custodial parent and if she can't handle it we would be more than happy to go to court for custody of OC and do it ourselves. That shut her up.

I would change my number and close all email accounts she has open new ones and only give her an email address that is only for her.

[This message edited by tryingtosmile at 3:26 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)]

Sparkle, trust me sounds exhausting and I remember it being exhausting as well. We played by the court order to a "T". I mean down to in our state you only have to wait 15 min for the other party and when she didn't show I filed a police report. Our lawyer was HUGE on documenting everything. I can't complain cause our cause was open and shut the judge said. I know this is a frustrating predicament our WS have put us in but we are strong women. My advice is show this OW who is boss. And I agree with tryingtosmile we did the same thing changed all numbers and deleted all emails she had access to and opened one for just OC stuff then sent an email letting her know the purpose of this email of account. I always preferred email with my OW cause then when she would go crazy and stuff I had documented proof. Once handed over to the cops they do all there homework with subpoenas and stuff and like I said she was arrested.

So long to our potential lawyer~ I feel much worse after the meeting yesterday, and she wants $500...not happening. We'll have to appeal and represent ourselves when the hearing comes.

The lawyer's demeanor was completely different this time around. At the initial conference she was all, "Yeah, you guys have many strong arguments and when I run the numbers, support should not increase by more than $30 per month". Yesterday she pretty much blew off all of our contention points~ the most devastating one being that they are listing me at an income I don't even make to determine H's net income.

In other words, she confirmed that now I am considered responsible for support to OC (aka OW). I am being forced to reward OW with money we don't even have. I feel very similar to how I did on my D-Days, in fact, this feels like a whole new D-Day as in "Surprise! You don't get to choose what's best for your family, you need to work so that the prostitute can get more money". This is like my worst nightmare ever since this happened!

The lawyer also said that it doesn't really matter what H's actual current net income is and the fact that there is no overtime now....they are focused on his previous year's earnings. When H and I told the lawyer that we don't see how we're going to pay our bills and provide for our family off of this new $1300 monthly net income until the appeal hearing, she joked....JOKED..."at least support won't go up". I should sure as hell hope NOT!

So H and I cut our medical insurance, which will cover about half of the new support deduction. Back to selling household items, using our van as little as possible and so on. It just pains me to have to do these things because the courts don't care about us, only OW

I know in the OC guidelines that it mentions filing for a pseudo-separation in order to protect the COM. Is it too late in the game to do that now? If it is possible, do I need to hire an attorney for that? Does that mean that H and I would need to physically separate (as in reside at different addresses)?

You poor thing.Look into a father's advocate group or lawyer. Sometimes they will help at lower fees because they know how the dads can get screwed over.

Well, after attempting to message OW on Facebook about the adoption of OC and failing (I'm 99% sure it went to her "Other" folder, which is inaccessible by phone, the only internet connection she has), I decided to break down and try to message her new (post-affair) husband.

For anyone new, last time FWH had an over-the-phone CS hearing with OW, she kept insisting "If you would just LET my new husband ADOPT (OC), you wouldn't even have to pay child support!"

Now, this was the first we had heard about new H adopting OC (they also have an OC together, from when he was cheating on his BSO with OW). It makes sense, they have been seeing one another since OC was a year old, but at the time of the hearing the had only been married a few weeks (like, 3 weeks).

After a little investigating, I found that 1) they had many people convinced that he actually IS OC's biological father, and 2) had put on their "wedding website" that their wedding would be a "family joining ceremony", as "(new H) will be adopting (OC) immediately after the ceremony."

Well, that was 2011. That was the last we heard of any of it. So I messaged OW in January, and thanks to Facebook now recording when a message was read by the recipient, I know that she hasn't even opened it (and no, I know OW well enough to know that she didn't delete it without reading it, LOL, she doesn't have that kind of impulse control).

So, now I have to wait. And wait. And have mini-panic attacks.

But, hopefully the end result will be OC being adopted. Currently, my FWH and I are both full time students (economy here is awful, and our work experience is obsolete now). In addition to that, he is having to work evenings and weekends not to support us, but OC. After the XW (adult stepchildren) gets her piece of the pie, and OW gets hers, we will see almost nothing. OC being adopted would mean my FWH wouldn't have to be missing out being with our family.

Please, send your positive thoughts, everyone.

Let OW and her new H read that message, see the benevolent intent, and start the ball rolling on the adoption.

...and the message was "Seen at 10:21 pm"

Let's hope I get a return message. If not, I will be messaging them that in the event that they are not interested in new H adopting OC, we feel it is in the best interest of OC to have a relationship with her actual father, which is FWH.

This is exactly what OW does not want.

Dear Want2help ~

Well now that the message has been read, hopefully you and fWH get some answers. You mentioned the last you'd heard about it was 2011, right? The wedding hasn't happened yet? If adoption is what you and fWH want to happen I hope that it comes to pass.

As for myself, I am leery of that situation because OW had brought it up no less than 4 times over the years. The four of us (fWH and I, 2nd XH and her) met in 2008 to set it in motion, but before the next time we met they separated. In 2010, she fought that my fWH should just sign over the rights to her alone, but she said she would only drop support if he dropped custody first. Obviously, OW is not a trustworthy person so....yeah, that didn't happen.

I've had some improvement since last week. Today I filed the civil complaint for harassment. On Thursday an officer came to the house to take the information and offered to call OW on my behalf to start getting the message across. OW started yelling at her and hung up on her! So the officer called back and left a message with her badge number, and gave me an incident number Then I spent Friday out with some good friends.

So hopefully the district judge will approve the complaint and we'll get some progress with the appeal of the support case.

You mentioned the last you'd heard about it was 2011, right? The wedding hasn't happened yet?

No, they got married in 2011. The CS hearing was a few weeks after the wedding. It was the first she had mentioned it to us, but as I said, his intention to adopt her was plastered all over their "wedding websites" (multiple), Facebook, etc.

However, she has no way of contacting us (until now). Paperwork was filed with the CS office that they could not give any of our information to OW (phone, address, etc.). We have all of our bills go to a PO Box so that our address in untraceable. Our water bill is even in the name of our landlord so that she cannot trace us through our utilities.

Fantastic on the civil suit, and many, OW may as well have hung herself when she hung up on an officer! Way to look sane and rational, OW.

Today is Father's Day and its a very difficult day for me. I have such a hard time on father's day because of the fact that we do not have any children together (I have no children at all), so celebrating him on father's day feels like celebrating the mess he made. this is the 3rd father's day he's had, and, unfortunately, it hasn't gotten any easier for me. However, fortunately, all the days before, after and in between mother's day (another difficult day, although not as hard as father's day) and father's day have gotten much easier. I woke up this morning, I told him happy father's day, and I told him about all the ambivalence this day brings, because I had never told him before. Then got on the internet, checked my FB and there was a status update from him (which he VERY RARELY does) saying happy father's day to his dad and thanking him for all he's done (his father is not on FB... I never really understand why people do that), all the fathers, father figures, friends and family for helping him to become the man and father he is today (I think I deserved a very special, exclusive shout out.. but I digress) and then he mention the OC and how much he loves her... And it made me want to cry. I know its kinda ridiculous, but it really did hurt to see those words. Anyway, whether its wrong or right, (its right for me and my sanity) I won't be doing anything special for him this father's day, and quite frankly probably no father's day until we have a child together. If/when the OC is old enough to want to make or buy him something for Father's day, I'll facilitate that, but I won't do anything specifically for him... thats the way I feel right now. Unless or until he starts to acknowledge me on Mother's day (because, let's be real, I am as much a mother as he is a father when the OC is here and when she isn't because I'm always thinking about her and buying things for her etc...), then I might be more inclined to give him special acknowledgements on Father's day.

*sigh* I hope everyone else is having a great day. I'm so greatful for this outlet/safe place to get all my feelings and thoughts regarding this crazy, rollercoaster ride of a situation out. Until next time (and who knows how long that will be since I am more of a lurker... lol) take care!

[This message edited by Masks at 8:42 AM, June 16th (Sunday)]

Hi all-Please help..So lost.

So I found about my husband's 4 year on again off again affair on 4/23/13. He had broken it off wanted to make things right with us. We have 3 kids-all boys ages 19 months, 4, and 9. He said he always loved me. He works nights and we have been on different schedules...apparent ly living completely different lives. On 5/6/13, our first day of marriage counseling, he told me that he had just found out that OW is pregnant. WOW! How do you respond to that? They were having NC but she had a friend contact him and tell him. So he has talked to her once since that time and maintained NC. I think that I had convinced myself that she was lying, but today he got a text from her showing pics of her ultrasound and I am devastated again.. almost like the first day. My fwh and I have agreed that he would have contact with the child, but now I just don't know if I can handle this. I love him and I know that he does love me and our 3 kids. I just don't know how things got so F***ed up and how to handle all of this. And now I have to admit to all of my family and friends that my FWH knocked this OW (who has two other kids by two different dads btw). and then we have to explain to our kids who this new kid is. How do I do this without going completely insane? I am so hurt and betrayed and embarrassed and angry. But if I think about leaving him.. that thought is unbearable too.. My boys love him so much and he really is a great dad. I just don't know what to do.. Please help me

Masks:

but I won't do anything specifically for him... thats the way I feel right now.

Perfectly acceptable. We also had no COM when OC was born (FWH has 3 children from previous M, all adults), so I know how you feel. Father's Day after the OC was born made me ill.

LiedtoLucy:

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation.

Your first step is for your husband to change his number. ASAP. Texts of ultrasounds pictures is NOT "maintaining NC". It is breaking NC.

Stay NC until OC is born, then get a paternity test. You have no idea how many times I have seen OCs 1) not be real (even with u/s pics, which are sometimes someone else's) or 2) not be the WS's child.

This board has been slow lately. Feel free to pm me for support or advice if you aren't getting answers here.

I almost forgot, I spent yesterday IMing with the OW. She and her H want OC adopted (by her new H). My FWH wants to relinquish his rights.

Of course, they want us to foot the bill for everything as well as do all of the legwork, but whatever, she's boarderline illiterate and would surely fuck everything up anyway.

So, we are looking for an attorney to give us a consultation right now. If everyone could think good thoughts for us, it'd be wonderful.

There is hope for happy endings.

[This message edited by Want2help at 3:01 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]

Masks: I found out right before Mother's Day that my husband had another child with a woman he had a ONS with when we were dating. The child is now 1 1/2 years old. Sadly, it was my first Mother's Day and it just about ruined it for me. Then this Father's Day was bittersweet. I wanted to wish him a Happy First Father's Day but in reality it's his second, just the first he knew about. I hope these days get easier but I'm still bitter (it's only been a month and a half since I found out).

LiedtoLucy: I kind of know how you feel. When my daughter was 2 weeks old we found out my husband had another child (we didn't believe the affair even happened until the DNA test proved it). Now I don't know what to do or how to feel. I don't know how to tell our daughter when she's old enough or ifshe'll grow up knowing her half-sister. We still aren't sure if he's going to establish visitation, we can't afford the court costs right now though.

Want2Help: I've read your posts on here and I'm very happy for you and your H. My H and I are hoping that his OC's soon to be stepfather wants to adopt her because we live 9 hours away from her and my H knows he won't be able to be any kind of father to her. Unfortunately I don't believe it will happen as child support was just established, I can't imagine the OW wanting to establish CS if her fiancé wanted to adopt one of her children (she has 3 from 3 different men and her fiancé has 3 of his own as well). I'll still pray that he does because I want my family to be what it was before we found out. However, I don't know what my husband truly wants, I know he thinks this will be best for the OC but that doesn't mean he wants her to be some other man's daughter. I plan to ask him soon what he really wants, regardless of repercussions (right now he says he wants NC because I don't want her to be part of my life but I'm trying to accept the fact that she may become part of it and I don't want her to be punished if my husband does want to be part of her life but won't because of me).

Hello, I've been out of SI for a bit, but today I really need some TLC. OC had been living with us for the past 4 months, OW had been asking WH to take him back home (she lives 6 hrs away). WH told her to come and get him if she really wanted to see him, she didn't send in a penny all the time OC was here even though WH has sent her $$ when she has him. Just to let you know, these arrangements are made without the intervention of the courts.

This morning, she came knocking on our door at 3:00 am demanding WH to give her OC back. She had been calling all week asking for him, but never coming, then asking WH to meet her halfway. So even though it took us by surprise, we were kind of expecting it.

I'm completely torn. I didn't have time to come to terms with myself that he was leaving, and possibly, unless the courts don't decide with WH, not seeing him again, plus the fact that he has been living with us for such a long time, I'm afraid that he might be confused. I just don't know where all of these feeling are coming from! Why are all these tears pouring out? I have a DD, and even though I always wanted another one, she is and will always be the apple of my eye. Has anyone out there ever felt this? This type of attachment with OC? I don't know if I'll be able to take another one like this one.