SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just wonderIng what other people found in their homes that told them that A or hookups took place at home.

I have found several little *items* that leave me *puzzled*--knee hi stockings I stopped wearing years ago and thought I had tossed, an unfamliar type of Kleenex with red something on it (I don't wear lipstick or nail polish), a broken chair, fast food utensils in his car that he does- not-know-how-they-got-there (his standard line). Is all this all classic, or what????

There was some shit in the car. Mostly stuff she could explain away. But her stained underware was something she could not. She tried to tell me she had a yeast infection. I said thats no yeast infection. Those are cum stains. Guess OM pushed her buttons really good. but she would not admit to anything. After about a year of S. We attempted a half assed R. She had a dresser full of thong underware and lingerie I did not buy her. Now I always thought she would look hot in thongs. But she would never wear them for me. Said she did not want the feeling of them riding up her ass. Well on out first night together after being S she walks in wearing them. I almost puked. I had read her e-mails and OM was telling her that she had a great ass and should wear thongs. Well I guess she wore them for him. Needless to say it did not happen that night. I made her throw away anything she bought or wore while with OM. She was angry but complied. I guess it did not matter as it was a false R anyway. She was still having contact with him. Not physical but contact all the same. I left after that.

It's hard to comprehend so many lies from someone who was supposed to be your friend. False R is the worst. Glad to hear you made her part of your past.

In the house: I undeleted some FB conversations.

I undeleted some pigtures off his phone's memory card, and off the camera's memory card.

In the car: leather thong with a zipper...I kid you not...Freddy Mercury would have thought they were pretty fugly I'm sure. and the very first evidence I found was a 'directorate' of what to discuss with a lawyer (i Had no idea at that time there was a S on the table let alone D ) and of course all the texts/emails on his phone I 'unloaded' when he would be sleeping...with the cell attached to his hip...but he's a sound sleeper. I often wondered if he figured it out when he'd wake up with the phone on the floor beside the bed, or somewhere under the covers. *snort*

Not items in the house per se, but I went through the home phone bill.

He would call her literally the minute I left the house, even if it was just on a 5 minute errand! He called her for hours when I went on 2 evenings out - and congratulated himself on one of those evenings for not pestering me with texts and calls asking when I am coming home and accusing me of being up to no good, which he usually did when I went out!

I found calls for 2 1/2 hours he made when I stayed in the hospital over night with our son - while he told me he was snuggled up with our then 9 yr old daughter!

I found 7 calls on the house phone from when I went away after dday with just the children - he had told me he had drunk dialled her once!! Dont know how many he might have done from his mobile.

Since my current fWW had a long distance EA, I'll just have to put what my ex wife did since she cheated on me too.

In 1987, I came back home early from out of town and found a hand written love letter to OM. She claimed that she wrote it for her classmate who loved the OM.

Seriously? You write a love letter on behalf of someone else? You expect me to believe that? I have no idea if they fucked in our bed or not. But knowing her, she probably did.

I didn't exactly *find* this - he admitted to it later.

A few years before I discovered the affair (I think it was a work friendship at the time) he brought home a pen with his name and title on it - said one of secretary's gave it to him for his birthday. I thought it was odd - but, whatever.

A year before I discovered the affair - he brought home a belt around the holidays - said one of the secretary's gave it to him for christmas. That I thought really strange and said so. He said - well, she gave one to the other 3 executives too. I thought it was an awfully personal gift from an employee. But, whatever.

A few months before I discovered the affair - he was insistent that we go shopping to find an exact replica of the belt - because the buckle had broken. This - from a man who doesn't care about clothes, or shopping.

As we were looking for a belt - I said, "really, what is the big deal - its not like she's going to be close enough to you to see that its a different belt"

Little did I know - just HOW close she really was!

It makes me furious to think he took me shopping with him to do that - personally I'd like to strangle him (and her) with the belt! Of course, I promptly threw it in the trash after DD.

Other clues in the car - the seat would always be pushed back. I did mention it a few times - but he just shrugged it off - I didn't think much of it either.

During the time he was cheating(and I didnt know),I found a small,fake "diamond",like something a kid would wear. It wasnt a piece of jewelry,but looked like it had come off of a cheap bracelet,or necklace. Yes,we have small kids. BUT. This fell out of his jeans that he had taken off the night before when he came home from work. I literally saw it fall from the jeans onto the floor. I picked it up and asked him where it came from. He said he had no idea,had never seen it before,etc. Of course,I believed him because I trusted him. I figured it had gotten caught in the cuff of his pants,that it had been on the ground and had somehow gotten caught in his jeans. But now that I am writing this,I realize there was no cuff. OMG.

[This message edited by confused615 at 12:54 PM, February 22nd (Wednesday)]

I just found a bunch of relationship books and CD's and courses on flirting and landing the man of your dreams and such. Showed me that she had been actively pursuing rather than passively falling.

I can laugh about it now.

Other than the initial email professing their "perfect love" for each other. Then the 200 emails sent back and forth between them over three months, and of course the secret email account with another 200 emails. Not too much. I found an outfit (ice cream parlor girl) that she had worn for him that was in our closet , some thigh high stockings that had been reference in their emails. Pretty much had to throw away all her cute bras and panties since she had paraded around in them while they where skyping with each other.

Hmmm, what else? Just a few books, and a love note that she had kept. And then this morning, I found the play list of the songs that she sent to him via CD--they were all quite meaningful and glorifying their secret love (I knew about the CD's I just didn't know about the actual songs--just stumbled upon them.

I think that's it, but the 400 or so emails I read was more than enough. ugggggggg

[This message edited by wonderboy at 1:09 PM, February 22nd (Wednesday)]

She had a shirt that said "sight for sore eyes" on it. I asked her about it and she said "I bought it." Who buys themselves a shirt like that? I destroyed it.

Sidenote regarding the diamond (rhinestone) in the jeans. OW are notorious for leaving "clues" of their presence. Think of animals pissing to denote their territory. Sociologists have labeled cheaters as mate poachers/mate poachee's & the two share a number of not great personal characteristics. Likewise, cheaters are known for keeping souvenirs (like serial killers, rotfl), so sometimes it might be confusing on who to lay blame. Forgot to add, I can see this coming from an outing, where the OW needs/wants to take her earrings off & he holds them for her in the pocket (where's her purse?)

I've been "lucky" in that my H's OM has been the internet/phone (love the term "pigtures" btw) & the two he hooked up with physically were never in the same zipcode as the marital house.

All my clues have been on the computer, home phone & my stomach (always keep an eye on your "redial" feature if you don't have itemized in/out calls from your phone provider) which they may be tempted to use if they don't have a cell phone.

[This message edited by oldtimer97 at 1:17 PM, February 22nd (Wednesday)]

I found her underwear in his truck, does that count???

There was the T-shirt she'd given him for Christmas that said, "Bad to the bone," and the wallet "her kids" had given him for the same holiday. Oh, and the Christmas card she mailed to "us" from her, her bf and kids.

The T-shirt was torn, cut and burned. He hid the wallet, and if and when I ever find it, it will suffer the same fate. Slooooooowly. And with great pleasure.

If I ever come across that card, I think I'll frame it for him and give it as his parting gift the day I file for divorce.

She bought him a expensive cell phone and paid the bill ...so she could keep in contact with him..all the while dumb old Wifey (me) would never ever know. Brilliant.

Thank you, Everyone, for posting. You have helped me understand what may still be going on in my own house.

I will respond more later as the computers are through his work and I am only using my phone for SI (slooowww)--though, amazingly that little concern never stopped him!

Also, since I sense our R to be false x 1,000,000, I am going to ask another question about what REAL R looks and feels like.

On his person: A new watch-rather fancy for him (he preferred Casios); he had just bought himself a new Casio. When I questioned it, he got defensive (duh...)saying he thought he deserved something nice. Right...

In his car (during 'false R'): Lots of change--he was using it in pay phones because he knew somehow I was reviewing his cell phone calls. He claimed it was just change from buying sodas, but he had been buying sodas since the beginning of time without accumulating so much change...

*sigh*

Luckily she never came to my house, however the credit card bills did. I had the pleasure of seeing the charges for all the expensive designer gifts, jewelry, hotels, meals, you name it. I think he took advantage of my trusting nature because I never looked at the statements. I rarely even used the cards. He would always just pay them in full. But once I began to suspect something, I started looking. It still, to this day, makes me sick to think of it.

Check 'his' vehicle.

Over the years at various time, I found empty wine bottles, long hairs on the passenger seat, hair ties, etc. I found an insipid little love 'poem' that one of his whores wrote to him while cleaning out a car we were donating to charity.

The nail in his coffin was the cell phone charger cord that was plugged in in the cigarette lighter in his trunk. Once I saw that, I dug deeper and found the secret cell phone in the spare tire wheel well (under the carpeting in the trunk).

ETA: All of the items I found were in XWH's car. I do know of one occassion where he had someone in our house when we lived on base (the whore went to neighbor's house looking for XWH...and neighbor was a good friend of mine).

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 6:38 PM, February 22nd (Wednesday)]

My wife screwing one of my friends. Had no clue up til then.