SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you all again for the posts. My IC knows that I've not confessed to the A. My H knows I'm in IC to sort out my on anxiety issues. I am an there to seek my own understanding of how I allowed myself to cross over the line of friendship and make such a horrible choice. I was addicted to my exAP and just want to stop this cycle of behavior. My H does not think that I am in IC because I'm so unhappy in my M because of

something he is or isn't doing. I'm not blaming him for the M problems. I did not suggest going to MC with him. I agree it would just be a waste of time if I do not disclose the A in MC so I'll continue with IC. I am also there and here to maintain NC with my exAP. I realize that the majority believe that I'm not telling my husband to preserve my own self but in doing so I preserve my children's lives and keep my husband from the pain. I realize that most here think the A will be discovered but I believe confessing or Dday would lead to the same outcome. I had a wonderful weekend with my family and want to see us grow closer again. While I was in the A, I could only think of my exAP. I see the good now and I am giving all my love to my M. I'm sorry if I anger some of you.

I wish you a lot of luck, Belle, I really do. I admire you for coming back here with everybody on you giving you advice that you don't want to hear.

This can be a tough crowd!

I'm sorry if I anger some of you.

FWSs get very adamant about their views, only because we've all btdt and learned the lesson the hard way. So, we try to help by sharing our experiences.

I understand the need for peace in the family, and the pleasure you got from the nice family weekend you had. For me, I never had those when things weren't fully disclosed, I was too on edge, too nervous.

I also went to IC before my BH knew about my As. I went after my EA and it was because I couldn't (wouldn't?) let go of OM. I never even met him in person, the pull was that strong. I was a mess so I went to IC, telling BH that it was because of problems I was having dealing with issues with our son.

I was in IC and I still broke NC with OM, and when I finally was able to keep NC with him, I went on to have two PAs with two different OMs.

Until BH found out, and I was caught because I wasn't brave enough to tell, I wasn't going to heal. I needed to get through it, honestly and fully, face the whole shitstorm, to get out the other side.

I just feel bad for your BH. He doesn't know what he's up against because you are choosing not to trust, you are choosing not to give him any power in decisions that affect his life. It's not fair.

It's really not about us being angry. We don't matter. You have to do what's right for you. I had a 14 year secret come out after our d-day in 2007. Can you live like this, with this secret?

My secrets made me physically ill, and the secrets are what almost made my BH leave, not the As.

Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.

I'm sorry if I anger some of you.

Other's anger is theirs to own. They don't have to read your threads.

Keep reading and posting. As AN said, we share from our experiences.

Hang in there. I hope you find peace.

I'm sorry if I anger some of you

.

I don't think anyone is angry with you...possibly frustrated, but not angry.

And to be honest...none of us live in your house so it's impossible for any of us to know exactly what is best for your situation. Only *you* hold that answer.

Perhaps one day you will release the guilt that you're going to carry and give your H the gift of complete honesty. But again...it's your situation and the only thing I can hope for is that you both find your way to complete happiness.

I'm glad that you came back...I think it's a positive sign that you're still here reading and responding

Grace and bell please check your pm's....

People come to this site for help and get jumped on..one solution isn't for everyone and maybe you people trying to force your opinion ought to take a minute to remember how hard ending was before you jump on someone to disclose give them a minute to breath first and get the help they came for.

lostpainful...

No one has jumped on anyone. This thread has been heavily moderated, so please don't try to paint the picture that Bell or anyone else has been treated unfairly.

*Locking this thread until Bellechica asks for it to be unlocked or comes back.

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 9:20 PM, April 23rd (Monday)]