SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't know what to do. My BH is at the bar where I met the OM and is waiting to confront him. I can't get him to come home and I don't know if I should go up there and get him or not. I don't ever want to see OM again and I'm scared that BH seeing me in that bar will trigger him. The OM goes up to that bar alot so there is a good chance he might be there tonight.

I don't want my BH to get hurt, go to jail or lose his job because I screwed up. Plus he's drinking.....

He won't answer my calls anymore,,,,

BTDT, not fun.

My BH waited outside xOM's apartment with a baseball bat. Thank God he didn't come home or come out if he was inside.

Is there a friend of your BH's who knows about the situation who can go there and talk to him?

I don't really have any good advice. I couldn't stop my BH and so I just stayed home and prayed for it to end without him getting hurt or arrested.

Oh Lost!

Is there someone else? Friend or family member that can call or go up there to get him?

Dont call AP. Stay NC.

OMG, I would never call AP. That's the last thing on my mind.

I called my H's best friend. He is going to call him and hopefully he will get through to him.

I think you need to ride this out and not hit the panic button.

Your BH is a grown man. He is probably not going to do something to get arrested. It is not something youy can control, however. Have faith in your BH.

I would think about sending him a text that you love and support him, and if he needs you to call you.

I wouldn't send out a search party as that is very undermining. Unless he has a history of violence with drinking.

Of course, do NOT "warn" or contact the AP. It is unlikely anything terrible is going to happen. Let your BH blow off some steam. JMHO.

Praying that all goes well.

Is it possible for your H's best friend to go straight to the bar? I suggest he skip the phone call all together and get there asap.

The rage can be so intense. I think your H will really need a physical presence to get him through this safely.

hugs to you both

Lost--call someone to drag his ass OUT of that bar. He is risking his career.

Now I am feeling badly, Mrs. Panda's post sounds so much more level headed than mine.

Take a deep breath. You know your H best so trust your gut to tell you what approach to take.

Okay so I did panic-BH finally called me back and stated he is on the way home. I just hope this is true and he isn't going to OM's house.

Unfortunately, he is so angry he WOULD do something to get arrested. I know that 100%.

No, I would never contact AP.

Hope he comes home soon. Sorry if I panicked but he's been at bar for 2 1/2 hours waiting for OM and I didn't know what to do! :(

no openbook- you were right, especially when it comes to my H. I know my H and he would need someone up there to get him through this. The rage he feels right now is overwhelming for him.

But Mrs Panda thank you for the calm reassurance nonetheless.

[This message edited by Lost333 at 9:19 PM, April 6th (Friday)]

(((Lost333))). Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.

[This message edited by uncertainone at 9:24 PM, April 6th (Friday)]

I understand. MY BH had serious rage and I panicked many times that he was going to drink, get hurt, arrested, mugged, leave, car accident, etc.

He needed to get it out.

But even at his worst he never lost control.

So...stay calm. Be supportive but let him do his thing. He will appreciate it.

The best thing you can do is get some sleep and leave the porch lights on with a large glass of water and some Advil out for him to take when he comes home.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Please let us know when he gets home.

MrsPanda,

I disagree. LD doesn't have a violent bone in his body, is very level headed, and doesn't drink.

After d-day he drove on the NYS Thruway drunk in the pouring rain, I couldn't stop him. He went with a bat to xOM's house and spent days driving around his block with the bat in his car looking for him. I do believe he would have used it on him if he saw him.

He needed intervention from a rational person.

So my H finally gets home-drunk.

He tells me he texted OM from a fake number. He shows me the texts. He texted him 2 hours before our MC and didn't even tell me. He's texted him for the past 3 hours instigating and trying to meet up with him. OM only responded once, before he knew it was my H. My H keeps contacting OM and not telling me (this is not the first time) I don't give a shit about OM but now I know why our MC went so bad today. Plus my H has a wonderful career. I don't want him to get his life ruined because of what I did :(

I feel I am trying so hard to give my H everything he needs and my H has turned into this raging angry numb secretive person I don't know anymore. I turned him into this :(

My H says he is going to go back up to the bar or go to his house in the middle of the night. Right now he's blowing up his phone.

I took my H's phone away. He is not capable of making smart decisions right now. I am going to monitor him and try to make sure he doesn't leave. I don't want to control him but he needs me to take care of him right now.

[This message edited by Lost333 at 9:37 PM, April 6th (Friday)]

Lost,

Let him blow up OM's phone. Either he'll get tired of it, or OM will get the cops involved if your H keeps harassing him. Maybe that'll knock him out of the rage. (I'm not being facetious)

Your d-day is very, very recent, right?

My BH insisted on contacting the OM a lot of times until he felt his message came across clearly. It didn't help that OM was being an arrogant dumbass to BH.

The point is, eventually it calmed down and the focus became on healing the M.

Correction- he texted him yesterday too....we talked about the A all day yesterday and even had a good night and my H never said anything to me about this.....I had NO idea.

I'm worried that I'll be at work one day and get a call from the cops....

I wouldn't worry too much about his phone but definitely take his car keys away from him. A DUI or worse would be a disaster.

Now that he's home you need to keep him there.

Lost,

I don't see a stopsign, so I'm wading in. Infidelity could make Moses go postal. It causes a primal sort of pain. What kind of support does your BH have at this point? Does he come on SI at all? Does he have an IC?

I so totally understand his rage and hurt and desire to wreak vengeance; and appreciate your worry for him in this unnatural state. Vengeance is not good if it lands your butt in a sling, though, or leaves you in a legal predicament that allows the person who you feel has wronged you able to laugh at your misery.

I hope your BH will come on SI if he has not, and let out some of his pain, and learn he's not alone. Even if he just reads for awhile, he'll know there are a lot of betrayed guys here, it's not just females.

Best wishes to you both in gettng through tonight without incident and for better nights to come.

Thanks, I hope it does calm down. He's passed out now, so I'm going to get him tucked into bed....