First, for a BS to hear that their cheater didn't think oral sex as sex or even as cheating shakes your belief system. I'm sorry for all BS's who hear this often convenient drivel. And, you (BS's) are not going to talk them out of their beliefs!
Historically (Biblical ?), there must be some mind-set that oral sex isn't sex. In this fault State, you cannot get divorced on grounds of adultery if no intercourse occurred. Therefore, technically, you can't obtain a divorce on grounds of adultery on "just" oral sex acts. However, even if the two cheaters swear under oath they didn't have intercourse, the divorce courts (in it's wisdom) generally assume that intercourse also took place during an affair.
In this State, there is a little know &/or used law which allows oral sex to fall under Sodomy laws.
Not to T/J but, the April 2012 issue of Esquire Magazine, "Sex and the American Man", survey of internet-connected U.S. men aged 21 to 59 by Beta Research Corp., claims:
question # "39. How far could you go with a woman other than your wife or girlfriend without engaging in something that you would define as 'sex'?
Flirting - 28%
Kissing - 17%
Licking her breasts - 5%
Cunnilingus - 1%
Getting a handjob - 2%
Getting a blowjob - 19%
Anal intercourse - 1%
Vaginal intercourse - 4%
Does not apply - 31%
Closer Look: 10% of all men do not consider oral sex to be sex."
34% of men in committed relationships have cheated (which is very similar to the Playboy survey from a few years before - here on SI we believe it's almost double and getting more common).
84% of men have never used Viagra.
on page 97, Esquire is placing fellatio and cunnilingus (& other acts) under FOREPLAY, for a TMI example, & I quote:
"8. During foreplay, what's the one thing you'd like to do more of to your current partner?
Stimulating her clitoris with your finger(s) - 30%
Stimulating her breasts - 25%
Cunnilingus - 24%
Other - 10%
Rim jobs - 5%
A little rough play - 4%
Biting - 3%"
"9. During foreplay, what's the one thing that you want more of from your current partner?
Fellatio - 43%
Cupping, licking, and/or playing with your balls - 34%
Rim jobs - 12%
A little rough play - 6%
Biting - 5%"
"38. If you haven't already, do you think it's conceivable that you would ever cheat on your partner?
No. I believe strongly in lifelong monogamy - 58%
Yes, it's conceivable, though I'm satisfied being monogamous with my current partner - 33%
Yes, it's conceivable. I don't believe that one man can be with one person for the rest of his life - 9%."
Of course, you would think that surveys using almost anonymous subjects would generate truthful answers but this is not the case and those who survey know it. The Good Guy Syndrome rules, I guess.
