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hellonearth ( member #11919) posted at 5:41 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
Ummm....yes, absolutely hence the name Oral Sex.
@Tred - "Apparently not. I got this from my WW last week in a back and forth about her actions:
"The first time we didn't have sex, just oral on him and hands on me."
I'm sure she just meant to say they didn't have intercourse, but it still hurts when it's minimized to "I only betrayed you a little".
Don't ya love the way they *try* to minimize their filthy actions?? I got something similar as my fWH had a hard time staying hard and even though they DTD, he couldn't cum....ohhhh....well that makes it better hey....lucky me! LOL
BS-Me-39 FWH-Him-38
Together 23 yrs. 1 son 9 yrs old
Dday#1-Aug 06
TT until Nov 06
False R until Jan 08-too much anger/defensiveness, lack of consistent support from him
S- Jan 08-July 08
Aug 08-Fall 2011-rugsweeping
back in MC and IC trying
runoverbytruck ( member #11752) posted at 5:43 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
That depends on your definition of the word 'is'
Love it!
LTA BS
If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.
The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton
FeelingMN ( member #32240) posted at 5:45 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
Does it really matter if considered sex or not? Does it make it any less wrong and hurtful?
Me 41
fWW 37
DD(19), DS(17), DD(11) (Mine, hers, ours)
Together 14y, Married 12
DDay Aug 2010, 4 mos TT & gaslighting
ONS + EA after 15yr Class reunion out of state
neverendinghurt ( member #15859) posted at 5:46 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
I think that there a lot of people, me included, that refer to intercourse as sex If I was to say "We had sex" I would be talking about sexual intercourse.
If someone asked me if I had had sex, and I hadn't had sexual intercourse, I would say no, even if there had been oral sex.
ETA: Yes I do think oral sex is a sexual act, but not the main event.
I am not minimising oral sex.
[This message edited by neverendinghurt at 12:35 PM, April 23rd (Monday)]
The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.
James M. Barrie
Tred ( member #34086) posted at 5:52 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
I think the impulse to put a label on something to make it less than it is is human nature. I believe the word "Just" is the biggest minimizer out there. Just friends, just oral sex, etc. It's funny how it "just" destroys your life.
Married: 27 years (14 @JFO) D-Day: 11/09/11"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
sullymeishadomi ( member #16305) posted at 5:59 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
It's called "oral sex". It involves the sexual parts of the body. So, yes, it is sex. So is feeling someone up (women's breasts or using hand to penis or Toto (what we call vagina in our house).
Imo, oral sex is more personal than any other sex. It's the act that is the most vulnerable, so I am confounded when people treat it so.
sullymeishadomi ( member #16305) posted at 6:02 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
Sorry phone is acting up today.
Anyway, I'm shocked when people treat sex so casually.
That former friend I had, well the mm would not have penis to vagina sex. This upset ff. I'm guessing the mm justified he wasn't having sex with her if it wasn't penis to Toto. I put that thinking under the catagory of delusional.
Yes oral sex is sex.
PhoenixRising88 ( member #35214) posted at 6:07 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
In my view (and maybe I'm old fashioned, but..) ANYTHING that involves one person touching another person's private areas is sex. Just because Tab A didn't get put into Slot B doesn't mean it wasn't sex! I also consider kissing to be a sexual act; of course, certain kisses are not (giving a relative a peck on the cheek, for example).
Me: BS(45)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(52). D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/13. Divorced 1/10/14.
New chapter of my life- married 11/13/15 to the man I'd thought I would never find.
Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.
TrulyReconciled ( member #3031) posted at 6:07 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
I go by the Dr. Phil philosophy "If you drop the linen and start grinnin it's sex"
Note to self: Be more careful handing out napkins at dinner parties ...
TR 
"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."
LivingALie ( member #17217) posted at 6:13 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
I think of it this way - its cheating regardless of what you call it-
Me: BS
H had LTA with co-worker
Both mid-50s
Two sons - grown and on their own
DD - April 2010
Please note registration date is not correct. See my profile for details
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.
girlsbird ( member #30877) posted at 6:24 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
Without a doubt... and the fact that they had oral sex rather frequently..(much easier to get a blow job in the truck that actual intercourse) to me still is incredibly painful and does at times interfer with my ability to kiss him in a passionate sort of way. More than once I have handed him a bottle of Listerine!
D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 6:30 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
We have seen this a few times in NB. When I read that the person performed oral or had anal because they aren't ready to become "intimate" yet, I just shake my head because those things are pretty damned intimate to me
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
LS_Betrayed ( member #33697) posted at 6:50 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
Me (BS) - 49
WS - 51
Daughters 18, 13 and 12
Married 24 years, currently divorcing-- not soon enough
realitybites ( member #6908) posted at 6:58 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
When I read that the person performed oral or had anal because they aren't ready to become "intimate" yet, I just shake my head because those things are pretty damned intimate to me
I had to laugh because I thought the same thing as above!
If one is naked with private parts hanging out to the wind and having an orgasm at the hands or mouth or toy or whatever of someone else it is sex.
Stop expecting loyalty from people who cannot even give you honesty.
He stopped being my husband the first time he cheated. It took me awhile to understand that I was no longer his wife.
why2008 ( member #18378) posted at 7:01 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
Call me old school, but if my pecker is out and there's a woman present, it's sex.
Don't get how oral sex is not sex... hell sex is even the description.
Me - BS - 46
Him - WS - 44
Two daughters / 10 and 7
metamorphisis ( member #12041) posted at 7:03 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
There is no other activity that includes having someones underbits in my mouth so I'm going to have to go with a resounding "Yes" for this question.
*I can't believe I just typed that.
Go softly my sweet friend. You will always be a part of who I am.
coping/stuck ( member #35013) posted at 7:05 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
Definitely sex. No doubt about it. If it makes you uncomfortable in any way shape or form as a sign of betrayal - it is a sign of betrayal.
And here's a real icky new generational gap thing - teens now call a blowjob a 'kiss goodnight'. UGH
BS(me)48
WH 54
DD1 7/21/08, over a year to get the whole story out.
Married 22 1/2 years - together 24 1/2 yrs
4 kids
Trying to R
No one should know more about your life than you. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? God, I hope so.
MrsDoubtfire ( member #24786) posted at 7:10 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
Call me old school, but if my pecker is out and there's a woman present, it's sex.
It could also be called flashing or exposing oneself!!
There is no other activity that includes having someones underbits in my mouth so I'm going to have to go with a resounding "Yes" for this question.
Underbits? I just spat tea out on my laptop!!.... mind you, to answer your question indirectly, if I spat tea out and it didn't include saliva does that mean it's not really spitting??
BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†
hurtbs ( member #10866) posted at 7:12 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
If you can get an STD from it, it's sex.
Me - 40 something. WXH DDay 2006, Divorced 2012
WBF DDay #1 9/2022 #2 11/2022
Single
LivingALie ( member #17217) posted at 7:13 PM on Monday, April 23rd, 2012
Maybe we could measure it this way-
Would you do it front of your spouse?
Me: BS
H had LTA with co-worker
Both mid-50s
Two sons - grown and on their own
DD - April 2010
Please note registration date is not correct. See my profile for details
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.
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