SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

duplicate post

[This message edited by Razor at 5:26 PM, July 21st (Monday)]

What Razor said.

In addition, to avoid ever being trapped in this particular rabbit hole, I convinced myself A LONG time ago, and told a couple GF's and my stbx that I was "hung like a hamster". After that statement, anything over an inch was bound to impress (by a few) and left them "fulfilled" in that department. I've never found myself self conscious in that department since.

I have read thru most of this thread before realizing that the original post started a couple years ago...

I have something to add that I haven't seen mentioned anywhere yet...

Penis size does matter but it's all relative...

Relative to the size of the vagina it's being paired with!

Think about it...

If a woman has an elongated vaginal canal, of course a longer penis may touch parts of her that a shorter one can't. If a woman has a short vaginal canal, then a larger/longer penis may actually hurt if it hits her cervix too much.

See, it's not just about his size. Her size plays an equal role in how sex feels for both partners.

Now this is a purely mechanical perspective. Add love and a deep emotional bond between us and our SO and that changes everything.

I've been with a smaller man (x fiancé) and we had a great, satisfying love life when we were happy. I was also a perfect fit for his smaller than average package because I hadn't had any babies vaginally yet to change the size of my vaginal musculature. I still felt like a virgin.

When I first started dating my now-husband, I already had a child. My H is on the larger side of average, but not huge. Since delivering my first baby didn't do any damage to my womanhood, I was still tight enough to feel like my H was very big for me. However, after our almost 9lb baby was born (ten years ago), my vagina was never quite as tight as before. Not bad but enough of a difference that my H didn't feel as large to me as he did before our son's birth. He didn't change size. I did. Did we still enjoy making love? You bet! I loved him more and more over the years. Regardless of how our sizes fit together. He doesn't feel like a giant inside me anymore but we're still in love enough that my loss of tightness and him not feeling as huge for me did not make us lose desire for each other. He appreciates the sacrifice of my body for his beautiful babies and I appreciate that he acknowledges that it was a selfless sacrifice.

To come back to my point, size being important is only relative. What is too small for one person is more than enough for another. We have to stop believing that bigger = better. It's not always the case! Our WS did not cheat bc of our size... Penis size, breast size, vaginal tightness, etc. They cheated bc they were selfish and broken. Bottom line.

Remember... We have a lot more to offer than the size of our body parts. Those will change with age anyway. The size of our hearts should weigh a helluva lot more!

Beautifully and well said, BA10!

Thanks Shero. I know it is a little tmi, but I felt it was a point that had to be explored. Us BS's tend to over analyze so much trying to desperately make sense of the nonsensical. So I figured we have to look at this issue from a technical/mechanical perspective to be thorough. Of course emotions deepen the perspective for each of us so that does matter very much. But emotions are what can complicate and distort our perspective. They are what keep us focused on feeling inadequate. No matter if we're well equipped or not. I have my own insecurities that I have to battle even tho logically, I knew I was way more attractive- both inside and out- compared to my fWH's ogre woman. Affairs do a number on us.

[This message edited by BreatheAgain10 at 11:04 PM, July 21st (Monday)]

Well, then there's this....

http://www.iflscience.com/plants-and-animals/does-size-really-matter

***posting as a member

I was honestly bummed to see this post brought back up after YEARS. Not that the menz don't worry about it or need to talk about it, but I just think that in the context of infidelity it is a bummer of a thing to have to worry about.

Like how much housework we do, how much money we make, how smart or funny or talented we are, we are a sum of some pretty amazing things and it's a travesty that we should find insecurity in our anatomical differences.

Size does not matter. If someone is judgmental or selfish enough to make an issue out of it, it is truly they who have the problem. Faithfulness respective to penis size is a ridiculous prospect.

If it helps at all, I felt very inadequate about my vagina after my WBF's affair. I thought it was something physical I wasn't giving him.

No. It is not that at all for me, and it is not that at all for you. But I understand your insecurities because I have them too now, no matter. I think this worry is just another way the betrayal damages us.

After the affair I started doing kegel exercises, crazy stuff that just humiliated me further. Now, I am proud of my privates, I try to treat them extra nice (nice underwear, no granny panties). After all, my privates were emotionally abused by the affair, I need to treat them extra nice now.

Be proud of your penis! When a heterosexual woman loves a person, and then that person has a penis too, it's like wow! What a combination! Yes, truly there must be a God! Any woman who can't appreciate that, well, is an idiot, and she is not worth it.

I really really like sex. I say that up front so that the following might have more significance.

I am married to a man who is quadriplegic. He is paralyzed from the armpits down. If I had to "rate" his private parts – it would be less than average – probably due to the disability. I can't say that for sure, because he was disabled when I married him.

Not only is my husband of less than average size, but he is also less than average in the "magic in the wand" ability. To be honest – I have always had to do a huge majority of the "work". So I guess that many of you would guess that would be two strikes against him.

But when we were first together – and the first few years of our marriage, there was no limit to the passion I felt for him. Sex with him was better than with my previous two husbands who were both able-bodied. He had a certain way of just looking at me that was better than actual sex with other partners. And when we had sex, he was very focused on my pleasure.

I say this to rebut the comments about size making a big difference. It may touch things an inch farther inside a woman if it is bigger – it may have the "wow" visual factor – but in the long run, as others have suggested – it is a secondary consideration to what gets your mind going to that place in the first place.

Of course the special look, and my response to it, have all disappeared since his relationship with pornography, online with other women, and his interaction with the prostitute. Now, I am left with less than average size, no dreamy, intimate looks – and none of the feelings that made him so special to me.

At least for me, the actual penis is the desert after a meal of all the fabulous basic foods – emotional and mental intimacy.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 8:16 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]

This shit is an age old problem that plagues every man. I've come to the conclusion that my penis is average or maybe below? The other man my wife was with was hung like Dirk Diggler and she made it known how much she loved it and how it made her feel. It is something that haunts me to this day. There is nothing she can say or do that will help heal that deep wound. On the flip side of this I'm well built and athletic and possess strength like a monkey. I'm a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu instructor.

Since I confronted the other man I found out that he was all cock and no balls. Repeatedly open hand slapped him and didn't get a response except for acting like a coward. Who the hell allows another man to come into their home and slap them around without doing something?

I'll tell you who and it's all "Other Men". They are cowards and weasels. While the real men are off to "war" (Working for their families, paying bills and other things) they are trying to rob the hen house. These types are not real men at all. They may think that their big dick is getting them through life and that our wives love them for it. The truth of the matter is that it's just 2 fucked up people attracted to each others fucked upness!

I say all of this but still struggle with it often. It's the thought of the person that you loved so much and how they belittled you to the size of a piss ant. I'm not an idiot and don't buy all the magic wand talk especially after reading dialogue between my wife and the other man. I just try to take myself to a place where I could care fuck all about it and it makes it easier. I also try and tell myself that my dick isn't for her pleasure it's for mine now! I used to never think this way but it's how I try and deal with it.

Brandon 808, I think about it every time I get in the shower.

Craig2001, yes we are divorced domestic partners, yes we live together and are attending counseling, etc. I know, it sounds crazy, but I love my 15 year old step daughter dearly, and I owe her a lot. She really stepped up when it all went down. I'm not going to let her sink into inappropriate relationships with men and a life of hating her parents. I know it's hard to understand, but no more so than many people here in R.

Be proud of your penis!

But not so proud you want to show it to everyone in 7-11!

But not so proud you want to show it to everyone in 7-11!

In our state that will get you 5-10

I'm not going to let her sink into inappropriate relationships with men and a life of hating her parents

That is important and especially since we read so much on here from WWs that some of their problems do come from childhood in various ways.