SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

About an inch...

Really?

She's that good at estimating measurements whilst about to get naked and busy with someone strange?

How reliable is that estimation when she has motivation to make is sound bigger?

Got any buddies who like fishing?

Ask them how much they believe measurements in fishing stories, and how much weight to put on claims of "about an inch".

Well, obviously she has held my penis in her hand many many times. I guess she has just memorized how far past her hand it extends when she's got her whole hand around it? She said that when she gave oral sex to OM, held it in her hand, it seemed to stick out about an inch further. Whether it was exactly an inch she obviously can't say, but she said it definitely seemed longer from a visual aspect. Also she said she found it a little more difficult to deep throat him compared to me. We're apparently both long enough to make her gag, but she found it a little more challenging with him.

She told me that it didn't really make much of a difference during sex, but I just find that a little hard to believe...

1million women can tell you that the size of your penis is not an issue, but none of that matters when someone you love does/says this shit to you.

Remember, affairs are ABUSE of the BS. What you are experiencing is the post abuse trauma, , and you need to work on this with you, not her, to heal from this trauma.

Get some reading material on abuse and the aftermath, you need to understand yourself as much as anything else.

1million women can tell you that the size of your penis is not an issue, but none of that matters when someone you love does/says this shit to you.

Exactly.

Remember, affairs are ABUSE of the BS. What you are experiencing is the post abuse trauma, , and you need to work on this with you, not her, to heal from this trauma.

Get some reading material on abuse and the aftermath, you need to understand yourself as much as anything else.

I know, and I understand that. This is just...very hard to deal with as a whole, along with all the other shit that I'm dealing with regarding the A.

Well, obviously she has held my penis in her hand many many times. I guess she has just memorized how far past her hand it extends when she's got her whole hand around it?

...

Also she said she found it a little more difficult to deep throat him compared to me. We're apparently both long enough to make her gag, but she found it a little more challenging with him.

Again, this can be attributed to affair mindset and behaviour. She was quite likely to be far more forceful in how she gripped him, pushing her hand harder against the base and compressing the flesh over the pubic bone, and likely being far more aggressive in her attempts to perform oral. Not to mention the usual "excited" exageration about an AP's "qualities".

my XH was obsessed with the fact that my ex-bf had a big penis. the reason he knew about it was because we had an intimate conversation about how the relationship had turned emotionally abusive and that sex had become a primary problem. i've had issues with my urinary tract, stones, all kinds of stuff all my life. his big penis would hurt me and he didn't care. he pouted if i got sick. he told me to "just try it" when i told him i was hurting or sick. or he would tell me i was just making things up to not have sex with him. i tried over and over to explain that i am just not that durable. it hurt me most of the time and he was so damn proud of that penis that i grew to hate it. his relationship with sex and ego had killed our relationship.

i had a great sex life with XH, and then some of the same issues would come up. i'd get sick and have to lay off for a while. i couldn't always do it two nights in a row or multiple times. he started to pout and have doubts.

guess what he blamed it on? it was all because i secretly wanted my ex-bf's bigger penis. he never let that go. no matter what i said, according to him i "really meant something else." it drove me batshit crazy and started to impact our sex life more. again, it seemed like i was with someone who didn't care if i was hurting...only that he felt like a "bigger man" (ahem) than the ex he'd turned into his rival.

guess what...SO is average, maybe on the low side. we have sex more than i've ever been able to with anyone. i get sick less frequently that i ever have. i hurt less during and after. i can do it many nights in a row. i love it and there is nothing about a big penis that i miss.

and, because SO's "needs" aren't about proving something to himself, me or others, the goodness continues and keeps growing.

seriously guys...let it go if you can...your self-consciousness is worse than micro-penis. seriously. we really don't care that much (especially if you are really good at the stuff girls really, really like anyway )...and if a girl cares enough to make it a problem, "next" them with confidence.

on the same note, i once had a guy who was "in lurrrrve" with me tell me with love and awe on his face, "you know, i usually like girls with big boobs, but with you it's not so bad."

next.

instead of shopping for implants, i've met tons and tons and tons of guys who are into my body type.

My WW and I were fighting about something about two weeks after we separated. She was continuing to abuse me after I had already conceded and had left my home for my mom's guest room. She sent me one last scathing text after phone call after phone call that day. She finished the fight by calling me a "tiny dick motherfucker" and that she was "unsatisfied for seven years." This was the absolute lowest point for me, and I came close to suicide that week.

She has since told me she didn't mean it. Of COURSES the other man is well-hung.

I'm average, but I guess you know what kind of number this did on my self-esteem.

Call me stupid, but I love my kids, so we are attempting R. Crazy, I know. It still just burns in my chest when I think about it.

It was the high of turning someone else on. Not anything to do with you.

This sums sooooooo much up....in a nutshell!!!

tryingsodanghard,

What's got you thinking about this now?

TryingSoHard -

Call me stupid, but I love my kids, so we are attempting R. Crazy, I know. It still just burns in my chest when I think about it.

That is how she wants to fight, by hurting you. I don't understand why you even engage in fighting with her, you've been divorced for almost two years and you still let her hurt you.

I am confused by your story...Do you now live with her again?

That is how she wants to fight, by hurting you.

Yep. My fWW told me something similar, out of her anger that I ended her affair.

I figured this much out. I wanted NOTHING to do with someone who used this kind of tactics on me. It was, by God, bad enough that she cheated on me to begin with, but this showed a complete willingness on her part to go "low" - these words served absolutely no purpose other than to hurt.

1million women can tell you that the size of your penis is not an issue, but none of that matters when someone you love does/says this shit to you.

Absolutely right. Because those of us who are decent, moral, upright men are not trying to please 1 million women, only the one we chose to

be our wife. If she is pleased, it won't matter what the 1 million say, and if she isn't, it won't matter what the 1 million say.

[This message edited by tfkeel at 9:47 PM, July 20th (Sunday)]

Jesu, and all you men out there, I can say that size really doesn't matter. It's the feeling the man engenders in the woman that makes her hot for him, not the size of his penis. Really. Really and truly.

I think penis size is the BH equivalent of BWs worrying about our post baby bodies.

What might help both sides alleviate their respective concerns is to use what you know to be untrue and apply it to the situation you are in. A woman KNOWS penis size doesn't matter - she should also accept that body changes also don't matter.

Before he started cheating and our M was good the sex was great - some of the best I've ever experienced. When he started cheating and when our M was bad the sex was terrible. THE worst I have ever experienced. Worse by far than even my very worst prior to meeting him.

I imagine our sex life was terrible for him when he started cheating too - that detaching/compartmentalising/demonising/mental gymnastics a wayward does in order to tell themselves that it's OK to cheat includes deeming their BS to be inadequate or lacking somehow sexually.

I was very satisfied for many years. Then I was extremely unsatisfied. EXTREMELY. The sex was great - then it was terrible. I used to get very aroused by him - now the thought of it and him makes my skin crawl. His penis size/shape didn't change - he did, as did my perception of him.

He didn't cheat because of my physical deficiencies whether real or perceived - he cheated because of his emotional defects. The sex wasn't terrible because his body or moves changed but because the emotional connection was broken.

I wish men and women alike would all understand this. I am a sensational lover - logistically, physically and whatever the mojo "... ally" word goes here. Before and after kids. I have it in spades.

That fucker will miss it until the end of his days. All of it.

I was still cheated on.

I know this is a zombie thread but I get it.

One of the ways I knew the absolute truth was his mistaken text.

"Anonymous's 9 makes OW feel fine" REALLY?!?!? He caved after that like a toddler with the cookie jar on his hand.

I went to an all-boys school, played sports, and hung out in a lot of gyms...I've seen plenty of swinging dicks in my life...in high school we used to all torture each other, make jokes, etc...so I used to have a real complex about the size of my stuff. In the locker room I'd joke back that I'm a grower and not a show-er. Then I met my girlfriend who later became my wife. She seemed happy enough with what I had to offer, and I was able to put any kind of penis complex to bed....then she had her first affair, and being upset because he was probably better endowed than me was the first ting that came to my mind...and it's been an issue for me ever since, that was 14 years ago....and we reconcied but it still wore on me. Then she had her recent affair and it's all back again.

We are trying to R again, but idk how...Everytime we get intimate i wonder what she's thinking. Is she comparing me to him? Does she miss him? Does she wish that I had more? Or that I would last longer?

And all she could say to me was that she thinks we are both the same but different...

Definitely not the size!! It's how the act is done. Truly and completely!!

I have to concur - size has NOTHING to do with pleasure! A man who is adequately endowed and can maneuver his way around a woman's anatomy has a huge advantage (no pun here. O.K. maybe a little one...) over one who is well hung and does not know how to satisfy a woman!

Foreplay is key - long, deep kisses that last forever followed by a lot of touching and slowly undressing each other as the passion builds - I'll take that any day of the week over a huge c---.

Hope this helps!!

Because he's my only, I have no idea how my SLAWH stacks up in the penis-size department. What I can tell you is that when we're emotionally in tune, sex is fabulous; when we're not (because he's been hollering at the kids all day, nit-picking at me, being passive-aggressive, looking at porn), it's not. Our sex life, my pleasure, has absolutely NOTHING to do with his dick--only with whether or not he's BEING a dick. Make sense?

Plus, since I assume he's "average" (he's never seemed to be defensive about or proud of his size), what about the OW? What did she choose him for? Did she check him out BEFORE starting the EA? She doesn't have x-ray vision. And her BH is a decent-looking, taller-than-average-sized man (does that affect penis-size?) while my WH is a dozen years older than hers, is considerably heavier, has ED (yes, even with her) . . . I don't know why the OW and my WH chose each other, but penis size was probably the last thing on her mind.

I haven't read all the way through this thread yet but just wanted to add my two bits worth. I have really appreciated many of the comments from quite a few who have added to this thread. Mostly about it not being about the size of the equipment but something broken in WW/OM. So many of the comments (many from BWs) have been so insightful and so well articulated. Thank you all.

I am not really that concerned about the size of OMs package. As has been said it is a huge prick but has nothing to do with a penis. My WW is my one and only. I do not have any comparisons on how different breasts feel, how different badies feel, how different women feel between the legs. I never have needed to know. My WW was all I ever needed and I though she was perfect for me. Obviously the thought was not reciprocated.

What is important to me is honesty and openess. I have asked my WW as to the size of POSOMs package. I don't really care. I want the truth from her. We have been married a long time. She f**ked OM a least once a week for over 3 years. I say f**ked because I do not have another word that truly conveys my distaste. She gave him oral very early in the adultery. She only did it once because he was uncut and she didn't like the look of it. She has given me oral. She has handled both of us. On asking about the size she says she doesn't have any real recollection. I take this as another attempt at rug sweeping. She doesn't want to hurt me (she cannot hurt me any more than she already has) or she's embarrassed that she noticed or something. I don't care about the size. I care about being open and honest and transparent and this does not feel like any of those to me.

I think maybe she would have noticed the same as I think I would have noticed if a woman had larger or smaller areolas. What difference would it make but I think I would have noticed. My WW did ask the POSOM about the size of his wife's breasts. She is sensitive about hers and it was important to her that her POSOM wasn't turned off by hers.She asked because of her insecurities.

Okay, I'm ringing in on this necropsost.

As an aside, I've been sewing since the age of 15. YES I can tell just by looking, pretty much to an eight of an inch, how long something is.

The following is my opinion only, as I do not speak for every person in the world.

YES, penis size is important.

A nice, erect, well-working penis, and a "Ladies first" attitude, is a good thing.

If the penis is attached to someone we love, we ignore it's shortcomings, whether they are in length, girth, ability to last, or turgidity etc. We love the man, and realize he can't help how he was born or the issues he may have with his penis (ED, PE).

Even if he's not so good in the sack, we VALUE the person more than we value his penis size or what he can do with it.

If the man is unfaithful, then penis size and our consideration of it may become more important--this can be especially true if it's small and has been unsatisfactory in performance, and then often it becomes an object to be reviled and ridiculed as we spew out anger, rage, hurt at the betrayal.

Fact of life as I see it:

Sometimes, we women lie to our partners so as not to bruise our man's ego. Sometimes, we want to build them up with compliments so they'll feel treasured and potent. Sometimes we fake orgasms. Sometimes, we compliment how big or hard or satisfying their penis is, when it really isn't.

It's a possibility no man ever wants to hear, consider, or acknowledge--sometimes, now and then, or more often than not, or most of the time, "you're inadequate." Harsh words indeed related to the sex act, but they may indeed be true words.

The union of bodies with a loved, loving and trusted partner/spouse, a deeply personal intimate connection, often will surpass your physical inadequacies and that connection of mind, heart, body, brings us joy. We might not always be satisfied, and you may not always be able to "perform", but the joy is more valued than achieving performance or an orgasm.

A celibate marriage, where the male cannot perform or perform adequately due to psychological or physical issues, can still have intimacy in other ways outside of a sex act.

[This message edited by Hope2B at 5:07 PM, July 21st (Monday)]

All this is just more mind-fuckerry that goes with being a BH. Its a damned rabbit hole. Insanity lies in following that rabbit.

Either way it goes. Your huge and the best ever. or your sub par. Either way it really doesnt matter because theres nothing you can do about it.

Fixating on this will only bring you pain.

IMO to a large degree we are each responsible for our own experience during sex. We each (men&women) do our best to please our partner while pleasing ourself. So if your WS is not happy with what they get out of sex then thats on them. Perhaps they should put more into it.